The When, and How of What YOU Say...

We were sitting at his favorite oasis...

We usually had some deep subject to discuss and used this location for uninterrupted seclusion...

To everyone else there...we were faceless...

Our oasis provided a place where we could be alone in a crowd...and we liked it that way...

Today there was a difference in our discussion...it was different because there were no words exchanged...

We listened...not to eachother...but to every conversation going on around us...

I do not think this was the original intent of our meeting there...but it was what became of it...

I found that very interesting...most of the conversations were superficial in content...yet VERY deep when considered in context and inflection...

The words were simply containers of the real meanings which were conveyed through the way they were said...the tones and frequency of use...

Perhaps listening was not the right way to describe it...

After an hour or so of perfect quiet in the chaos...he observed, "Language and communication are  interesting abilities..."

"We have a limited vocabulary...yet the number of things we communicate are infinite..."

"It was said long ago that the tongue (one's words) is a two-edged sword..."

"I believe that this is true in part...but more has to be added to it to make it more meaningful..."

"As I observe these dramas...there really few words being used...and so many messages being communicated..."


"As we sit here...there are six conversations going on that are within intelligible earshot...I have been listening to the words...and found that they are all using the same words...with a few variations depending on the actual subject...what I hear is what I call the common communication set..."


"Yet all six conversations are significantly different...in terms of their subjects"


"What differentiates them is the inflections and tones..."


"If you shift your attention over to that couple...The words are basic...but the lady's tone is condescending and accusatory..."


I have not heard her say anything nice during the entire conversation...because of her tone...yet if you transcribed it and read it...you would say...it isn't a bad conversation..."


"Watch...it will only be a matter of time and the guy in this conversation will walk away...in fact...he already has...figuratively speaking...he doesn't need to take that...and for whatever reason it may be...the lady is clueless to the fact that she is hurting him..."


"Now look over at that group of four...and listen to them..."


"Their words are nearly the same...in fact the conversations are similar...yet the tones are uplifting...compliments preceed any statement that has the slightest hint of hurt...and if any hurt is sensed...an apology quickly follows...


"Now shift your attention to that couple over there...they are barely talking...yet the messages are VERY clear!"


"This is the what I call the messages conveyed by white-space"


"What is important is the meaning...this is conveyed though many sources..."


"I used to say...if you get the message (the words) you can refuse it...if you get the meaning...you'll never lose it..."


"Whales can communicate with each other over great distances...not because they have great messages...but because they know how to listen and what to listen for!"


"We need to take a lesson from them..."


"I once heard it said that a negative comment is three times more destructive than a positive statement is uplifting"


"That means that a good leader (or a good person have you) should say three positive things for every negative comment that they make."


"I believe that a great leader finds and communicates ten positive things for every negative thing that they say...messages must be controlled and tongue bridled...or they will ultimately be destructive..."


"AND like the whales...messages can be conveyed across great distances to those who know how to listen...find an audience who knows how to listen...do not broadcast...talk and only when you have to talk...spend most of your time listening!"


"Why are we doing this?" I asked, "Is there a lesson that I need to learn?"

This conversation seemed to shake my very foundations...

"Have I fallen short of your expectations?"


"You are reading too much into our talk," he smiled, "You are being a good whale!"


"In actuality...we all need constant reminders of what is really important..." 


"I learn as much by observing people doing things wrong as I do those who are doing right...it is all about the lessons learned and from where they come..."


"There are lessons to be learned everywhere...we miss most of the opportunities..." 


"Sit back enjoy the show...and learn something..."