Persistence

I needed a break from the demands of my commitments and decided to take a walk. I wanted to "round-off" the edge of the day...and relax...and get my thoughts clear...and focus on the important things!



I walked out the front door...turned left and there he was...leaning on my car...



Where are you going? he asked...smiling that "I already know" grin!



"I am going for a walk" I replied, "Care to join me?"



"NO!...I figured that you'd join me here against this comfortable car..." he said...knowing how much I hated seeing someone lean on my car..."I would rather we exercised our brains than our muscles!"



"I came out here to get away from my brain..." I complained.



"I could see that!" he noted, "We seldom get enough time to think about what we want to think about...together...Why don't we seize the opportunity?"



"OK!" I surrendered, "When you give me a deja vu moment like that...how could I resist...?"



I took up a spot in the shade...next to him...



He reached into his pocket and took out one of those Turkish cigarettes that often smelled of hemp! I teased him about that endlessly! Today they smelled more of incense...and he pointed that out...to circumvent my dig!



"I wish I had some of my rum stashed in your car!" he said...



"We don't need alcohol or your funny smokes to think great thoughts," I replied with a smile...



We stood there...absolutely silent for a long time! In fact, for the amount of time that it takes for the shadow from a nearby tree to move from our ankles to our knees...it was an enjoyable silence...and I thought maybe he was waiting for me to break the silence.



We listened to the distant traffic and birds.



Periodically an airplane droned above us.



The breeze rustled the leaves in the nearby trees.



I heard laughing and...



...a dog.



There was someone cutting a lawn...and a back-up alarm beeping in the distance...



It was amazing how many sounds of activity (natural and man-made) there was!



"What an extraordinary symphony is playing today!" he whispered! It appeared like he didn't want to interrupt the activity with his comment!



I looked to see if he had earphones in his ears! I wasn't listening to a symphony..."Was I?"



"I used to hunt a lot while I was growing up," I reminisced. "I would go to my hunting stand long before sun-up and listen to the forest "awaken." I would hear church bells and school bells and birds and the littlest of creatures scurrying on the leaves of the forest floor."



"Today reminds me a lot of that!" "It is sure relaxing!"



"It is funny...but I know that this is going on around us continuously and we do not take the time to listen!" "But why do you call it a symphony? A symphony exists through design and pure discipline!" At that moment...I felt as if he was thinking "gotcha!"



"Do you think that any of these sounds are random?" "Listen to that Blue Jay! That is his alarm call...there is something bothering him...That other bird that we hear is a catbird. That song he is singing is a territorial warning...he is marking his turf...speaking of turf...listen to the lawn mower...do you think whoever is mowing is pushing it around a parking lot? The airplane is going to land somewhere...and on and on...every noise is generated as a result of intent! There are no random noises!"



There are days...that there seems to be no noise! There are days that are too noisy! It is about intent. Let's replace noise with intent.



There are days...that there seems to be no intent! There are days that have too much intent!



It is about what we listen to!



It is about what we intend to do!



It is OUR sound!



We have a chair in this symphony...whether we play in it depends on two things...whether we have notes on THE sheet music...or whether we add our own impromptu notes!



If you are extremely disciplined...you'll sit in the chair and wait your turn...and then play perfectly...right on queue!



If you play continuously you'll add to the symphony...but I bet the conductor will have a few words with you!



What matters is that you make a noise...when you are supposed to!



Noise is a sign of intent...noise is a sign of life!



Have you ever sat in a desert?



It is awful quiet...because life is so sparse...but if you sit long enough...a coyote breaks the silence...or a small rodent may rustle a dried out leaf...



The interesting thing is that these sounds are so welcomed by the listener...it is confirmation that life persists...one almost breathes a sign of relief when they hear a noise created by someone or something else!



It is the discipline of the natural symphony!



Do you participate in it or are you in the audience?



I opened my mouth to respond and then realized that they were rhetorical questions...and waited my turn!



