One thing about my relationship with my mentor was that it was in no way superficial...
Although I was the one with psychological training...almost every time we were together...it felt like a psych-session...he being the analyst...and me in the chair!
Although this was the case, in a majority of the times that we spent together...the cool thing was sometimes the tides turned and I was the analyst...and he was the patient...but no matter what role we played...I walked away a better person for having been with him...
How many people can you say that of?
We always dug deep into meanings and touched on things that many times were our greatest fears!
Today it was to be no different...even though I didn't know it...
We stopped at his favorite place...after a hard day of work...having agreed that we both deserved it...
He liked this place because the it was a bar...and a living room...and a restaurant...
It had couches and easy chairs...in private corners...and tables and great service and interesting people...
He had his favorite place and "the establishment's regulars" respected his territory...to the extent that they would move for him or if it were a crowded night...invite him to join them...
I often thought that the courtesy that was afforded him, was because no matter who was there...he joined them and talked deep talk and treated them special...he was an icon...he never drove them away...sometimes they left...his immediate presence...
...But they actually never traveled beyond "earshot"...and often listened to him...without having their own position challenged...
...if I got up and went to the restroom...the conversations in the other huddles were often on the same theme as what he was talking about...
Coincidence? I think not!
This stop...we found our area was open and sat in our regular places...and without saying a word...got our drinks...
He was seldom charged for them...which was a great benefit!
He spent enough money there and tipped well enough that he would have been better off if they charged him...
We just sipped our drinks and sat quiet...until he broke the "silence."
"I abhor bullies," he said out of the blue...
"I have been working with a bully at work...today I saw that everyone was afraid...that just sucks...so...I have a question for you..."
"I was wondering...How do you handle bullies?"
"That is an interesting question," I replied..."I have been handling bullies the same way...since I was 7 years old...thanks to advice given to me by my dad!"
"There was this kid...I can not even remember his name...who was about 3 years older than me...and he picked on the little kids at school..."
"For a long time...he picked on everyone else...and didn't notice me...which, I admit was a relief to me..."
"...then one day he began making my life hell...and I rued going to school..."
"I told my dad about him and dad puffed on his cigarette and told me that most bullies have no more power than that smoke...in fact like that smoke...they have nothing solid...and they just stink..."
"...and if you stand up to them (and he waved his hand through the smoke) they'll run like the little sissies that they pick on...just be ready to do what you have to do when you make your stand...that will be what differentiates you from the bullies...as long as you do not do what you do for self-serving reasons..."
"I heard the first part and didn't understand what he meant in the second...at least for the time being..."
"Let me remind you...that was a different day and age...I have to say...I was excited to go back to school and stand up to him!"
"AND like clock-work...he found me at noon recess...my routine...45 minutes of hell!"
"Just like he did every day, for the prior 2 months...he walked up to me, but this time I stood my ground...that shocked him and that simple difference changed his demeanor...to be honest with you...I could see a bit of fear in his eyes...and that gave me the spark of confidence that I needed..."
"He threatened me...and tried to pick on me...and he hit me a couple of times...really hard...and I didn't back down...I could see his fear turn into terror...and he started to back down..."
"I stood my ground...and made my move..."
"A crowd of kids gathered..."
"At first he tried to run...but he saw his classmates, tried to recoup his title of class bully and turned...then he walked directly up to me and threatened to punch me..."
"I didn't let him say another thing and told him enough was enough...and showed him immediately what I meant by "enough was enough"...I didn't stop until he fully understood what "enough is enough" really meant and was crying and totally humiliated..."
"As he laid there in a whimpering heap...I took his shoes and made him beg for them back...just like he did to many of the kids he picked on...he sobbed like a little baby and the kids in the schoolyard laughed and taunted him...even his "friends!"
"I remembered that it looked like a bunch of jackals attacking one of their own!"
"What I didn't realize what that event meant to him and to me..."
"It ruined his reputation as a bully and he never recovered..."
"He became a "whimpy little lamb" from that day forward...his position among his "friends" went from the top to the bottom..."
"I became a second grade "super hero!""
"It would have been good if I let it go from there...but I over the course of the next few months...I pushed him for my amusement and that of my friends! Until I learned that I too had become a bully...let's save that discussion is for another day..."
"And my dad was right...99% of the world's bullies are nothing but smoke! Stand up to them and they back down..."
"And my dad was right...there is that 1% who...when you make the stand...you have to be ready to make good on your promises!"
"While playing the role of school "super-hero" I challenged the 99% and I met the 1% too!"
"While in that role...I learned to choose my battles wisely! I always asked myself...is it worth it...?"
"The important lessons that I learned is that a person needs to be ready to stand up...if you're a bully...then you have to make good on your threats...if you are a super hero...you have to be ready to stand on your promises!"
"I would be a lot better looking if I had learned that lesson quicker...I laughed!"
"You know...perhaps I never left the role of super-hero...I still am an advocate...I too can not stand for bullies..."
