What Next?

I was always in awe of him...sometimes for his brilliance...sometimes for how normal he was...

As our time together progressed, I seriously set my sights to being "half the man" that he was...I believed that this was an admirable goal...

He once confided that his goal for me was to make me twice the man he wanted to be...

"My job is a lot easier than yours...you are simply too naive to know better..."

I think that he meant that as a compliment...or at least I hoped that to be the case!

He had been hardened and narrowed by experience...he recognized that...

"Wisdom often plays cruel tricks on a person...and limits potential...for the sake of safety..."

"When you are old and wise...do not let it do that to you...better yet...never get old and wise...it is the beginning of the end..."

It was a “child-like enthusiasm for life's offerings” that truly set him apart from the regular world. I could see however that this trait was not natural, but a decision, like many of his other characteristics.

"You are never handed a perfectly balanced pallet to paint your picture with..." he would advise, "The colors that wait and those you finally use to paint your masterpiece are solely your decision...the neat thing about life is that it always puts the primary colors down for you, in sufficient quantity, that you can blend them into any color you want..."

That insight into the human condition always inspired me...and this was one of those "words of wisdom" that he repeated often. I never grew tired of listening to him say it...it was memorized from some sacred text...

He could repeat those words verbatim...and at one point...I repeated them with him as he said it...

I often think that he made repetition a mentoring tool...it ensured that I got the message and got it correctly!

Sometimes he would start saying something that I heard before...and I would cut him short with..."I know...I know...(then what ever he was saying)..."

That only egged him on!

I knew that if I said those two words..."I know"...the next few weeks...I would hear that axiom endlessly...

He repeated whatever it was...until the "I know" barrier tumbled and I got the real message, fully...

As frustrating as it was...it was what I often needed...and it was for him too!

He told stories endlessly...sharing the joys and pains, the fears and victories...and losses...

Every lesson that he wanted to give...had a dozen of his life experiences attached...some of the linkages were stretches...but if you looked hard enough...they were there and VERY strong...

"Mankind has lost something, for the most part, that will ultimately lead to a slowing of our development as a species..."

"...Story Sharing..."

"The thing that sets you apart from most of the people that I meet is that you take time to listen to the stories...really listen! That means a lot to me..."

His voice faded into the background of the moment, as I thought about that comment...

My grandparent’s house was an old farm house...they were dairy farmers at one time...and the farm was awesome...an old two-story log house (the original homestead) still stood...the barn was huge...a granary...tractor sheds...garages...a huge chicken coop...pump houses...it had it all!

The house sent a subtle message itself...

The central room and the largest was the dining room...

Vying for second largest was the kitchen...it had 2 stoves, 2 refrigerators, a chest freezer and more than enough room for everyone to lend a hand in cooking...

You had to go through the dining to get any place else in the house...

Central to the house and to that generation was eating...more important than that was the message that was shared by the size of the room...it was not small...it invited everyone to share in the bounty of the harvest...or the meager left-overs...everyone was welcome...no one had to ask to join ...there was always room for a few more...

That feature alone made a huge impression on me...it was warm, inviting, and always smelled of wonderful delicacies...from early in the morning to well past bed time!

On the opposite end of the house was the living room...a parlor...it had a TV...and couches and “grandpa’s chair...”

Being lower on the "family alpha-scale”...we never got the choice of what TV show we watched...

At first out of boredom...and later because this was just what we did...we would retreat to the dining room and sit at the table and eat some of grandma's cookies or sweet rolls...or whatever was at the table...

In that room was the "older generation." They sat around the table and talked and shared stories...farming stories, hunting stories, fishing stories, lumber-jack stories, the last trip to town stories...how they addressed some challenge and what they learned...it was awesome!

I looked forward to every visit...for the food AND the stories...

I can recall nearly every one of them...they were not just their stories...they became my stories!

The conversations were so fun to listen to...one would talk and the entire group became and audience who would intently and patiently listen...then contribute, at their appointed turn...some of the stories were entertaining...and...some were sad...they elicited many emotions...and made differences in the lives of everyone who shared in the food, coffee and words...

This was important to that generation...it was their way and a part of them...and the house even sent that message...

My grandparents and the house said,"PLEASE...come in...If you have bounty...bring it in...And share it with us...if times are hard and you don't...come in and we'll share what we have...there is more than enough for everyone...sit...get comfortable...it is safe and warm here...what is ours is also yours..."