What sounds are you adding to the symphony? Sounds of building, like the hammering that we are hearing?...or sounds of destruction?



I opened my mouth to respond and AGAIN realized that he was not looking for an answer.



When put in this context...You are an instrument...you have a sound...you are in this symphony!



I was listening to a symphony the other day...and the "first chair" violists, added her own notes to the concerto...without the knowledge of the conductor or the orchestra! It ruined the whole thing...



It makes sense to me that we make our sounds when we are supposed to...when the conductor gives us our queue...then we do it with all of the passion and perfection that we can muster...



There are no second chances for us to play the perfect solo!

The right time...the right notes...to the right audience...

knowing when and what and who...takes time and practice and discipline...

It takes persistence!

When you are tempted to play...do not...until your time...

When it seems too noisy...don't add to it with your own noise...just because you feel obligated to make noise!

Persevere! Sit in your seat until your time comes!

If you get up and walk away...your chance may come and you'll miss it!

Persist!

Then as if the conductor pointed to someone else...he stopped talking!

We listened to the concert for a few minutes and returned to our chairs...and I added nothing to the music...not yet!

Possibility Thinking

If there was one things that I could say about him was that there was not a negative bone is his body...in fact his demeanor was such that when he was present there was NEVER a negative comment...

I heard a legend about him...(and I believe most people heard it too!). Someone once made a negative comment in his presence and he turned on him like a rabid jackal! The guy...as the story goes...was so "ripped to shreds" and humiliated that he resigned from a well paying position within days of the encounter!

That is just a story and if you hadn't heard it...you would not even consider that type of behavior was possible!

I often thought about testing that legend...but I hate pain and suffering...I knew that it was a possibility...I had seen cracks in his demeanor in other situations...so I took the legend for what it was...and hoped that I NEVER made a negative comment in his presence.

He didn't call it optimism...in fact he never called his behavior anything...it was simply the way a person with a responsibility should act. I called it "possibility thinking."

He was a person of possibilities and I learned to be that way too! It didn't take much effort in that we were much alike in this accord. For me it was invigorating to take a thought and build it into a masterpiece!

I so enjoyed watching him draw out creative ideas and build upon them!

"How do you do that?" I asked as we sat one evening at that beach, with the sun setting behind us...and his favorite rum in glasses, wet with condensations...

"Good ideas are at a premium these days," he replied, "We must be ever watchful for them so that they are not lost in the frivolous ramblings that are constantly clouding them from plain sight!"

"But you never seem to be without an excess of them!" I observed.

"Even 20 years ago, the world was much different," he reflected, "That was a time when the world was our oyster and opportunities abounded...back then..."nay-sayers" were lauded and actually played an important role in an organization. They kept the organizations focused and on track. They gleaned out only the best fruits and left the chaff for the others."

His voice lowered, "Things have changed! The amount of chatter has grown and the number of possibilities have increased. Those nay-sayers have been promoted and now run organizations. They believe that their role is to continue to shoot good ideas down...they think that it was the magic formula for success...and continues to be! They have built their "style" on a misconception."

"I can not (and do not attempt) to change them...it is a senseless mission. They are blinded by their success. They refuse to do the most important thing in leadership...learn and adapt."

"I however am committed to being and an oasis to great ideas. Anyone can bring an idea to me and park it! They know that when it leaves my garage, it will be better for having sat here! They know that it is safe...and they know that more often than not...it will grow and flourish...going from a few simple words...into something of substance...they see it become real!"

"They also know that credit will be given where credit is due!"

"Great thoughts are often stolen...or at minimum the source is never identified!"

"It is like going to a nursery and buying seedlings and claiming that you grew them from seeds that you have been keeping for years!"

"Great thoughts are seldom fully developed at birth...they are fragile babies. Nurturing them is essential to bring them to functional adulthood..."

"In a peculiar sense...I am a foster parent of ideas! The strange thing is that people's ideas are not taken from them because they were bad parents...they bring them to me!"

