A New Year's Challenge...

One thing about my relationship with my mentor was that it was in no way superficial...

Although I was the one with psychological training...almost every time we were together...it felt like a psych-session...he being the analyst...and me in the chair!

Although this was the case, in a majority of the times that we spent together...the cool thing was sometimes the tides turned and I was the analyst...and he was the patient...but no matter what role we played...I walked away a better person for having been with him...

How many people can you say that of?

We always dug deep into meanings and touched on things that many times were our greatest fears!

Today it was to be no different...even though I didn't know it...

We stopped at his favorite place...after a hard day of work...having agreed that we both deserved it...

He liked this place because the it was a bar...and a living room...and a restaurant...

It had couches and easy chairs...in private corners...and tables and great service and interesting people...

He had his favorite place and "the establishment's regulars" respected his territory...to the extent that they would move for him or if it were a crowded night...invite him to join them...

I often thought that the courtesy that was afforded him, was because no matter who was there...he joined them and talked deep talk and treated them special...he was an icon...he never drove them away...sometimes they left...his immediate presence...

...But they actually never traveled beyond "earshot"...and often listened to him...without having their own position challenged...

...if I got up and went to the restroom...the conversations in the other huddles were often on the same theme as what he was talking about...

Coincidence?  I think not!

This stop...we found our area was open and sat in our regular places...and without saying a word...got our drinks...

He was seldom charged for them...which was a great benefit!

He spent enough money there and tipped well enough that he would have been better off if they charged him...

We just sipped our drinks and sat quiet...until he broke the "silence."

"I abhor bullies," he said out of the blue...

"I have been working with a bully at work...today I saw that everyone was afraid...that just sucks...so...I have a question for you..."

"I was wondering...How do you handle bullies?"

 "That is an interesting question," I replied..."I have been handling bullies the same way...since I was 7 years old...thanks to advice given to me by my dad!"

"There was this kid...I can not even remember his name...who was about 3 years older than me...and he picked on the little kids at school..."

"For a long time...he picked on everyone else...and didn't notice me...which, I admit was a relief to me..."

"...then one day he began making my life hell...and I rued going to school..."

"I told my dad about him and dad puffed on his cigarette and told me that most bullies have no more power than that smoke...in fact like that smoke...they have nothing solid...and they just stink..."

"...and if you stand up to them (and he waved his hand through the smoke) they'll run like the little sissies that they pick on...just be ready to do what you have to do when you make your stand...that will be what differentiates you from the bullies...as long as you do not do what you do for self-serving reasons..."

"I heard the first part and didn't understand what he meant in the second...at least for the time being..."

"Let me remind you...that was a different day and age...I have to say...I was excited to go back to school and stand up to him!"

"AND like clock-work...he found me at noon recess...my routine...45 minutes of hell!"

"Just like he did every day, for the prior 2 months...he walked up to me, but this time I stood my ground...that shocked him and that simple difference changed his demeanor...to be honest with you...I could see a bit of fear in his eyes...and that gave me the spark of confidence that I needed..."

"He threatened me...and tried to pick on me...and he hit me a couple of times...really hard...and I didn't back down...I could see his fear turn into terror...and he started to back down..."

"I stood my ground...and made my move..."

"A crowd of kids gathered..."

"At first he tried to run...but he saw his classmates, tried to recoup his title of class bully and turned...then he walked directly up to me and threatened to punch me..."

"I didn't let him say another thing and told him enough was enough...and showed him immediately what I meant by "enough was enough"...I didn't stop until he fully understood what "enough is enough" really meant and was crying and totally humiliated..."

"As he laid there in a whimpering heap...I took his shoes and made him beg for them back...just like he did to many of the kids he picked on...he sobbed like a little baby and the kids in the schoolyard laughed and taunted him...even his "friends!"

"I remembered that it looked like a bunch of jackals attacking one of their own!"

"What I didn't realize what that event meant to him and to me..."