"So...you stand up to bullies when the value of the stand exceeds the value related to walking away...that is a hard decision...but I can understand it..." he reflected...
"It also made me keenly aware of the words I use..." I added...
"Most words...from most people...have become hollow and meaningless...people who are true to their words are rare..."
"An interesting observation is that a person's integrity is inversely related to the count of their excuses"
"When people learn that you do what you say...the frequency of stands against bullies become few and far between..."
That is when "your reputation preceeds you" becomes important...
"That is what character and integrity is all about..."
"It is when you make a promise and ensure that the promise is fulfilled..."
"It is declaring a resolution and sticking with it..."
"It is recognizing that a broken promise or broken resolution is nothing more than a lie with and excuse attached to it!"
"The ability to take a stand can not be misused...it should only used when it is of value to others...never for personal benefit..."
"Because if you use it for personal gain...you become a bully..."
I thought that this would be the beginning of a great conversation, but it lead nowhere...
He smiled...and nodded and began sipping his drink again!
Halfway through the "third round" he talked again!
"Look around..."
"Everyone in this place...in one way or another is preparing for the New Year..."
"You know what they do not realize?"
"The New Year is a bully!"
"I didn't realize this about the New Year, until you started telling your story..."
"When I think about it...the New Year makes people say things that they know they'll never follow through on..."
"The New Year makes people do things they do not want to do...and act in ways they do not want to act..."
"The New Year pushes people around...like a bully..."
"It disguises its bullying...as a challenge..."
"The New Year challenge..."
"It almost feels like we have a decision to make..."
"Are we going to let the New Year challenge us?"
"Are we going to let the New Year Bully us?"
"Is the New Year going to be a challenge...like a bully?...or..."
"Are we going to take a stand against the New Year and challenge the New Year?"
"...like standing up to a bully..."
"Now comes our next challenging thought..."
"Is the New Year part of the 99% or the 1%?"
"Will it back down...when we stand up to it?"
"Do you want to know what I think?"
I tried to talk but he never took a breath...
"In my experience the New Year will turn and run...in fact it will give you everything you ask of it...as long as you do not push it around for your own benefit..."
I was way too awed to add anything...
He made perfect sense...his parallel was astute...
"The New Year is a bully..."
"Every year...people are challenged by what the new year threatens..."
"This year...I will challenge the year rather than be challenged by it!"
With that...he jumped totally out of character and in fact...he jumped up on an end table and the crowd noticed and totally hushed...
He said, "I have an annoucement to make...the New Year is a bully..."
"Are you going to let it push you around and be challenged by it or..."
"Are you going to stand up to it and challenge it?"
"When you make this year's resolutions...think about that!"
The crowd applauded him...for his stand...
I have never forgotten that day!
AND...still make my commitments (promises) to stand up to the challenge...
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Saying Good Bye...Another Pre-Christmas Story...
...Twas the day before...the Night Before Christmas...
...the office was decked out like a gaudy department store, and filled with buzzing and cheer...
We had planned an 8am party...that would finish up around lunch...we would eat and call it a day...and go to our families...
The party started on schedule...and...
It was about 8:15 am and he was not here...that was not like him...so I called his house...no answer...
I had driven, past his place on the my way in and his car was in the drive...2 hours ago...
Something was wrong...
He was looking really pale the day before...and even broke character for a minute to tell me that he wasn't feeling well...
...It didn't take much to decide to drive there and check in on him!
When I got there, his car was still there...I parked and ran up to his front door...he didn't answer the knocks and bell...so I unlocked the door with my key and immediately saw him lying on the floor...motionless...
He was lying in the perfect location between me and the phone...so I could check on him as I went to the phone...one less decision to make...
One's mind does really crazy things when in emergency situations...
I checked for a pulse...and he had one...and he was breathing VERY lightly and regularly...
As I quickly ran to his phone I actually thought,"I wonder what 911's number is...
Then one of the longest 8 minutes of my life began...
As I was on the phone...which was limited by a short cord...I ran between him and the phone...and after 2 trips gave up on the operator and just left it off the hook...
He was absolutely limp and cold as ice...
I tried like the dickens to revive him...
I got a afgan and pillow from his chair and made him comfortable...
He gained consciousness for a moment, just before the EMTs arrived smiled and told me that he knew that I would come to his rescue...then he faded away deeper than before...but he kept breathing...
To this day...I still am dumfounded at something...the door was open...yet...the paramedics actually rang the doorbell and waited for me...
They came in and totally ignored my update on his vitals and checked for themselves...All I could do was sit back and watch as they took his BP and other vitals...they started an IV...and gave him oxygen...
I think that they thought he had a heart attack...and to be truthful...so did I...
Shortly after their arrival...a police officer stopped in and actually took a statement from me...
and took my information...
He made me feel uncomfortable...with questions like...
Why would you even notice that he wasn't at work?
Why would you come to check on him?
Why do you have a key to his house?