There were times that I even got bold enough to add to the conversations...and the adults would quietly listen...sometimes one or two would wink at my mother or father...and then add their wisdom to my contribution...it made me feel really a part of the people...

"...What people miss is the wisdom that is shared in story telling...when it is shared...it is no longer just my story...it becomes our story..."

His words...momentarily brought me back to the conversation at hand...

The stories from each one who shared...were well told...They elicited the most vivid mental images...I felt as if I were there...their stories were my stories...and I learned so much from them...without the pain...or the lost finger...or the frost-bite...I learned what not to do...and I learned what to do...their experience became my experience...Their wisdom became my wisdom...

Many if not most of those story-tellers are gone...but their lives continue, in my memories and my wisdom...what little I have...

"...This generation will have to wait much longer for "wisdom" to take hold...because they refuse to sit long enough to listen to the stories...they are going to have to experience those things for themselves...in fact they are going to miss many experiences...How sad..."

"That is why wisdom has become an endangered species!"

"When you choose people to mentor...look for those who sponge up the stories...don't waste your time on impatient people..."

"I do not know what makes some people patient enough to sit and listen and others not..."

"I do!'" I replied...let me tell you a story..."

Setting Course...

I rose early...

We had a huge challenge ahead of us...and the high-point of this challenge was that they assigned us to attack it together...

I dressed and ate...and walked to the beach...

...It had called to me while I stood on tiny terrace...

...I wanted to watch the sunrise...

...and contemplate the coming week's activities...

As the firey edge of the sun just topped the horizon...I could begin to make out the shape of a large ship...

...it was a huge Tanker...

Then I could see a "school" of small Tugs (by comparison) scurrying out to meet "the arrival..."

It was absolutely quiet...except for the rythmic waves...and they too were rather subdued...

Instead of thinking about work...my mind totally blanked and I was simply caught up in the moment...

It was a wonderful experience...the slight ocean odors...the development of the brilliant orange ball...moving to yellow and sitting momentarliy precariously on the horizon...

The routine "shipping drama" playing 5 miles out...

I was there...but I was not...it is impossible to explain...so I will go no further...

"I knew that I would find you here!" he said with almost a whisper...

"I see you are deep in the moment and I definitely do not want to startle you back...to this reality!"

"In this brief moment I realized something about you...you are a "water person"  I can see it...you are different..."

"Although we live in the midwest...I can see that your place in life is next to water...some people are forest dwellers...others love mountains...and so on..."

"...You become almost transparent as you stand here...almost like the water...it pulls you in...and embraces you...when you are standing here...you get taken in...I do not see that happen to many people..."

"I do love the ocean," I replied...

"Don't ever get too far from it my friend...if you do...you'll lose a BIG part of you...it would be like losing your best friend..."

"Look out at those ships," I said as I pointed eastward...

"There is a little drama playing out...on this magnificant stage...that most people are missing...

...I love the plot...the captain of that tanker has been up all night...getting to that place...and the tug-captains rose early in anticipation of its arrival...and now the time has come for their paths to really cross..."

"Theirs paths are intersecting...I wonder why they are going out there so far from port..."

"I was watching them from my terrace too...but I know from my experience that they are simply guiding the ship in..."

"That is a long way out...to be doing that...isn't it?"

"Not really...it takes a long time to turn a ship of that size and then get it back into control..."

"When you turn a ship like that...the turn itself is not controlled for a long time...it over-shoots...and must be pulled back...and it over-shoots in the compenstation...and that must be controlled...its path has many zigs and zags...but I know that those captains and their crews know this and by the time they get to port...the zig will be perfectly timed"

"The combination of our plans and our experience should be doing exactly the same..."

"We delude ourselves into believing that we are following a straight path"

"When...in actuality...our lives ocillate...and we get frustrated in the required compensations...and never consider that this minor course change is a part of the real path..."

"...As a result...we give-up or quit..."

"Ever wonder why those little boats are called TUGS?"

"...The perfect path is accomplished in little tugs..."

"We should all learn that lesson..."

"Do you know why four tugs are going out there?"

"Because it is a BIG ship and it needs all of the help it can get?" I responded...

"Nope!  That ship only needs two tugs...one on the port and one on the starboard..."

"The other two are there for the tugs!"

"They do not want to fail...if one tug has problems...there is a stand-in and the other one is there to pull the disabled tug back to port..."

"That is a bit of over-kill, isn't it?"