"I quit trying to change the leaders of the organizations that I work with...into possibility thinking...until they ask! Because they not only need to be committed to thinking about possibilities...they have to make them happen. That is a huge responsibility for leadership...it is much easier to hide in the past world of "this can't possibly happen."

"WOW," I exclaimed! "I never realized that you were so passionate about this subject!"

"I am" he nonchalantly replied, "Organizations can no longer afford to pass up good thoughts...they can not afford to give them the consideration that each is due! They are precious and a reflection of an individual's caring and concern not only for the organization...they are offerings and gifts...almost equal to the sacrifices made at the altars of old!" "They should not be taken lightly!

"So how do you do it?" I repeated.

"It is simple..." he replied, "I listen...I reflect and to it I add some very special components...the first of which is the most special...I say THANK YOU! The rest is part of a strict discipline..."

"Let me tell you about it..."

...and the sun set behind us as I listened...

...I thanked him...and our evening together ended!

Decisions...Decisions...DECISIONS...

"I wish life was much more simple!" I thought, "When I was a child "they" made all of the decisions for me...and I longed to be free to make my own choices...then I earned that right...and I feel like every one of them has been wrong...and I can no longer blame anyone else but me for them!"

Those words were an incantation! No sooner than they had taken shape in my neural networks...he appeared!

His entrance was not any different than in the past! A flippant phrase that would initiate a life scouring discussion! AND I knew that by the time he left...I would be sapped of all of my energy reserves for the day! He was not unlike a vampire...except that the life he drained was not for his benefit...but for his victim!

I recalled an interesting comment he once made..."In order to grow an aspect of your life into something different...the current one must die! And nothing in one's life goes without a fight! If you aren't exhausted after a fight with yourself...you never battled in the first place..."

I smiled at his somewhat comical entrance...and at the same time braced for that cutting quip that would "get me into gear..."

"I wish I was a mind reader!" he announced. "It would make my job so much easier! In fact, if I am going to go as far as reading minds...I would love to be a fortune teller..."

"What brought that on?" I asked.

"Your face!" He responded.

"What wrong with my face?" I snapped...and then realized that he "got me!"

"It is all contorted downward...sad...disappointed...lacking life!" he whispered, "It is the one that I expect to see when you are laying in the box before they bury you."

"That is a race that I'll wager you win...my friend..." I smiled.

"So what is bothering you? Or...do I have to do some of that crazy stuff that I learned in the Caribbean to pull it out of you?"

"I have been thinking about all of the decisions that I have made...and how it would be so different if I would have chosen differently...and on and on..." My verbal floodgates opened.

"Hold on there those are really heavy thoughts!" he responded, "No wonder your face looks the way it does!"

"There is only one word in that entire ocean of words that you spouted that is important! That word is decision."

"I know...Cause and Effect...Decision and Consequence" I responded.

"That is true and NOT, both at the same time...depending on your perspective." he noted.

I knew that his truth was about to be announced and it was not a self evident truth,, but one in the spin. My thought took me back to the preamble of the Constitution..."We hold these truths to be self-evident..."

When I was memorizing that, in second grade...I realized that these truths are not "self-evident" and hidden deeply...over time...I learned that truth is an elusive and evasive creature that does not stand out in the open...but hides in obscure places...or disguises itself. Truth has a selective personality. It does not hang out with everyone. It chooses who it wants to be around There are a myriad of creatures posing as "truth" and they take up residence with the undeserving...who tout their brilliance...not knowing what monster lurks behind the mask!

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, "Sometimes does and doesn't...that's kind of wishy-washy" I knew that this would speed the conversation...I wanted to get back to my "pity party."

"I just heard you say...that you are here because of a series of decisions that you made from the time you were born...RIGHT?"

"What if I were to tell you that your thought is totally wrong?" "By the way...that is a rhetorical question." When he said that...It was time for me to stay quiet and listen!

I so wanted to criticize him for a "predestination" mind set, but held my tongue.

"Let's go back to the beginning...No, not yours or mine...the real beginning."