What is your realtionship to this guy?
Why did you check on him before you called 911?
And the one that nearly killed me...Do you know his next of kin?
I felt like I was some prime suspect...
I kept asking if I could get to the hospital...?
Just a few more questions...and I'll run you over there...
I was not about to get in his car...and told him that...unless he hung around the hospital and promised to take me home...when I knew everything was OK...
Finally he asked me if I was OK enough to drive over there...and I assured him that I was...and I left...after locking up his place...
I walked into the Emergency Room and it was absolutely empty...except for a receptionist...who told me to take a seat...which I did for 15 seconds...then I paced...then I went to see if they had an update...the receptionist said that most of the staff had called in sick...and there was only two physicians in....and they were both with major emergencies and that the ambulance did bring some old guy who was dying in so they stabilized him and put him on the life flight that just happened to be leaving for the regional hospital...
Do you know who it was?
She didn't...She thought they simply "tagged him" He was going "in and out" and was speaking a foreign language and they didn't have time to get an interpreter...but it seemed like he was in major pain...and he had a fever...
After a bit of begging she let me walk down the hall and check out one of the two patients that were being worked on...that way I knew if he was the one on the helicopter...one was a woman who cut her hand in a major way...so I excluded her...
When I peeked in the curtained area where a man was being treated...I immedaitely saw that it wasn't him...apologized and went back to the admitting area...and confirmed the regional hospital's location...and she offered to call the hospital and confirm his arrival...
She told me that he was there...and more than a two hour drive away...
I went back to his house and got his wallet and confirmed that his ID and medical card was in it...
It felt weird going through his wallet...I saw that I was listed as his emergency contact...
I grabbed a robe and pajamas, a book and his traveling toiletries...
I called work and gave them an update and told them I was going to go and find him and kick him in the behind, for ruining my day...they told me to give him an extra one for them...and that I should call if he needs anything...
I arrived and went straight to the receptionist...
Unlike the local hospital...this one was buzzing!
After waiting way too much time, I left...walked around the hospital and went to the front desk...
They told me that there was a John Doe brought in from our local hospital about 3 hours earlier...and that he was in ICU.
I asked if I could go there and she gave me directions...
On the way I stopped at admitting...thinking I would make it easier...I got stuck with his paperwork...but being a friend I did my best to complete it...the admitting people were happy to see that he had insurance...and I showed them the emergeny contact card...with my name on it...
It had been nearly 4 hours since I last saw him...and I finally found the ICU.
I found a nurse and asked about the John Doe that they were treating...and she told me that he had died and they moved him...
I was crushed...then she said that he was in a really bad way after that car accident...and they needed someone to identify the body...
I think that she was shocked by my huge smile...
I then asked if they could possibly have two John Does...and she looked at some sheet of paper and sure enough there was another John Doe...
She took me to him and he was hooked up to more machines than I ever saw an individual hooked up to!
He was motionless...expressionless and his eyes were half open. I said something to him and expected him to react...
He didn't...
I went into the common area and asked for a status update and they asked me if I were a next of kin...I showed them the emergency contact card and some ID.
I explained who I was and they reluctantly told me that they do not yet know what is wrong...the good news was that he was stable...just heavily sedated...they would call it a guarded condition...
I went back to his room...got a chair and and set up camp next to his bed...
There was no TV to kill the time...the book was in a language that I couldn't read...so I just sat there and...thought about all of the discussions that we still needed to have...and all of the questions that I have yet to ask...and how important he was to me...and how sorry that I was that I hadn't said all of the things that I wanted to say...
So I took the next 4 hours and did that...in fact I talked for him too...
I talked non stop... and in a macabe way...it was kind of nice to have him quiet...
As a form of emotional release I would ask him a question and then have him say that he didn't know...or never thought of that...or that I was the most brilliant person he ever met...or that he wished that he was as smart as me...then I would laugh...but even humor didn't help...reality would hit me over and over again...
I also told him how important he was to me...and many other things...
I got it all out...that was good...
then he rolled over and said, "That was really special!"
I nearly jumped out of my shirt!
How long have you been awake?
"About 3 1/2 hours...I seldom get a chance to just lay and listen to you ramble! Some of the things you said were really funny...I almost laughed a couple of times!"
I nearly killed him!
"By the way...I feel the same way..." he winked...
Then from a prone position...he took on his mentoring personna...
I have a bit of personal advice for you...that I have been meaning to share with you and never got a chance...I too have been waiting for the right time...
Never wait...to say what you mean to say or that way you feel...chances are that if you do...you will miss your opportunity...
...The "Mrs" departure taught me that lesson...
AND another one...
NEVER TELL ME GOOD BYE AGAIN!
That was a hardest kick in the butt I ever got!
I was happy that he was back...and glad about his second piece of advice...It confirmed that I had fulfilled my short-term mission and my commitment to the company...
By the way...it was a kidney stone and temporary renal failure...and internal bleeding...and peritonitis...