"Not when you consider the cargo...failure is not an option...and there is no chance for catching up..."

"That is interesting...I would have never thought of that!" I quietly exclaimed

"When I think of it...people are like that...they are either tugs or freighters or tankers...aren't they?"

"You are half right...during the course of our lives...we are with tugs or frieghters...very few people go through their entire life as either one or the other..."

"Sometimes we are the tugs that play the role of turning and guiding the larger ships into port...other times we are the ship that needs to be guided..."

"If the tanker captain...did not realize that...he would not turn over command and guidence to the tug captains...and they would have a major set of issues..."

"The tanker captain plays a significant role when the tug captains release him from the departing port...until he arrives at the port of call...egos can be REALLY disasterous if the roles are not followed..."

"People need to function the same...it is all about recognizing your role...and taking command when that is called for and abdicating when that is required..."

"Life is no more complex than that!"

"Are we going to be tugs this week...or freighters?" I asked...

"I was thinking the about same thing..."

"We were asked to help this company...so my first impression is that we were asked to be tugs..."

"But then as I thought deeper...we are carrying a cargo of information and experience...that needs to be off loaded at this port..."

"I guess that I do not have the answer you are looking for...What do you think?"

"I was thinking tugs, then I was thinking freighter...then I was thinking that we are both...depending on any given circumstance that we encounter..."

"What I am seeing as important is to be flexible to the needs of the "other captains" and not fall victim to their egos...or their desire to run this BIG ship from port to port...it is not possible...it takes coordinated efforts and everyone playing their role at the appropriate time..."

"There will be times that we are not tugs or freighters at all but the rescue ship that stands by...just in case a ship breaks down...one of us jumps in...and the other tows the disabled tug to safety!"

"Then you will have one role...and I another..."

"Then it appears that we have a plan and a good one at that...and a good one at that...and..."

"That seems to put closure on the reason that you were standing here..."

"We have a couple of hours...before they are expecting us...their ship is still over the horizon...let's enjoy the calm seas...I have a feeling that we are going to be tested this week...a perfect storm may be brewing...but there is noone else that I would rather be sailing headlong into this storm with than you my young friend!"

With that he stopped talking...and sat...I joined him...we said nothing to eachother for over an hour...there was no need to...he had his ship and I trusted his every move...and he mine...

The Real Meaning of Setting Your PACE...

He makes work...look like "child's play."

He makes "child's-play" look like work...

As I reflect on what makes him different from most other people is that his personality is light...but it is also serious...

In reality, he is the most serious performer that you'll probably ever meet...yet if you just take him superficially...you'd never know it...most think he is a clown...a REALLY smart clown...

Everything is a challenge and a game to him...he never let's you see that he is worried...when he is worried...

...he never let's you know that the challenge is a "piece of cake..."

...or that a seemingly simple task is impossible...

My advice is never play poker with him...I did once...and will not again...

When he takes action...it always looks easy...and it goes exactly as he had planned...

Try to "out-work" him and you'll find yourself at the losing end of that challenge...

When I think about him...I have to say that he found his "work-life balance..."

That elusive creature (or organizational policy) in which companies demand that employees seek but they secretly hope that all are insubordinate of...

I loved his stance on that policy...

"The only time that I have witnessed a company terminate someone for an improper work-life balance was when it was skewed toward "life"," he would snicker...(that comment came up whenever we got a Work-life balance brochure or walked by a "FIND YOUR BALANCE" poster)...

"This is a policy that should be challenged in courts...if you tip your work-life towards the work side of the balance...you are lauded...take a little extra time off and you are on "final" notice...

...they (HR) use the word "balance"...and they have no idea what "balance" really means...Either most HR people have no idea what "a policy" is really about...

...or they are really smart and are using the "balance policy" as an HR morphine...something used to deaden the reality of what they truly want out of a person for work and protect them in a court...

...they should hold true to the word "balance"... That is the operative word...If they say it...they need to enforce both sides of the equation...their finance counter-parts do that with the books...if you cannot get the income you need...then cut the expense side...have you ever wondered why it is called a "balance sheet"

...and if they are not willing to stick to the other extreme...don't treat us like fools...

...If I had time...I would set them up...just to watch them squirm!"

I never found out why that policy set him off...it really didn't matter...He never formally challenged it or set them up...it was not in his nature...but he sure did bring up the stupidity of that policy at every chance...and because of his persistence...the company dropped promoting the "hypocritical" "balance" policy...

