Decisions...Decisions...DECISIONS...

"I wish life was much more simple!" I thought, "When I was a child "they" made all of the decisions for me...and I longed to be free to make my own choices...then I earned that right...and I feel like every one of them has been wrong...and I can no longer blame anyone else but me for them!"

Those words were an incantation! No sooner than they had taken shape in my neural networks...he appeared!

His entrance was not any different than in the past! A flippant phrase that would initiate a life scouring discussion! AND I knew that by the time he left...I would be sapped of all of my energy reserves for the day! He was not unlike a vampire...except that the life he drained was not for his benefit...but for his victim!

I recalled an interesting comment he once made..."In order to grow an aspect of your life into something different...the current one must die! And nothing in one's life goes without a fight! If you aren't exhausted after a fight with yourself...you never battled in the first place..."

I smiled at his somewhat comical entrance...and at the same time braced for that cutting quip that would "get me into gear..."

"I wish I was a mind reader!" he announced. "It would make my job so much easier! In fact, if I am going to go as far as reading minds...I would love to be a fortune teller..."

"What brought that on?" I asked.

"Your face!" He responded.

"What wrong with my face?" I snapped...and then realized that he "got me!"

"It is all contorted downward...sad...disappointed...lacking life!" he whispered, "It is the one that I expect to see when you are laying in the box before they bury you."

"That is a race that I'll wager you win...my friend..." I smiled.

"So what is bothering you? Or...do I have to do some of that crazy stuff that I learned in the Caribbean to pull it out of you?"

"I have been thinking about all of the decisions that I have made...and how it would be so different if I would have chosen differently...and on and on..." My verbal floodgates opened.

"Hold on there those are really heavy thoughts!" he responded, "No wonder your face looks the way it does!"

"There is only one word in that entire ocean of words that you spouted that is important! That word is decision."

"I know...Cause and Effect...Decision and Consequence" I responded.

"That is true and NOT, both at the same time...depending on your perspective." he noted.

I knew that his truth was about to be announced and it was not a self evident truth,, but one in the spin. My thought took me back to the preamble of the Constitution..."We hold these truths to be self-evident..."

When I was memorizing that, in second grade...I realized that these truths are not "self-evident" and hidden deeply...over time...I learned that truth is an elusive and evasive creature that does not stand out in the open...but hides in obscure places...or disguises itself. Truth has a selective personality. It does not hang out with everyone. It chooses who it wants to be around There are a myriad of creatures posing as "truth" and they take up residence with the undeserving...who tout their brilliance...not knowing what monster lurks behind the mask!

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, "Sometimes does and doesn't...that's kind of wishy-washy" I knew that this would speed the conversation...I wanted to get back to my "pity party."

"I just heard you say...that you are here because of a series of decisions that you made from the time you were born...RIGHT?"

"What if I were to tell you that your thought is totally wrong?" "By the way...that is a rhetorical question." When he said that...It was time for me to stay quiet and listen!

I so wanted to criticize him for a "predestination" mind set, but held my tongue.

"Let's go back to the beginning...No, not yours or mine...the real beginning."

Whether by chance or Devine intervention...it doesn't matter...the substance of this universe was set into motion...at that, time all of the "rules" became solidified...the value of "pi" could no longer change. Every rule related to Cause and Effect and so on... Nothing could change...

Do you get that?

I nodded...

"At that very moment a huge and unalterable calculus equation was created. Where "Y" is the universe and everything else is a function of that!"

"Your sitting here, thinking the way you are thinking is part of that equation...there are a couple of things for you to realize...first...that from the very beginning you were part of that equation...and second...that your contribution to or impact of the BIG equation is so minuscule that it is absolutely meaningless..."

"THAT'S AWFUL FATALISTIC!" I nearly jumped out of my chair...yet he simply smiled!

"Good," he commented, "I see you took that personally...you needed to!"

I felt like I was in a counselling session! But when I thought about that...it was!

"We believe that we have decisions that are important...we do!" They are not the ones we think they are...Yes we have to decide to go to college...and then which one...or marry and then who...and have children and how many...and where to work...and what career to pursue...and so on..."

"But those are decisions" I replied.

"By the strictest of definition...but these decisions are part of the "grand equation"...and we delude ourselves into believing that the other option was really there to be chosen...they were not."

"It is all about collisions!"

"From the time that the first 2 atoms moved in specific directions relative to each other, the entire universe was set. What the earth is made up of...down to the very atom...Where the earth is in relation to the sun...where the sun is in the galaxy...where the galaxy is in the universe and where we are in the "grand equation."

"It almost sounds like a play by Thornton Wilder" I noted, "Our Town" "Did you know he was from Wisconsin and won the Pullitzer prize?"

He smiled and continued, "The real decisions are what do we do with what we have been given by the "grand equation." We can decide to do our best and enjoy every moment...or we can grovel in despair thinking we had a choice! AND we DO have a choice...to be happy with it...or not!"

I started to talk...but the words wouldn't form on my lips...I was drained...in just a few short minutes! Darn VAMPIRE!

"Good!" he said, "I can see you have fought a battle...I have to go...I hope this left you with a few soldiers and MANY casualties...this was a battle that has to be fought by everyone at some time in their life! I am so glad it came to you when it did! We'll regroup tomorrow and see who is left within you to fight the next good fight!"

And with that he left me...to count casualties...and really ponder what just happened...How a superficial few words can make all of the difference in the world...

I smiled!