Nothing that a little time and micro-surgery and a lot of antibiotics couldn't cure...
I held my Christmas celebration until New Year's eve...when we shared our gifts...and a touch of his rum together at my place...
...in almost pefect silence...
...because...
...Enough was said...for the time being...
...the office was decked out like a gaudy department store, and filled with buzzing and cheer...
We had planned an 8am party...that would finish up around lunch...we would eat and call it a day...and go to our families...
The party started on schedule...and...
It was about 8:15 am and he was not here...that was not like him...so I called his house...no answer...
I had driven, past his place on the my way in and his car was in the drive...2 hours ago...
Something was wrong...
He was looking really pale the day before...and even broke character for a minute to tell me that he wasn't feeling well...
...It didn't take much to decide to drive there and check in on him!
When I got there, his car was still there...I parked and ran up to his front door...he didn't answer the knocks and bell...so I unlocked the door with my key and immediately saw him lying on the floor...motionless...
He was lying in the perfect location between me and the phone...so I could check on him as I went to the phone...one less decision to make...
One's mind does really crazy things when in emergency situations...
I checked for a pulse...and he had one...and he was breathing VERY lightly and regularly...
As I quickly ran to his phone I actually thought,"I wonder what 911's number is...
Then one of the longest 8 minutes of my life began...
As I was on the phone...which was limited by a short cord...I ran between him and the phone...and after 2 trips gave up on the operator and just left it off the hook...
He was absolutely limp and cold as ice...
I tried like the dickens to revive him...
I got a afgan and pillow from his chair and made him comfortable...
He gained consciousness for a moment, just before the EMTs arrived smiled and told me that he knew that I would come to his rescue...then he faded away deeper than before...but he kept breathing...
To this day...I still am dumfounded at something...the door was open...yet...the paramedics actually rang the doorbell and waited for me...
They came in and totally ignored my update on his vitals and checked for themselves...All I could do was sit back and watch as they took his BP and other vitals...they started an IV...and gave him oxygen...
I think that they thought he had a heart attack...and to be truthful...so did I...
Shortly after their arrival...a police officer stopped in and actually took a statement from me...
and took my information...
He made me feel uncomfortable...with questions like...
Why would you even notice that he wasn't at work?
Why would you come to check on him?
Why do you have a key to his house?
What is your realtionship to this guy?
Why did you check on him before you called 911?
And the one that nearly killed me...Do you know his next of kin?
I felt like I was some prime suspect...
I kept asking if I could get to the hospital...?
Just a few more questions...and I'll run you over there...
I was not about to get in his car...and told him that...unless he hung around the hospital and promised to take me home...when I knew everything was OK...
Finally he asked me if I was OK enough to drive over there...and I assured him that I was...and I left...after locking up his place...
I walked into the Emergency Room and it was absolutely empty...except for a receptionist...who told me to take a seat...which I did for 15 seconds...then I paced...then I went to see if they had an update...the receptionist said that most of the staff had called in sick...and there was only two physicians in....and they were both with major emergencies and that the ambulance did bring some old guy who was dying in so they stabilized him and put him on the life flight that just happened to be leaving for the regional hospital...
Do you know who it was?
She didn't...She thought they simply "tagged him" He was going "in and out" and was speaking a foreign language and they didn't have time to get an interpreter...but it seemed like he was in major pain...and he had a fever...
After a bit of begging she let me walk down the hall and check out one of the two patients that were being worked on...that way I knew if he was the one on the helicopter...one was a woman who cut her hand in a major way...so I excluded her...
When I peeked in the curtained area where a man was being treated...I immedaitely saw that it wasn't him...apologized and went back to the admitting area...and confirmed the regional hospital's location...and she offered to call the hospital and confirm his arrival...
She told me that he was there...and more than a two hour drive away...
I went back to his house and got his wallet and confirmed that his ID and medical card was in it...
It felt weird going through his wallet...I saw that I was listed as his emergency contact...
I grabbed a robe and pajamas, a book and his traveling toiletries...
I called work and gave them an update and told them I was going to go and find him and kick him in the behind, for ruining my day...they told me to give him an extra one for them...and that I should call if he needs anything...
I arrived and went straight to the receptionist...
Unlike the local hospital...this one was buzzing!
After waiting way too much time, I left...walked around the hospital and went to the front desk...
They told me that there was a John Doe brought in from our local hospital about 3 hours earlier...and that he was in ICU.
I asked if I could go there and she gave me directions...
On the way I stopped at admitting...thinking I would make it easier...I got stuck with his paperwork...but being a friend I did my best to complete it...the admitting people were happy to see that he had insurance...and I showed them the emergeny contact card...with my name on it...
It had been nearly 4 hours since I last saw him...and I finally found the ICU.
I found a nurse and asked about the John Doe that they were treating...and she told me that he had died and they moved him...
I was crushed...then she said that he was in a really bad way after that car accident...and they needed someone to identify the body...