Whether by chance or Devine intervention...it doesn't matter...the substance of this universe was set into motion...at that, time all of the "rules" became solidified...the value of "pi" could no longer change. Every rule related to Cause and Effect and so on... Nothing could change...

Do you get that?

I nodded...

"At that very moment a huge and unalterable calculus equation was created. Where "Y" is the universe and everything else is a function of that!"

"Your sitting here, thinking the way you are thinking is part of that equation...there are a couple of things for you to realize...first...that from the very beginning you were part of that equation...and second...that your contribution to or impact of the BIG equation is so minuscule that it is absolutely meaningless..."

"THAT'S AWFUL FATALISTIC!" I nearly jumped out of my chair...yet he simply smiled!

"Good," he commented, "I see you took that personally...you needed to!"

I felt like I was in a counselling session! But when I thought about that...it was!

"We believe that we have decisions that are important...we do!" They are not the ones we think they are...Yes we have to decide to go to college...and then which one...or marry and then who...and have children and how many...and where to work...and what career to pursue...and so on..."

"But those are decisions" I replied.

"By the strictest of definition...but these decisions are part of the "grand equation"...and we delude ourselves into believing that the other option was really there to be chosen...they were not."

"It is all about collisions!"

"From the time that the first 2 atoms moved in specific directions relative to each other, the entire universe was set. What the earth is made up of...down to the very atom...Where the earth is in relation to the sun...where the sun is in the galaxy...where the galaxy is in the universe and where we are in the "grand equation."

"It almost sounds like a play by Thornton Wilder" I noted, "Our Town" "Did you know he was from Wisconsin and won the Pullitzer prize?"

He smiled and continued, "The real decisions are what do we do with what we have been given by the "grand equation." We can decide to do our best and enjoy every moment...or we can grovel in despair thinking we had a choice! AND we DO have a choice...to be happy with it...or not!"

I started to talk...but the words wouldn't form on my lips...I was drained...in just a few short minutes! Darn VAMPIRE!

"Good!" he said, "I can see you have fought a battle...I have to go...I hope this left you with a few soldiers and MANY casualties...this was a battle that has to be fought by everyone at some time in their life! I am so glad it came to you when it did! We'll regroup tomorrow and see who is left within you to fight the next good fight!"

And with that he left me...to count casualties...and really ponder what just happened...How a superficial few words can make all of the difference in the world...

I smiled!

Who's More Important...The Speaker or the Listener?

It was our fourth scheduled session...like the other three, it felt like a doctor's appointment...



He drew blood...reviewed the tests and gave an opinion!



I listened and took notes!



At the end of our hour...he announced..."These sessions stink!"



"Do not schedule anymore of them..."



"They are a waste of my time and of your time!"



"Scheduled mentoring is a farce!"



I was crushed and he could see that! and he reeled back a bit!



"It is not that you are not worth mentoring...it is that doing it, like this, isn't working for either of us!" "A person can not schedule brilliance...it comes as a epiphany...a flash...when you do not expect it!" "Scheduling stuff like this makes it a chore rather than a perk!"

So ended our formal sessions...the strange thing is that from that point onward...I saw him more frequently and our talks were much more meaningful.

I have a voracious appetite for learning...It seems like...what goes in and combines with my grey matter...somehow always finds a way into some application! Perhaps I have been lucky and just had a chance to learn applicable stuff...I never really pondered that and won't waste my time trying to figure it out...it is just the way it is...

I was hungering to learn more from him...He was a unique teacher...

Sometimes he took a stance that he really didn't believe in to make you challenge yourself...

Sometimes he pointed out the utterly absurd characteristics of behaviors...just to make you see how stupidly you were behaving!

In a way, he controlled your learning environment...and constantly pushed you beyond your normal and comfortable learning style to make you a better learner as part of the experience...

One afternoon I found myself starving...not for food! I had just eaten! But for more insight and challenges! I hungered for him to talk and for me to learn! I thought about scheduling time with him...but that was out of the question...he made that perfectly clear to me!