"It ruined his reputation as a bully and he never recovered..."

"He became a "whimpy little lamb" from that day forward...his position among his "friends" went from the top to the bottom..."

"I became a second grade "super hero!""

"It would have been good if I let it go from there...but I over the course of the next few months...I pushed him for my amusement and that of my friends!  Until I learned that I too had become a bully...let's save that discussion is for another day..."

"And my dad was right...99% of the world's bullies are nothing but smoke!  Stand up to them and they back down..."

"And my dad was right...there is that 1% who...when you make the stand...you have to be ready to make good on your promises!"

"While playing the role of school "super-hero" I challenged the 99% and I met the 1% too!"

"While in that role...I learned to choose my battles wisely!  I always asked myself...is it worth it...?"

"The important lessons that I learned is that a person needs to be ready to stand up...if you're a bully...then you have to make good on your threats...if you are a super hero...you have to be ready to stand on your promises!"

"I would be a lot better looking if I had learned that lesson quicker...I laughed!"

"You know...perhaps I never left the role of super-hero...I still am an advocate...I too can not stand for bullies..."

"So...you stand up to bullies when the value of the stand exceeds the value related to walking away...that is a hard decision...but I can understand it..." he reflected...

"It also made me keenly aware of the words I use..." I added...

"Most words...from most people...have become hollow and meaningless...people who are true to their words are rare..."

"An interesting observation is that a person's integrity is inversely related to the count of their excuses"

"When people learn that you do what you say...the frequency of stands against bullies become few and far between..."

That is when "your reputation preceeds you" becomes important...

"That is what character and integrity is all about..."

"It is when you make a promise and ensure that the promise is fulfilled..."

"It is declaring a resolution and sticking with it..."

"It is recognizing that a broken promise or broken resolution is nothing more than a lie with and excuse attached to it!"

"The ability to take a stand can not be misused...it should only used when it is of value to others...never for personal benefit..."

"Because if you use it for personal gain...you become a bully..."

I thought that this would be the beginning of a great conversation, but it lead nowhere...

He smiled...and nodded and began sipping his drink again!

Halfway through the "third round" he talked again!

"Look around..."


"Everyone in this place...in one way or another is preparing for the New Year..."


"You know what they do not realize?"


"The New Year is a bully!"


"I didn't realize this about the New Year, until you started telling your story..."


"When I think about it...the New Year makes people say things that they know they'll never follow through on..."


"The New Year makes people do things they do not want to do...and act in ways they do not want to act..."


"The New Year pushes people around...like a bully..."


"It disguises its bullying...as a challenge..."

"The New Year challenge..."


"It almost feels like we have a decision to make..."


"Are we going to let the New Year challenge us?"

"Are we going to let the New Year Bully us?"


"Is the New Year going to be a challenge...like a bully?...or..."


"Are we going to take a stand against the New Year and challenge the New Year?"


"...like standing up to a bully..."


"Now comes our next challenging thought..."

"Is the New Year part of the 99% or the 1%?"

"Will it back down...when we stand up to it?"

"Do you want to know what I think?"

I tried to talk but he never took a breath...

"In my experience the New Year will turn and run...in fact it will give you everything you ask of it...as long as you do not push it around for your own benefit..."

I was way too awed to add anything...

He made perfect sense...his parallel was astute...

"The New Year is a bully..."

"Every year...people are challenged by what the new year threatens..."

"This year...I will challenge the year rather than be challenged by it!"

With that...he jumped totally out of character and in fact...he jumped up on an end table and the crowd noticed and totally hushed...

He said, "I have an annoucement to make...the New Year is a bully..."


"Are you going to let it push you around and be challenged by it or..."


"Are you going to stand up to it and challenge it?"


"When you make this year's resolutions...think about that!"

The crowd applauded him...for his stand...

I have never forgotten that day!

AND...still make my commitments (promises) to stand up to the challenge...