I think that she was shocked by my huge smile...
I then asked if they could possibly have two John Does...and she looked at some sheet of paper and sure enough there was another John Doe...
She took me to him and he was hooked up to more machines than I ever saw an individual hooked up to!
He was motionless...expressionless and his eyes were half open. I said something to him and expected him to react...
He didn't...
I went into the common area and asked for a status update and they asked me if I were a next of kin...I showed them the emergency contact card and some ID.
I explained who I was and they reluctantly told me that they do not yet know what is wrong...the good news was that he was stable...just heavily sedated...they would call it a guarded condition...
I went back to his room...got a chair and and set up camp next to his bed...
There was no TV to kill the time...the book was in a language that I couldn't read...so I just sat there and...thought about all of the discussions that we still needed to have...and all of the questions that I have yet to ask...and how important he was to me...and how sorry that I was that I hadn't said all of the things that I wanted to say...
So I took the next 4 hours and did that...in fact I talked for him too...
I talked non stop... and in a macabe way...it was kind of nice to have him quiet...
As a form of emotional release I would ask him a question and then have him say that he didn't know...or never thought of that...or that I was the most brilliant person he ever met...or that he wished that he was as smart as me...then I would laugh...but even humor didn't help...reality would hit me over and over again...
I also told him how important he was to me...and many other things...
I got it all out...that was good...
then he rolled over and said, "That was really special!"
I nearly jumped out of my shirt!
How long have you been awake?
"About 3 1/2 hours...I seldom get a chance to just lay and listen to you ramble! Some of the things you said were really funny...I almost laughed a couple of times!"
I nearly killed him!
"By the way...I feel the same way..." he winked...
Then from a prone position...he took on his mentoring personna...
I have a bit of personal advice for you...that I have been meaning to share with you and never got a chance...I too have been waiting for the right time...
Never wait...to say what you mean to say or that way you feel...chances are that if you do...you will miss your opportunity...
...The "Mrs" departure taught me that lesson...
AND another one...
NEVER TELL ME GOOD BYE AGAIN!
That was a hardest kick in the butt I ever got!
I was happy that he was back...and glad about his second piece of advice...It confirmed that I had fulfilled my short-term mission and my commitment to the company...
By the way...it was a kidney stone and temporary renal failure...and internal bleeding...and peritonitis...
Nothing that a little time and micro-surgery and a lot of antibiotics couldn't cure...
I held my Christmas celebration until New Year's eve...when we shared our gifts...and a touch of his rum together at my place...
...in almost pefect silence...
...because...
...Enough was said...for the time being...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Best People...
I returned to the office after a two week hiatus. I expected to find a ton of issues waiting for my intervention, unsigned invoices, and my team and customers milling around my locked office door anxiously awaiting my arrival.
Instead, there was noone!
When I opened the door and turned on the light...my desk was barron...
I checked my email, and there was nothing of importance to be had...
No major voice mail...except one...a familar voice...and it said..."We hope you had a great vacation...we did our best to make sure that everything was covered..."
In a way...I felt dumbfounded...in a bigger way...thankful...
So I wrote a thank-you note, to the team for their making my return the most joyous event of my vacation...
and hit send...
Within 5 minutes...the inflow of "Re:Thank You" responses began...
They were not what I expected...
It was as if the team had collaborated, wrote one note and shared it...but I knew better...
"...I appreciate the thank you...We have an issue that YOU need to address quickly...It is with our fellow team members. Many of them took your vacation time to do nothing! Some seldom came in to the office. They would not pick up their share of your workload putting an undue burden on the rest of the team. It feels like they are behind schedule, making our work fall behind too...and on and on..."
I was shocked...these were my most trusted partners...
No names were specifically noted in the responses...Yet I had an idea who...Even as I thought of them, I concluded that even they would have be the last two individuals that I would have expected to act that way...
"Welcome back!" came another familar voice from just out of sight...
"I got your note...It was a fitting touch to the team...and well deserved, if I say so myself..."
"Rather than writing a note to you...I thought that I would walk down and discuss this in person...you have a major issue brewing..."
"I know," I replied, "It is with..."
"No it is not!" he jumped in...
I was totally confused and sat back and realized that I had jumped to a conclusion without gathering data....
Fill me in...please!
It is not my place to give you my description of what went on...it would be biased and it may lead you to a decision that it not yours, but mine...Go and do some data mining...but be careful...this is a REAL sensitive one...
It is the first time in my life that I heard him say "but..." twice in such a short period of time...in fact he avoided using that word...with about as much passion as one would avoid eating poison or pounding their thumb repeatedly with a hammer!
Since it appeared that I had nothing else to do...I began my old routine of "managing by walking around..."
My first stop was at the "project professionals" and it felt like I was a long lost family member returing after years of absence! There was a flood of updates...that I carefully noted and complimented...My listening skills were pushed to the limits...and the only tidbit of information that even vaguely resembled what I was looking for was...boy I am so glad that you are back...the team just doesn't function right when you aren't here...because you do not put up with it...