Enough of that...but it helps paint this picture...

The truth of the matter was that he was multi-faceted...

From one perspective...his life looked like all work...

From another perspective his work looked like all life (fun)...

It wasn't like some people claim...that when they are working...they work and when they are away from work they play...his position was that work and life are never fully detached from eachother...

When he was at work he played and when he was at play he worked...

AND that was not always the case either...

I could not say that it was a "zen" balance either...

It was simply an enigma...

Enough of that...I do not dwell on puzzles that have no solution...

The reason that I was pondering this characteristic of his...was that "my stars" had aligned and everything was in motion...I had absolutely nothing to do for the upcoming 2 weeks...my intervention in any of the paths...would have slowed them...so it was time for me to sit back and emphasize "life!"

I was proud of myself...I scheduled time off...I created a plan...went to bed early...and totally ignored any thoughts about what was going on at work...I was out...and was going to focus on "life..."

I found my balance...or so I thought...

I rose early...with a relaxed energy...

Ate and just as I finished cleaning up after myself...

He and his smile were at my door!

In his right hand was a stack of paper...

After his usual greeting he announced, "We've got work to do my friend..."

"But..." I knew that arguing with him was useless...so I stopped in mid-sentence...

The ink on my mental "to-do" list was "rained on" by his enthusiasm...and was no longer mentally legible.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked

"What were you going to do?" He responded

"I took a couple of days off to catch up on the things around here...and just enjoy life..."

"I heard that you were taking a week...so I did too...so I could work on the stuff I love working on," he replied...

You are always doing the things you love doing...so what's the difference?

"Between me and you...or what I do and what you do?" he snickered...

He saw that I was not amused by his humor...and quickly change gears!

"...I want you to learn a cool thing...PACE..."

"Like pacing yourself?" I asked...

"Kind of..." he smiled...and then without asking...he entered the house...sat at the kitchen table and took the "mentoring position..."

I knew that I was "in trouble."  This was the kind of trouble that was fun though...and a diversion from the things I thought I should be doing...

"PACE..." he contemplated...

"...Practice..."
"...And..."
"...Concentrated..."
"...Effort..."

"That's the kind of "PACE" I am referring to..."

"The old saying..."In order to truly enjoy your life...you must learn to pace yourself..." is really true but the meaning of "pace" has to be understood in its true sense..." 

"Many people believe that "pacing yourself" means slowing down so that you last...or conserving enegry...rationing whatever you are doing...but that is a bad strategy if you intend not only to win the race...and when you are out to set a record that can not be beat..."

"True pacing means setting a rate that allows you to achieve your goals..."

"There is a huge difference between..."

"...Running a marathon..."
"...Finishing a marathon..."
"...Winning a marathon..."
"...and..."
"...Setting a new record book time in the marathon..." 

"Did you notice that as we progressed through each of those situations...they included the previous ones...for example...you can not "Win a marathon" if you do not "Finish a marathon" and you can not do that if you do not begin "running a marathon..."

"If a marathon is really worth running...then it is worth finishing...and if that...then it is worth winning...and if it is worth winning...then setting a new record is the goal to be strived for..."

"...Work is like that..."
"...Life is like that..."
"...Play is like that..."

"There are two important aspects of everything that we do..."

"1 - What we want to do...and..."

"2 - What the goal of what we want to do is..."

"Choose what you want to do...then set your goals and Practice and Concentrated Effort needs to kick in..."

"This allows you to wring every drop of enjoyment from every activity..."

"But what a talented person must realize is that there is no such thing as an ultimate goal..."

"Every goal is interim..."

"The achievement of each goal is simply a stepping stone to the next level..."

"I want to run in a marathon...done..."

"I want to finish the marathon...done..."

"I want to win a marathon...done..."

"I want to set a new marathon record...done..."

"...and so on..."

"A person may say...I am not a marathon runner...then my advice is...don't run marathons!"

"Find what you can do well and do more of it...That is what finding and connecting with your passion is all about...someday people will be out selling this "magic formula!"  Passion will become the buzz-word...mark my words...

I did mark his words...and as predicted...he was right!

"...Doing something that you really can not do...or do not want to do...or that your have no passion to do...will only lead to sub-standard performance and broken dreams..."

"...Achieve your dreams...one step at a time..."

"...Patience and pace..."

"...That is the secret of work-life balance..."

"...So let's see that list of yours..."

"...It was simply a mental list," I explained...

