Making your Mark...

I think that he could see that I was frustrated with my progress...not in my personal progress...but in the progress of the organization's recognition of me...or perhaps it was how and for what they recognized in me...

Perhaps...it was what I thought they saw me as...

I will never know for sure...but the fact was...I was not happy...

I felt like another obscure cog in the machine...

I was doing things that, from my perspective, were amazing...

...but ,I was not moving within the corporation as quickly as the mainstream "under-performers..." 

All of my emotions aside...I could walk circles around every one of them...that bothered me...

...Not that I could easily out do them if I tried...(that was child's play)...it was that they were reaping benefits for mediocre performance...and mine...meager at best...

As the days and months passed...my frustration grew...

All of the feedback that I received from my "360s" used unsolicited words like "made his mark..." or "created legends" or "unmatched performance..." or "exceeded my expectations 10 fold..." or significant value-added in everything he does..."

If I went by feedback alone, I could conclude that I made "my mark" and created "an image" for myself that differentiated me from the rest...but I was not feeling the rewards that I expected...

...the ones that I thought I would get through the achievement of those "great and wonderful things"...

Therein was the source of my frustration!

My feelings were coming to a head...I had decided that I needed to make a decision...

That is when I found myself sitting in his living room...after dinner...being joined by someone who knew him better than I!

She had been with him for ever...the last time we met was, on foreign soil, at his cottage and villa...to celebrate his birthday!

It was apparent from the first meeting that she was a dedicated and loyal individual...

...I think that he missed her...

or perhaps his "remote home"...was getting unmanageably filthy and he needed her to add her touches to it!

At this meeting, I could see that she missed him too!

Being together renewed the spirits in both of them...

In repayment for her loyalty and dedication...he took care of her needs...and often showered her with amazing gifts...

He invited her to come to America and live with him for a few months and she immediately took the offer...reminding him that she would only stay for as long as her visa allowed...then with a sly smile said that after that...he had to come home and live...

She knew better than that...but she pulled his chain as hard as he did hers...

After dining with him...I put on my analytical hat and postulated that the main reason for his bringing her over was her cooking...it was amazing and entirely homemade...

She found farm markets and fresh food that I never knew existed...nothing was pre-processed or frozen or canned!  She could easily start a restaurant and retire rich...but that was not what she wanted...

We retreated to his den and simply sat in a "food coma"...after a while...she entered the room with a decanter of "his favorite" and an ice bucket and 2 glasses...I believe that half of her luggage contained many bottles of his rum...wrapped in her clothing for safe transport!

That was how she took care of him...

On this visit he returned the favor by buying her Americanized clothes...and a car...

Her presence ...kept him busy...and a bit distracted from the mundane world of our organization...

He constantly complained about her...but the complaints were more spurred on by happiness than inconvenience...when he would start complaining I would always tell him that he was not happy unless he was miserable...and that I was so glad to see him so miserable...

All in all...she had made a mark in his life...and he in hers...

She raised him...because his mother and father were always busy...or gone...in one way or another...

I guessed that as a child, he was a challenge...

From the stories they told...she was barely 12 years old...when she took over his rearing...

...he was an infant...

She was the daughter of the family that resided on the estate...in his cottage...

Her father the grounds keeper and her mother, the cook...

It was kind of like a fairy tale...a weird fairy tale...

She became his "nanny" and confident...there was no one else around to help... 

Although the age difference was no more than a brother/sister apart...she was his mother...and he treated her that way...

They were seldom apart during his "developmental years..." 

During the war...she protected him as well she could...

She was all he had...and she felt obligated (or so she said) and vice versa...

...or so he said...

"The war" had taken its toll on both families...

...from the sky...

They never knew if it was axis bombs or allied bombs...it was a daily occurence...one by one the family was torn apart, until it was just the two of them left to fend for themselves...

It wasn't long after that...he went to fight and she thought that she had lost him...

After two years, the war ended and he came triumphantly home...(as he put it)...15 years older and ready to make the supreme sacrifice...

He found that during his absence...she had fallen in love...but she refused to run from her commitment to him...

With a smile he recollected that this gave him the opportunity to "woo" the most beautiful and smartest woman in their village...

She helped him rebuild the estate...

...He gave her away at her wedding...

...and she gave him away at his wedding...

...they both out-lived their spouses...

from then to now...she watched over the estate...when he was gone

...and also when he was there...

And he watched over her...like a precious jewel...it was cute...

He would send her "trivial" daily updates on his escapes and excerpts from his journal...

She would return notes to him asking for permission and advice...

But he confided in me that he knew that her asking was simply a show...the decisions were already made by the time he received the letters...

He just laughed...and gave her his position...which was often the opposite of what he "knew" she decided...just to "make her squirm!"

A wonderful story...
I toasted a wonderful feast and commented on how I would find it impossible to stay trim if I had someone cooking like that for me everyday...

He winked at her and replied that his diet plan included staying away from home as much as possible so he would stay trim...

She winked at him and replied that the only reason for him staying away from paradise for so long was sitting in my chair...I laughed and blushed!

They laughed as if that interchange was conspired and then as if according to plan...she disappeared into the kitchen! 

"I thought you needed a feast..." he said...

"You have not been yourself and I see it getting worse...now that you are done eating...what is eating at you?"

I knew that he had already figured out what was bothering me...but he wanted it confirmed and...

He also knew that if I verbalized it...that was the first step towards reconciling the situation in my mind...

"I am getting tired of working so hard...making huge strides and accomplishments and watching the losers, pass me up..."