As I walked away I wondered what "it" was...
The next few stops, among them, gave me exactly the same information...and even when I directly asked...these team members had been "way too busy to notice" anything...just that "it" wasn't the same or that "it" changed or that I am glad that your back..."it" doesn't happen when you are around...
From my perspective..."it" was starting to make me angry...whatever "it" was...and it seemed like everyone that I talked to was avoiding "it" and any mention of the subject!
"How's "it" going?" I heard him say...
""It" is a pretty elusive creature," I laughed...
""It" is," he said...
"No one is going to talk about "it!" Not that "it" is illegal or immoral or unethical..."
"In fact, "it" is the reason they work with you and "it" is the most important thing to them...they do not want to hurt "it!"
As we walked, he bagan to lag behind...I was on a mission and he was talking...my "mission pace" and his "talking pace" did not match...
"It" in another sense is just a monster that most people are afraid to face!
I have seem "it" at almost every...now that I think about "it"...I have seen "it" in every company that I worked for!
OK...ENOUGH OF THIS "IT" STUFF! Tell me what "it" is!
I turned to face him so that I could face the truth of "it"...and he was no where to be seen!
"That darn Greek is taking Ninja lessons..." I thought...and snickered...
and I went to the other end of the facility, to meet with the second-third of my group...
The analytical group cloistered in this area away from the others, by their request. Like personalities migrated to his pod of offices. They were "heads-down" workers. They were like machines. Their emotions were about the same as a machine. I expected the welcome to be about as emotional as the greeting that I got from my electric pencil sharpener. Boy was I wrong!
I was greeted with hugs and hand-shakes! They dropped everything and pulled their chairs together in an impromptu circle and we talked as a group. Like proud kids...they showed me what they accomplished and I had to admit that it was way beyond expectations...I told them that and they diverted their success to every other member of the group...there was no mention of any problems or issues and actually shook their heads in disbelief when I asked if the team had any issues while I was gone...
It was close to lunch time so we made our way to the cafeteria and took our regular positions at a large table that we routinely sat around. The entire group congregated, but this is not unusual. It is one of the few times that we were together as a single unit and we cherished that time...we coordinated and shared...and helped with eachother's challenges.
I figured that this would be a great time just to observe the dynamics of the group and maybe "it" would become apparent. There was one part of the team that I hadn't talked with...and this would be a nice way to see if they were the ones who made "it" an issue.
They were no different...they laughed and joked and presented challenges and shared observations and asked eachother for help...not a single thing stuck out..."it" did not rear its ugly head!
I intentionally allowed the lunch to run longer...they always took my queue, to stop, clean up and go to back to work...I was hoping that keeping them together would drive "it" from hiding...but no luck..."it" stayed hidden! The team only talked more laughed more and shared more...
I gave up...and stood up and jokingly told them that I had to get back to work and clean up the messes that they left and tie up the loose ends that remained...no one laughed. They got up...as they always do...bid eachother a great day...and off they went!
I stood thinking for a few moments...absolutely dumbfounded...I was certain that "it" would be there...and then he came from the register area...carrying his salad...and an iced tea...
"Just leaving or are just arriving?" I knew he knew better...and answered that I would sit with him while he ate...He sat and dug in...
"Did you find the problem yet?" he inquired...between bites...
"Not at all...it as if all of you are playing some vicious game with me..."
"Just keep looking...you'll get to it...I really do not think I know what it is either...when you figure it out...please tell me...because I have a feeling that we are going to address this issue many times in our careers...it may be one of the holy grails of management..."
"You know what I found interesting? While you were out...I made it a point to join your group, every day, for lunch...they are exciting to be around...when you are here they all show up...when you are gone...only about half of them came to lunch, on any given day...the others worked...what I thought was strang was that they left your chair empty...some of them even pulled a chair from another table so not to sit in your place...that was weird!"
"They are a strange lot," I laughed "there was a mention that some of the team hardly worked...so I checked their timesheets and I see nothing less than 10 hours per day noted and many of them worked the weekends too...that sucks...some of these people lied..."
"No they didn't" he defended..."If they lied it was that they put less hours than actual down...a gift to you..."
Now I was totally confused...and wanted to think through this puzzle...
I had one more group to visit. They were the "extroverts." First, I could count on them to not be in their offices. Second, I could count on them to tell me everything. Third I always could count on them for an after work party!
Their offices were fittingly located in the middle of the complex. That was where they wanted and needed to be. They were always in the middle of everything. They were trainers and coaches and high energy people...
I arrived and as expected, found a ghost town. I wandered aimlessly in their area for a few minutes and found one...then two and finally the entire team...as they noticed me...they dropped what they were doing...and came to join me...
We talked and I asked their advice...and their help with this issue...and they looked at me as if I were talking another language! A good thing came out of this impromptu get together...a welcome back party was for that evening was arranged and even as we spoke...emails were distributed! All I could do was smile...They absolutely fit the mold...and NEVER let me down!