"...Then the first thing that you need to do is make it substantial..."

"...If you are not singly directed...then you need to write your goals out..."

"...Mental lists...no matter how short...can be "washed out" by the simpliest and most menial things..."

"Like a knock on the door and a smile?" I asked

"What?" he responded...

"Never mind," I replied with a smirk, "It's and inside joke with only me..."

"Not to shift the subject...But...What's on the paper?" I asked...

"Nothing...it's all blank...when I got into the car this morning...it was sitting on my passenger seat...and I thought maybe you knew why I had it!" he answered...

So you are taking your stack of blank papers on a walk?  You have not let go of them since you got here...

"You taught me an important lesson that I made part of my being...that if I pick up a piece of paper...I do not let go of it until it is decisioned..."  Even though these are blank...I can not think of why I would have them and I will not let go of them until I figure out why...and make a decision..."

That is quite a compliment coming from you...but haven't you taken that to an extreme?

"Not at all...if something is worth adding to your being...it should be done fully...this is one of those things..."

"You have many good things to share with others...beyond what I have taught you!  I want you to see that I listen to you also!"

"That is quite a compliment coming from you!  But let's drop the paper LITERALLY and talk a bit more about "balance" before I get back to what I originally set out to do..."

"I do not think that we have to talk any further about "balance."  You just showed me that you fully understand the meaning of it..."

For a moment...I was puzzled...then I realized that my stopping what I had planned...in order to talk with him...was one of the key characteristics...a balance on life-side of the equation...proof that I saw that it was  dynamic...and not scheduled...it is focused and not focused at the same time!  It is all about adjusting to the ever changing demands of work and life and never flinching...it is about focusing on the needs at hand...finishing what is at task...enjoying that moment and moving to the next...

All that said...by saying nothing!

Then he broke into my thoughts...

"Would you mind if I just set the papers here on the table?  I can not think of why I would have put 321 pieces of blank paper in my car...I must be getting senile..."

"I do not mind at all...as long as you remember to take them with you when you leave...you'll remember sometime...and you do not want to be without them when that happens..."

"Let's use a piece to make my list of things that I am going to do...if someting more important does not come up...I do not think 1 piece will matter..."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that I put them there...to see what would happen!

Making your Mark...

I think that he could see that I was frustrated with my progress...not in my personal progress...but in the progress of the organization's recognition of me...or perhaps it was how and for what they recognized in me...

Perhaps...it was what I thought they saw me as...

I will never know for sure...but the fact was...I was not happy...

I felt like another obscure cog in the machine...

I was doing things that, from my perspective, were amazing...

...but ,I was not moving within the corporation as quickly as the mainstream "under-performers..." 

All of my emotions aside...I could walk circles around every one of them...that bothered me...

...Not that I could easily out do them if I tried...(that was child's play)...it was that they were reaping benefits for mediocre performance...and mine...meager at best...

As the days and months passed...my frustration grew...

All of the feedback that I received from my "360s" used unsolicited words like "made his mark..." or "created legends" or "unmatched performance..." or "exceeded my expectations 10 fold..." or significant value-added in everything he does..."

If I went by feedback alone, I could conclude that I made "my mark" and created "an image" for myself that differentiated me from the rest...but I was not feeling the rewards that I expected...

...the ones that I thought I would get through the achievement of those "great and wonderful things"...

Therein was the source of my frustration!

My feelings were coming to a head...I had decided that I needed to make a decision...

That is when I found myself sitting in his living room...after dinner...being joined by someone who knew him better than I!

She had been with him for ever...the last time we met was, on foreign soil, at his cottage and villa...to celebrate his birthday!

It was apparent from the first meeting that she was a dedicated and loyal individual...

...I think that he missed her...

or perhaps his "remote home"...was getting unmanageably filthy and he needed her to add her touches to it!

At this meeting, I could see that she missed him too!

Being together renewed the spirits in both of them...

In repayment for her loyalty and dedication...he took care of her needs...and often showered her with amazing gifts...

He invited her to come to America and live with him for a few months and she immediately took the offer...reminding him that she would only stay for as long as her visa allowed...then with a sly smile said that after that...he had to come home and live...

She knew better than that...but she pulled his chain as hard as he did hers...

After dining with him...I put on my analytical hat and postulated that the main reason for his bringing her over was her cooking...it was amazing and entirely homemade...

She found farm markets and fresh food that I never knew existed...nothing was pre-processed or frozen or canned!  She could easily start a restaurant and retire rich...but that was not what she wanted...