He had so many great insights and brilliant things to share! It was an honor to listen to his words!

His thoughts, insights and experience...PRICELESS!

OK...enough rambling on that topic!

Over the short time that I knew him...I noticed an interesting behavior...he never had people come to him to listen to what he had to say...he always went to them...If a person went to him...he listened and seldom talked!

I learned an important lesson from that characteristic alone...

...a valuable one that needs to be learned by many, if not all people...

I wanted to know more about that behavior...so when he appeared at my door...I think he felt my intellectual hunger pangs...I asked him!

I laid out my observation and asked why?

He responded to my question with a question!

Who is more important (IN EVERY SITUATION) the speaker or the listener?

I answered..."why the speaker of course...they have something to say!"

"BEEP! WRONG ANSWER" he replied with a smile...

" I know...if a tree falls in the woods..." I countered!

"Trees don't give a hoot...wise old owls do!" he chided!

"OK...so what is your point?" I asked, "When you and I talk...you have something of value...and I learn from it."

"BEEP! WRONG ANSWER" he again replied with a chuckle, "Good thing this isn't baseball...one more strike and you'd be out!"

He took a chair in my office, leaned back and said, "Think about it this way...I have something to say...but you have a need for it...the need is more important than the advice" he told me..."For your sake...just in case this is baseball...I'll ask you no more questions...I would hate to see you out!"

"That is part of why I say that...but it goes significantly deeper...it is the subtle message that is sent when you expect people to listen to you..."

If you think that people should come to you to hear what you have to say...do you realize how condescending and self-absorbed that is? Do you realize what message is sent to the listener?

"You talk and people have to walk to you?" "That by the way is rhoetorical...don't answer it!"

"HOW SELFISH!"

"If you have something to say...go to them...not the reverse..."

"Having you come to MY mentoring sessions was more than a futile attempt at scheduled brilliance...it was the most humiliating thing ever...from your perspective..."

"You...coming to me...to listen and learn? I couldn't stand to see that message being sent! Most people do not sense it at first...but it eats away at relationships like a very subtle acid...and soon the "listener" has had enough and stops listening...altogether!" "I almost lost the Mrs because I would talk and she had to come to hear what I had to say..." "I am not making that mistake again!" "With no one!"

"People need to be sensitive to the "how" of things said...as much as what was said!"

"Communication is a very special gift...people do not treat it as the priceless treasure that it is...which is how it should be treated..."

"If you have something to say...start the conversation off by telling the listener how important they are to you...(without words...). Go to them...DO NOT BE SELF-ABSORBED and SELF CENTERED and CONDESCENDING and make them come to you! DO not EVER think yourself so important that others should run to hear what you have to say..."

"...when you do that...you are showing your true colors and the true value of what you have to say!..."

"What you say and especially how you say it...is a huge window to your soul! What does your actions show you to be?"

As he talked...I thought..."he does always come to me...that makes me feel good...but more important...it makes me listen...perhaps his message is even deeper than what he is telling me..."

Then I was brought back to the conversation with these words...

"...And going to your listener has more to it than just the right message...but we'll talk about that later...I have something to tell you..."

And I listened!

Beware!

For the past few days, he has been ever present! At every corner that I turned he was there...or at least seemed to be!

It was not that he had nothing to do...he was as busy as ever...he just always made it look easy!

Believe it or not...That actually was one of his biggest weaknesses!

He made things look so easy that companies thought that they could do it without him...

A mistake that each of those companies made was to part on "bad terms!" or to be so egotistical that they would not admit to their stupidity and call him back!

He often told me of his work "at other places." and how his castles crashed after his departure...

It was sad that these organizations did not realize what they had and lost! If they had only fostered the relationship!

I may be a bit biased in my opinion of him...his work and influence...but my stance is built entirely on substance...that is a strong foundation...and I would challenge anyone to prove me wrong...