My other stops gave me a chance to get updates from the individual contributors...and there was no more information gained than at any of the other stops...
I walked back to my office...thinking that I should admit defeat and ask him again to at least give me a hint...
Then, as I walked, I realized that I had been given all of the information that I needed, in the very fact of the absence of information is information too...Now I just had to figure out what that meant...
When I arrived he in my office...he was sitting at my table...working on his stuff...he looked up and smiled...
"I am hiding...and knew that they wouldn't be looking for me here..."
"How can that be? We trade the role of being each other's stalker! They know that...This is the first place they'd look!" I laughed...
Did you get it all fixed?
Nope...but I do know that the fact that I have absolutely no information...I am on the right track!
That is very good! Many people admit defeat based on the fact that they want information...and do not get what they expect...they never to realize that the lack of information is itself great data..."
"WOW! I wished I had thought of that," I said with a smile...it felt nice to be a few steps ahead of him...
"So...if you know nothing...what is that telling you?"
Let me tell you what I know is telling me...before I get into what I do not know is telling me!
I know that the team achieved more in the past two weeks than was expected...and that they are proud of that!
"That is absolutely right...you have given the a clear short-term and long term vision...but your vision is MUCH larger than what the team knows and they know that...you only disclose what they can handle at any given time! They appreciate that because it does not confuse them...You are really good at that! From my perspective...you are one of the best!"
"I know for a fact that the group worked day and night to achieve the short-term visions and goals without me..."
"You are again dead-on...you clearly lay out expectations and leave it them to achieve them...but they know that you will not let them fail if they get into trouble...and they also know that your help comes without a need for an admission of weakness...there are few places where it is this safe to fail and those failures are temporary...and actually learning experiences"
"I know that my team communicates clearly and accurately...what they told me today was exactly the way it was...they are not hiding anything..."
"You are the best I have ever seen at open and fierce conversations...Plato and Socrates would be proud of you...you are so transparent...your team returns that favor by being absolutely transparent with you!"
"Do you know what I think is the coolest thing that I realized today? My team never has to be reminded what they need to be doing? That diverse group of personalities does stuff each in their own way...with their own sense of urgency...and it ultimately ties to my sense of urgency...I am nothing more than an urgency controller..."
"I do not know if that is your sense of urgency or your energy! I think that you have found a way to make the difficult and challenging...perhaps the impossible...fun! I love that line you use...certainty of death...little chance of success...let's get going! They are not afraid to challenge the most difficult things because of that..."
"I also know that the team knows exactly what to do and how to do it...I noticed that as each one told me about their last two weeks they focused on the fact that they stuck absolutely to their portion of the methodology and the contribution to the overall strategy!"
"You know...for a chance agent...you have the most rigorous systems in place that I have ever seen!"
"I also stopped by each person that each one of the the team was working with...and all I got was fantastic feedback...If there was one place that I thought I would hear about issues...it would be from their customers...and the exact opposite was the case...in fact many of them told me to stay away...they got more work out of them!"
"If there is one thing that you are known for is customer focus...and the team knows that...they are diligent in meeting and exceeding expectations...and you heard that!"
"I wish that you would stop with all of these compliments! They are puffing my head up and I will stop thinking...you know as well as I there is a problem here that I have to solve...and by your admission...you do not really know what it is...and you are here to share in my discovery...!"
"You know me well enough to know that I do not pass on hollow or undeserved compliments...your persistence has earned them...so where is your grey matter going on this...?"
"I have searched far and wide to bring this group together...they may seem like a motley crew, but they are the best and the brightest in their areas of expertise...it is delightful to see how different they are and how different each one of them has to be managed..."
"I do not think that even they realize that..."
"I spend most of my time treating each one of the group as an individual..."
"There is no "one-size fits all" management style"
"The greatest injustice that could be done, to any team member, is to expect my self-motivators to follow...or the "good soldiers" to lead...or the introverts to teach...or the extroverts to stay quiet..."
"You know...most of the time...performance issues are not those of the individual...they are the result of bad and narrow management, of those individuals...When I think about it...the wrong person is getting fired!
I hate that...so and so is not an extrovert...or self motivator...so we have to get rid of him/her...That actually is an admission of incompetent management! This team is a team of the BEST people because I help them be the best!" If you can not do that...you have no place in management...
"That is interesting...you know that at lunch...the ones on the team that showed up...like they normally do...talked about how different it would be if you didn't come back...some of them were afraid that you were out interviewing...others that they had let you down...others just sat quiet...but that discussion was a bit creepy!"
"I have given them everything they need to be successful...they do not have to worry about that...look at what they accomplished while I was gone! It was more than they do when I was here! They worked day and night...only a handful of them do that routinely..." If they follw the path I set out for them they will be successful...if they divert...they'll fail...all the right things are there...if they choose otherwise...they are choosing wrong...how simple is that?"
