The When, and How of What YOU Say...

We were sitting at his favorite oasis...

We usually had some deep subject to discuss and used this location for uninterrupted seclusion...

To everyone else there...we were faceless...

Our oasis provided a place where we could be alone in a crowd...and we liked it that way...

Today there was a difference in our discussion...it was different because there were no words exchanged...

We listened...not to eachother...but to every conversation going on around us...

I do not think this was the original intent of our meeting there...but it was what became of it...

I found that very interesting...most of the conversations were superficial in content...yet VERY deep when considered in context and inflection...

The words were simply containers of the real meanings which were conveyed through the way they were said...the tones and frequency of use...

Perhaps listening was not the right way to describe it...

After an hour or so of perfect quiet in the chaos...he observed, "Language and communication are  interesting abilities..."

"We have a limited vocabulary...yet the number of things we communicate are infinite..."

"It was said long ago that the tongue (one's words) is a two-edged sword..."

"I believe that this is true in part...but more has to be added to it to make it more meaningful..."

"As I observe these dramas...there really few words being used...and so many messages being communicated..."


"As we sit here...there are six conversations going on that are within intelligible earshot...I have been listening to the words...and found that they are all using the same words...with a few variations depending on the actual subject...what I hear is what I call the common communication set..."


"Yet all six conversations are significantly different...in terms of their subjects"


"What differentiates them is the inflections and tones..."


"If you shift your attention over to that couple...The words are basic...but the lady's tone is condescending and accusatory..."


I have not heard her say anything nice during the entire conversation...because of her tone...yet if you transcribed it and read it...you would say...it isn't a bad conversation..."


"Watch...it will only be a matter of time and the guy in this conversation will walk away...in fact...he already has...figuratively speaking...he doesn't need to take that...and for whatever reason it may be...the lady is clueless to the fact that she is hurting him..."


"Now look over at that group of four...and listen to them..."


"Their words are nearly the same...in fact the conversations are similar...yet the tones are uplifting...compliments preceed any statement that has the slightest hint of hurt...and if any hurt is sensed...an apology quickly follows...


"Now shift your attention to that couple over there...they are barely talking...yet the messages are VERY clear!"


"This is the what I call the messages conveyed by white-space"


"What is important is the meaning...this is conveyed though many sources..."


"I used to say...if you get the message (the words) you can refuse it...if you get the meaning...you'll never lose it..."


"Whales can communicate with each other over great distances...not because they have great messages...but because they know how to listen and what to listen for!"


"We need to take a lesson from them..."


"I once heard it said that a negative comment is three times more destructive than a positive statement is uplifting"


"That means that a good leader (or a good person have you) should say three positive things for every negative comment that they make."


"I believe that a great leader finds and communicates ten positive things for every negative thing that they say...messages must be controlled and tongue bridled...or they will ultimately be destructive..."


"AND like the whales...messages can be conveyed across great distances to those who know how to listen...find an audience who knows how to listen...do not broadcast...talk and only when you have to talk...spend most of your time listening!"


"Why are we doing this?" I asked, "Is there a lesson that I need to learn?"

This conversation seemed to shake my very foundations...

"Have I fallen short of your expectations?"


"You are reading too much into our talk," he smiled, "You are being a good whale!"


"In actuality...we all need constant reminders of what is really important..." 


"I learn as much by observing people doing things wrong as I do those who are doing right...it is all about the lessons learned and from where they come..."


"There are lessons to be learned everywhere...we miss most of the opportunities..." 


"Sit back enjoy the show...and learn something..."

The Recipe for Success

It always seems strange how our contact ebbs and wanes...

He seems to always be present with me...yet there are times that he intentionally leaves me alone to my own demise or success...

Whether I succeeded or failed and learned something...he was always there to celebrate...

Our celebrations always included the "war story" while it was fresh in our minds...

We traded perspectives...and documented them...sometimes literally and other times mentally...

"There is no difference between success and failure," he would always remind me.