We retreated to his den and simply sat in a "food coma"...after a while...she entered the room with a decanter of "his favorite" and an ice bucket and 2 glasses...I believe that half of her luggage contained many bottles of his rum...wrapped in her clothing for safe transport!

That was how she took care of him...

On this visit he returned the favor by buying her Americanized clothes...and a car...

Her presence ...kept him busy...and a bit distracted from the mundane world of our organization...

He constantly complained about her...but the complaints were more spurred on by happiness than inconvenience...when he would start complaining I would always tell him that he was not happy unless he was miserable...and that I was so glad to see him so miserable...

All in all...she had made a mark in his life...and he in hers...

She raised him...because his mother and father were always busy...or gone...in one way or another...

I guessed that as a child, he was a challenge...

From the stories they told...she was barely 12 years old...when she took over his rearing...

...he was an infant...

She was the daughter of the family that resided on the estate...in his cottage...

Her father the grounds keeper and her mother, the cook...

It was kind of like a fairy tale...a weird fairy tale...

She became his "nanny" and confident...there was no one else around to help... 

Although the age difference was no more than a brother/sister apart...she was his mother...and he treated her that way...

They were seldom apart during his "developmental years..." 

During the war...she protected him as well she could...

She was all he had...and she felt obligated (or so she said) and vice versa...

...or so he said...

"The war" had taken its toll on both families...

...from the sky...

They never knew if it was axis bombs or allied bombs...it was a daily occurence...one by one the family was torn apart, until it was just the two of them left to fend for themselves...

It wasn't long after that...he went to fight and she thought that she had lost him...

After two years, the war ended and he came triumphantly home...(as he put it)...15 years older and ready to make the supreme sacrifice...

He found that during his absence...she had fallen in love...but she refused to run from her commitment to him...

With a smile he recollected that this gave him the opportunity to "woo" the most beautiful and smartest woman in their village...

She helped him rebuild the estate...

...He gave her away at her wedding...

...and she gave him away at his wedding...

...they both out-lived their spouses...

from then to now...she watched over the estate...when he was gone

...and also when he was there...

And he watched over her...like a precious jewel...it was cute...

He would send her "trivial" daily updates on his escapes and excerpts from his journal...

She would return notes to him asking for permission and advice...

But he confided in me that he knew that her asking was simply a show...the decisions were already made by the time he received the letters...

He just laughed...and gave her his position...which was often the opposite of what he "knew" she decided...just to "make her squirm!"

A wonderful story...
I toasted a wonderful feast and commented on how I would find it impossible to stay trim if I had someone cooking like that for me everyday...

He winked at her and replied that his diet plan included staying away from home as much as possible so he would stay trim...

She winked at him and replied that the only reason for him staying away from paradise for so long was sitting in my chair...I laughed and blushed!

They laughed as if that interchange was conspired and then as if according to plan...she disappeared into the kitchen! 

"I thought you needed a feast..." he said...

"You have not been yourself and I see it getting worse...now that you are done eating...what is eating at you?"

I knew that he had already figured out what was bothering me...but he wanted it confirmed and...

He also knew that if I verbalized it...that was the first step towards reconciling the situation in my mind...

"I am getting tired of working so hard...making huge strides and accomplishments and watching the losers, pass me up..."

He took his contemplative stance, a drink of his rum and looked at me...directly into my eyes...
"Could it be that you are running toward a different finish line...than the others and you are confusing the two?"

"Or could it be that you and them are running two entirely different races and you think these two races are the same?"

"I am in no mood for analogies today," I replied...

"Perhaps that mood is an indicator of your plight..." he said as if he set me up for that response

"Tell me...what have you set out to do?"

I replied almost automatically, "To create a unique personal brand...to differentiate myself from the crowd and make it a legend..."

"That legend will not be with words or hollow promises but by results...things of substance..."

"I intend to do that...by making significant and meaningful differences in the lives of individuals and the performance of organizations..."

"Are you doing that?" he asked

"Yes," I replied..."You know that I am..."

"Then I would have to say that...you are on track...Right?"

I began to open my mouth...and he said without breaking beat...

"Take a drink and listen to me!"

"While I listened to you...I did not hear anything about getting promoted along the way..."

"You know as well as I do...If that is important to you...then why is that not in your personal mission and goals?"

"If you tell me that it really is not important to you...then why are you letting that frustrate you?"