That is what a real friendship is all about! moreover...it is what a mentoring relationship is all about...if not more! As much as a mentor guides an individual down the path to success...the "guided" should be looking out for the mentor! If that element is missing...the fullness of the relationship can never be realized!

I learned early in my career that if you do not fully engulf yourself in what you do...it will never achieve its highest potential! SO...you must choose what you do wisely! That is what working with passion means...

I made my way (a bit early) to the executive dining room and he was sitting there...listening to some classical music. He often went early so that he could tune the radio to his station...when done...no one challenged the musical genre! I think that he liked listening to classical music just to "egg" the fight! But I knew better...for him...it elicited the entire range of emotions and cleared his mind to think of "great and glorious" things!

I took my regular chair...directly across from him...

He smiled and bid me a good afternoon and then he mentally sunk back into the music! He was far away and I did not try to interrupt his journey!

The staff brought my order and I began eating!

About the time my mouth was full...his sonata finished and he came back to our world!

Did you know that I used to race bicycles? Loved that! The wind and the relative speed and the feeling of freedom!

I responded with a nod of my head...not wanting to spew food all over the dining table!

It was a surrogate for what I really loved though!

I loved running...but that so consumed me that I had to find an alternative!

I looked at him quizzically!

...it happened rather by chance! I was in prep school...I think you call that grade school...

I was bored so I went to a track and field competition...one of my teachers...who was also the coach of the meager team had been prodding me to try...so I did!

I watched for a while and was caught up in the various activities!

there was an open lane in the 1,000 meter race so the coach grabbed me and told me to run!

I had NEVER ran in a competition before and hadn't the slightest inkling of what to do...he simply told me to stand behind the line and when the gun went off...run to win!

I didn't really grasp how long 1,000 meters were or the fact that after a staggered start that you could move to the inside...all I knew was to run!

The gun went off and I ran! Full out! for the entire race! The other runners took off slowly...conserving energy so that they had a final spurt of energy at the end! Not me! I ran full out!

I took such a commanding lead that no matter how much reserve the other runners had...they couldn't catch me...I had nothing at the end!

Needless to say...I won the race...AND set a meet record! But not without the other team's coaches arguing that I didn't follow the race decorum!

My coach on the other hand argued the basics...what is the purpose of the race? To get across the finish line first...and heck that young man did it from an outside lane! He ran more meters than all of the other runners!

I got my blue ribbon and was hooked! I ran at every opportunity! I learned the ropes and built a strategy! In practice I ran 4 times length of a race "full out" so that on race day...the race itself was like resting...

But guess what?

Others watched and learned and worked harder than me...and began challenging me...

I stayed my course...and over a short period of time...began taking second place! LOSING!

So I worked harder!

At one point...there was no time for homework...or eating...of anything else...I slept and ran!

So I stopped!

But the fire was still in me...and I found bicycling! It was faster and that sport had yet to learn the lessons of hard work!

So I targeted specific races...the 50 kilometer...the 100 kilometer...

and rode 100 kilometers or 200 kilometers respectively in preparation for the races!

It was awesome...I would cross the finish line...stop...rest...store my bicycle and then return to the finish line to watch the contenders cross...it actually was elating!

As the racing continued...what I could do after finishing diminished! In a short period of time...I would cross and turn to see my challengers!

Then the inevitable happened! I took second place! I lost! How devastating! I was a loser again!

Competition sucks!

I saw a pattern there...do you?

He asked that question at the most inopportune time...because I had just taken another bite...so I just nodded!

For me it was that you can never rest on the top for too long! AND...

Success is simply a matter of hard work!


But you need to realize that there is always...someone is working harder than you!

Interesting isn't it?

You strive to be the best...but there is someone out there who has more time and energy and talent...who appears and humbles you!

So...is it worth it?

I do not know!

Your country inherently promotes doing your best and winning at all costs...

It was that attitude that helped us win "the WAR!"

But I do not know if it is worth it!

Do you?

Just them I swallowed!

And...I realized that the food was inside me!