"Every event in one's life is the sum total of the inputs..."

"There is no other possible outcome to be had...except for the one that resulted..."

"Remorse is an insane response to any event..."

"Why feel remorseful when it could not have been any different...given the set of circumstances (inputs)?"

"If you wanted a different outcome...you should have used a different recipe!"

"One can not put the ingredients in the oven for a pie and expect a cake to come out!"

Over time, that repeated reminder drove both remorse and elation from me.

Not that I became numb...I still felt sadness and happiness...but I recognized them for what they were in relation to the present...and they were no longer carried (as baggage) into the future and allowed to filter my inputs to the future/present...

"Remember that all future activities are inputs into the present..."

"All plans are inputs into the present..."

"All dreams are inputs into the present..."

"What happens in the future is the recipe for your next present..."

This perspective really messed with my head...

I always thought that the future was related to the present like the present is related to the past...

Quite linear and sequential...

The way he talked actually flipped my perspective 180 degrees...

"It is all about what you have learned and where you live and put your energy," he would confide

""It is about the flow of knowledge...what you remember (learned) and what you forgot..."

"Knowledge and wisdom, from the past and present, flow into the future.  It filters and controls it..."

"The problem with most people is that they always leave one ingredient in their future that (more often than not) ruins the present..."

"You would think that they would learn..."

"Do you know what it is?"

"No I do not'" I responded...

"Actually...you do...just not consciously...I learned it from you..."

"It is so simple that you'll think that I have deceived myself of its significance...but this is not the case!" 

"You do not allow the possibility of failure to exist, as one of your inputs..."

He could see the disappointment on my face.  I was expecting some deep and hidden truth...

Instead...it was all about what I left out...the possibility of failure...

Mixed into the look of disappointment was also a question...that he quickly picked up upon...

"Failure is a dormant and lethal virus...a threat to every present event..."

"In fact the present...always seems to activate failure virus..."

"Allowing for the possibility for failure...injects it into the event...and it resides into the future event...ever so inconspicuously...in VERY small and undetectable quantities..."

"The failure virus is a robust entity...given the opportunity...and the right growing conditions...(Which seems to be any condition)...it will multiply and over-take the host...turning the event into exactly what it wants...rather than what it was intended to be..."

"When did I show you that?" I asked

"Time for a war story!"

"Do you remember when you were put in charge of that HUGE software system migration?"

"How could I forget that one?"

"You were a good project manager...but this was the first time in your career that you did a project that included the migration of an entire software system"

"What you did that taught me this important lesson...was that you broke the overall migration into smaller migrations...manageable pieces...and you scheduled windows for each migration...1 hour in length...around the clock..."

"Your goal for the overall effort was to successfully migrate each sub-application within that window..."

"It was the application manager's responsibility to ensure their part was thoroughly tested and ready for the time that their window opened..."

"I also remember that you were criticized for not having put in time within each window for problem resolution...you were called a fool...and your response was..."

"If I build in time for fixing...someone is going to use it..."

"I loved that..."

"You turned your pager off...because that thing was only used for escalations of problems..."

"If you really believed that problems were not going to occur...why tempt them in by having a path into your effort..."

"They called you naive and stupid...but you held to your plan..."

"You controlled the future by your actions within the present..."

"AND IT WORKED!"

"This taught me that controlling risk was more than having alternative path in the event that something went awry...you only allowed one path to success...and ignored all of the others possible routes..."

"Literally millions of lines of codes migrated in short order without a hitch!"

"It appeared that the odds were against you...but you created a legend!" 

"That legend was not created by what you did...but with what you didn't allow!"

"I DID THAT?!!?"

"Many successful people got that way by not realizing that failure was so imminent!  The consistently successful person is not naive or stupid...but wise to the threat of failure and does not allow it to be an option..."

"Whether you realize it or not...this has been one of your keys to success...that I actually borrowed from your behavior and made it part of mine!  