He paused for an eternity and I knew better than to reply...
"What it sounds like...is that you did not align one of your measures of success with your mission!"

"or that you are all set for success...and have just lost focus..."

I could see that he was choosing his words carefully and I respected his silence...
 "Let me tell you a story that is often told..." 

"...but almost everyone who tells it...is misusing it..."

"It is about Pablo Picasso...the Spanish Artist..."

"Many people have told me that I look like him...but that is another story for another day!"

"He is best known for his "cubist" art...and was often a target of critics who said that the reason he painted that way he did...was because he couldn't paint any other way..."

"He was a VERY proud man...and took that as a challenge..."

"He went "back to the norm" and painted some great realistic works..."

"...and when he thought that he had rectified himself...went back to his world of cubism..."

"Herein lies the problem...The misrepresentation that many use...was that he proved himself once and for all, to the world...that he could do what they could do...only better...then he went back to his "extreme" and lived in the cubist world happily ever after..."

"That is the furthest thing from the truth...

"I do not know if you know this...he not only painted...but he designed and sculpted...and worked in many art forms...he was and is a legend..."

"In truth...a few realistic paintings does not an artist make...and it does not change a reputation once and for all..."

"Many people make the mistake of striving to make their mark (going to the extreme) before they have firmly established themselves in the normal world...and as a result are easily rejected...or recognized as the legend...but not in the "normal" world...they become FREAKS..."

"Before you can create your style...or make you mark...or create a legend...you have to show the world that you can do whatever they want...on their terms...AND you have to do it OFTEN and in their terms"

"Pablo would have done himself better if he painted one out of every 10 paintings within the world's criteria...to maintain his presence and recognition as a normal artist..."

"You can not live in the world of the unique...if you do not have something of value to offer the world on their terms...otherwise...you are just a worthless freak of no value and in truth...they are right!"

"You can not live entirely on the extreme...if you try...that is only what the world will see you as..."

"You can not even tout talent on the extreme and think that the world will reward you within the criteria of the normal...they don't know how...you have to seek some level of normality"

"Don't deceive yourself into believing that you can be different on you own accord...you have to earn the right to do so..."


"Pablo, luckily, was recognized before his death...even he said that it was more luck than talent...what happened was that a large enough sector of people...by chance...saw his talent...it happens...but that situation is a rarity...never think that you'll be the next!"

I finished my last sip and said..."So what does that have to do with me?"

"You have made your mark...and I can tell you that no one can beat you!"

"You are a legend...and you'll do that...everywhere that you go...but be careful to spend the appropriate amount of time in the normal world...

"Do it often enough that you show the world that conforming to their standard is child's play for you...and that you can perform in their world too, as one of the best...DO NOT just give them mediocre performance...if you do...they'll have something to criticize you for...and they are right!  They'll label you a freak and they'll be right!"

"If you try to stay in your world...they'll never know what to do with you...and you'll simply be a freak and a sideshow act...strictly for their entertainment!  You'll never amount to anything there...Fame and fortune is made in the normal world...not on the extremes..."

"They'll want $1million from you and you'll give them $10million...

"They'll need $10million and you'll give them $100million..."

"I have seen it and that is just the way you work..."

"Don't think that you can live entirely in the world of legendary performance...legends either die alone...or they die a tragic death!"

"That is an interesting story...I have to think through that..."

"I can say...that the truth has already hit me pretty hard!"

"You are right...before you can make your mark on the outside of the world...before you create a style...you have to make a mark in the middle...and you have to continue to prove yourself there..."

"A person can not realistically believe that it is always OK to be different...before you earn the right to be different...you have to prove yourself in the normal world...do something that they can not do...and earn respect...just being different does not earn respect...it just makes you a freak..."

So your advice is that a person doesn't live on that extreme, without checking in the real world on a regular basis and reconfirming sanity!"

"I can tell you that early on in my life that this exact same conversation was shared with me...when I came home from school crying..."

"I thought it was OK to be different...so I worked to make my mark...but I forgot that I had to earn the right to be different"

"That conversation changed my life...and the way that I did things..."

For a moment I wondered who told him that...for all I knew, it was Picasso himself?

...then I turned and looked in the doorway that leads to the kitchen...

She was standing there and I saw her smiling...a real proud smile...

...that is when I realized...

...that the letters back and forth were probably more than the bantering between two old people...

...that her visit was not just for his sake...AND...

...who else had a hand in my mentoring...