He took his contemplative stance, a drink of his rum and looked at me...directly into my eyes...
"Could it be that you are running toward a different finish line...than the others and you are confusing the two?"

"Or could it be that you and them are running two entirely different races and you think these two races are the same?"

"I am in no mood for analogies today," I replied...

"Perhaps that mood is an indicator of your plight..." he said as if he set me up for that response

"Tell me...what have you set out to do?"

I replied almost automatically, "To create a unique personal brand...to differentiate myself from the crowd and make it a legend..."

"That legend will not be with words or hollow promises but by results...things of substance..."

"I intend to do that...by making significant and meaningful differences in the lives of individuals and the performance of organizations..."

"Are you doing that?" he asked

"Yes," I replied..."You know that I am..."

"Then I would have to say that...you are on track...Right?"

I began to open my mouth...and he said without breaking beat...

"Take a drink and listen to me!"

"While I listened to you...I did not hear anything about getting promoted along the way..."

"You know as well as I do...If that is important to you...then why is that not in your personal mission and goals?"

"If you tell me that it really is not important to you...then why are you letting that frustrate you?"

He paused for an eternity and I knew better than to reply...
"What it sounds like...is that you did not align one of your measures of success with your mission!"

"or that you are all set for success...and have just lost focus..."

I could see that he was choosing his words carefully and I respected his silence...
 "Let me tell you a story that is often told..." 

"...but almost everyone who tells it...is misusing it..."

"It is about Pablo Picasso...the Spanish Artist..."

"Many people have told me that I look like him...but that is another story for another day!"

"He is best known for his "cubist" art...and was often a target of critics who said that the reason he painted that way he did...was because he couldn't paint any other way..."

"He was a VERY proud man...and took that as a challenge..."

"He went "back to the norm" and painted some great realistic works..."

"...and when he thought that he had rectified himself...went back to his world of cubism..."

"Herein lies the problem...The misrepresentation that many use...was that he proved himself once and for all, to the world...that he could do what they could do...only better...then he went back to his "extreme" and lived in the cubist world happily ever after..."

"That is the furthest thing from the truth...

"I do not know if you know this...he not only painted...but he designed and sculpted...and worked in many art forms...he was and is a legend..."

"In truth...a few realistic paintings does not an artist make...and it does not change a reputation once and for all..."

"Many people make the mistake of striving to make their mark (going to the extreme) before they have firmly established themselves in the normal world...and as a result are easily rejected...or recognized as the legend...but not in the "normal" world...they become FREAKS..."

"Before you can create your style...or make you mark...or create a legend...you have to show the world that you can do whatever they want...on their terms...AND you have to do it OFTEN and in their terms"

"Pablo would have done himself better if he painted one out of every 10 paintings within the world's criteria...to maintain his presence and recognition as a normal artist..."

"You can not live in the world of the unique...if you do not have something of value to offer the world on their terms...otherwise...you are just a worthless freak of no value and in truth...they are right!"

"You can not live entirely on the extreme...if you try...that is only what the world will see you as..."

"You can not even tout talent on the extreme and think that the world will reward you within the criteria of the normal...they don't know how...you have to seek some level of normality"

"Don't deceive yourself into believing that you can be different on you own accord...you have to earn the right to do so..."


"Pablo, luckily, was recognized before his death...even he said that it was more luck than talent...what happened was that a large enough sector of people...by chance...saw his talent...it happens...but that situation is a rarity...never think that you'll be the next!"

I finished my last sip and said..."So what does that have to do with me?"

"You have made your mark...and I can tell you that no one can beat you!"

"You are a legend...and you'll do that...everywhere that you go...but be careful to spend the appropriate amount of time in the normal world...

"Do it often enough that you show the world that conforming to their standard is child's play for you...and that you can perform in their world too, as one of the best...DO NOT just give them mediocre performance...if you do...they'll have something to criticize you for...and they are right!  They'll label you a freak and they'll be right!"

"If you try to stay in your world...they'll never know what to do with you...and you'll simply be a freak and a sideshow act...strictly for their entertainment!  You'll never amount to anything there...Fame and fortune is made in the normal world...not on the extremes..."

"They'll want $1million from you and you'll give them $10million...

"They'll need $10million and you'll give them $100million..."

"I have seen it and that is just the way you work..."

"Don't think that you can live entirely in the world of legendary performance...legends either die alone...or they die a tragic death!"

"That is an interesting story...I have to think through that..."

"I can say...that the truth has already hit me pretty hard!"

"You are right...before you can make your mark on the outside of the world...before you create a style...you have to make a mark in the middle...and you have to continue to prove yourself there..."

"A person can not realistically believe that it is always OK to be different...before you earn the right to be different...you have to prove yourself in the normal world...do something that they can not do...and earn respect...just being different does not earn respect...it just makes you a freak..."

So your advice is that a person doesn't live on that extreme, without checking in the real world on a regular basis and reconfirming sanity!"

"I can tell you that early on in my life that this exact same conversation was shared with me...when I came home from school crying..."

"I thought it was OK to be different...so I worked to make my mark...but I forgot that I had to earn the right to be different"

"That conversation changed my life...and the way that I did things..."

For a moment I wondered who told him that...for all I knew, it was Picasso himself?

...then I turned and looked in the doorway that leads to the kitchen...

She was standing there and I saw her smiling...a real proud smile...

...that is when I realized...

...that the letters back and forth were probably more than the bantering between two old people...

...that her visit was not just for his sake...AND...

...who else had a hand in my mentoring...