"I learned early in my career that "failure" is always knocking at one's door!  It is a pervasive entity...constantly looking for an opportunity to contribute to your present..."

"I did not like what it had to offer..."

"It is not that I ignored the threat of failure...but I learned a lesson from Don Quixote!"

"I didn't waste my time...chasing windmills..."

"Many efforts spend more time on averting issues and failure (some highly unlikely ones) than on the effort itself"

"I diverted as much of my energy on making something happen...rather than planning for what I would do WHEN it failed!"

"So you did that intentionally?"

"Yes!"

"You learned that from the story of Don Quixote?"

"Yes!"

"Well done!"

 I seldom heard those words...and knew that it actually meant that I would probably be seeing less of him...

For now...

Talent and Genius

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.- Arthur Schopenhauer

I was thinking about how I could describe him in one sentence...

This was a challenge that he routinely gave me...

To describe myself in one succinct sentence...

"Describing yourself in one sentence is something you should be prepared to do on an ongoing basis..." he would admonish...

"The unexamined life is not worth living..."

"A clear understanding of yourself is critical..."

"...If you can not do it...you are traveling too generally..."

I had been reveling over being called "Renaissance man" in the latest annual corporate newsletter and in the annual report!  For me it was quite an honor...

That is...until he burst into my office and immediately sat...holding a copy open to the same article...

"What have they done to you?" he declared...

"I have to do something about it...this calls for immediate action..."

"What the heck are you talking about?" I asked, "By the way...do you want my autograph?"

"My friend...this is an insult...You are good...in some aspects...unmatched...but this is an insult..."

"Settle down!" I interrupted, "Let's talk through this and not make a harsh move!"

He stopped mid sentence...took a breath and sat quietly for a few moments...I think he was awaiting a path of questioning...so I obliged him"

"When I read the article...I took it as a major compliment to be recognized as a multi-talented individual...I thought that they didn't see it...Look the quality and process training is recognized...and my work with their computers...and my engineering work with vacuum and lasers...my managerial and leadership skills...man the list is awesome...what is wrong with that?"

"There are too many sentences...a generalist is what I read...someone who can do whatever is needed...but..."

I seldom heard him use the word "but" and it was most often when he was no choosing his words wisely...

He leaned forward in his chair..."This is a matter of passion and capability..."

"You my friend have discovered the interconnectedness of all things...and have been able to connect what you know...with what you do not...this is a rare gift..."

"This organization has misread your ability and talent...you are singly talented and it appears as multiple talents..."

"You may appear as an expert in all of these things and many more...but it simply because you can grasp the essence of any new endeavor and relate it to what you already know..."

"That is passion and talent my friend...not expertise!  You should not allow that to deceive you!"

"If you were an expert...it would be easy...talent is passion + action"

"You work for what you get...and that is not demeaning...it is a compliment...that is what they should be writing about...not a natural expertise...that is all about luck...you are a worker that does not give up...you are persistent and will do whatever is necessery to achieve your goals..."

"If I were to describe you in one sentence...you are a person of passion and capability"

"They could have saved a ton of money on ink...if they would have simply talked to me first..."

For one of the first times in my life...I felt both elated and deflated...

I had aspired to be recognized...but I realized that recognition needs to be in a singularity...not in complexity!

His one sentence personal definition took on a deeper meaning than I ever fathomed possible...and this lead to more questions...all related to the depth of everything that he tried to show me...

Perhaps I need to reflect on all of them...and seek an understanding that is less superficial and...

"You look like you just entered another dimension,"  he snickered...

"I think that I have!" I responded

"I just realized how much depth those things, that we have been talking about, possess...all of them have that in common..."

"And that my friend is what you are good at...connecting everything that I have taught you...by their common elements...you are no Renaissance man...you are more!"

"I love it when you compliment me...you can do that whenever you want!"

"NOPE!  Only when you have earned it!"

"That is many times...the only payment that one receives for passion and capability"

"So what sentence would you describe me with?"

"I was just thinking about that...and I ran out of words!"