"That's right!"
"So what do I need to teach them...They trust me...they talk with me...they know what I want...they know when I need it...I strive to be appreciative...I listen...They know exaclty how do do it...they focus on the customer..."
"They are some of the highest paid people in the company...they deserve it and earn it...I believe it and put our money where our mouth is...
When I think about it...if they consolidated their resources...they could buy Mount Everest...let alone every one of them could climb it as individuals...each one of them are great...and they know it!"
"I was thinking about what you said...that every company that you worked for, has this problem..."
"I think that "it" is with the management...they do not realize what they are working with...they do not deserve to be in the positions that they have...they expect everyone to be a certain way or they are losers...everyone has to be self-motivated or analytical or precise or...whatever...you know...that is really bad...
"...That is a door slammed shut on their passions...I wish that I could make that behavior a felony and put those poor managers in prison...and then they would get what they deserve for being the way they were..."
"I am so glad that I take the time to teach these people to be great leaders as part of my mission..."
"But have you taught them to be great managers?" And with that he stood up and left...
That is when the light went on...
There is a difference between management and leadership...Everyone on the team was a great leader...they had learned those lessons well...
They had the freedom to manage themselves as individuals...but did not know how to manage between themselves...they thought that their way was the best way...the others on the team had to be like them...or they were not doing their job...
My role has always been to ensure that the air traffic was controlled...I complemented publically, not only as a way of recognition but also as a way to communicate status...and assure each member of the team that we were on track...the humble members of the team...would not talk about their status...when I wasn't there...
Each in their own way killed themselves to exceed the known goals...but they were the their goals...not the consolidated goals...
They hadn't learned how to manage between themselves...They could not recognize eachothers' idiosyncracies and needs...if it wasn't like them...there was something wrong...they were fighting the illusions of self worth and value...they created standards of performance based on their own biases!
The "it" problem was with me...
"It" was really not a problem...but a matter of style...I was not a problem...but "it" was that I did not share how to overcome "it"
It was that I needed to let go of management...
So I got up and started managing by walking around AGAIN...this time I took one of the team with me on my rounds...and did so everytime thereafter...
Instead, there was noone!
When I opened the door and turned on the light...my desk was barron...
I checked my email, and there was nothing of importance to be had...
No major voice mail...except one...a familar voice...and it said..."We hope you had a great vacation...we did our best to make sure that everything was covered..."
In a way...I felt dumbfounded...in a bigger way...thankful...
So I wrote a thank-you note, to the team for their making my return the most joyous event of my vacation...
and hit send...
Within 5 minutes...the inflow of "Re:Thank You" responses began...
They were not what I expected...
It was as if the team had collaborated, wrote one note and shared it...but I knew better...
"...I appreciate the thank you...We have an issue that YOU need to address quickly...It is with our fellow team members. Many of them took your vacation time to do nothing! Some seldom came in to the office. They would not pick up their share of your workload putting an undue burden on the rest of the team. It feels like they are behind schedule, making our work fall behind too...and on and on..."
I was shocked...these were my most trusted partners...
No names were specifically noted in the responses...Yet I had an idea who...Even as I thought of them, I concluded that even they would have be the last two individuals that I would have expected to act that way...
"Welcome back!" came another familar voice from just out of sight...
"I got your note...It was a fitting touch to the team...and well deserved, if I say so myself..."
"Rather than writing a note to you...I thought that I would walk down and discuss this in person...you have a major issue brewing..."
"I know," I replied, "It is with..."
"No it is not!" he jumped in...
I was totally confused and sat back and realized that I had jumped to a conclusion without gathering data....
Fill me in...please!
It is not my place to give you my description of what went on...it would be biased and it may lead you to a decision that it not yours, but mine...Go and do some data mining...but be careful...this is a REAL sensitive one...
It is the first time in my life that I heard him say "but..." twice in such a short period of time...in fact he avoided using that word...with about as much passion as one would avoid eating poison or pounding their thumb repeatedly with a hammer!
Since it appeared that I had nothing else to do...I began my old routine of "managing by walking around..."
My first stop was at the "project professionals" and it felt like I was a long lost family member returing after years of absence! There was a flood of updates...that I carefully noted and complimented...My listening skills were pushed to the limits...and the only tidbit of information that even vaguely resembled what I was looking for was...boy I am so glad that you are back...the team just doesn't function right when you aren't here...because you do not put up with it...
As I walked away I wondered what "it" was...
The next few stops, among them, gave me exactly the same information...and even when I directly asked...these team members had been "way too busy to notice" anything...just that "it" wasn't the same or that "it" changed or that I am glad that your back..."it" doesn't happen when you are around...
From my perspective..."it" was starting to make me angry...whatever "it" was...and it seemed like everyone that I talked to was avoiding "it" and any mention of the subject!
"How's "it" going?" I heard him say...
""It" is a pretty elusive creature," I laughed...
""It" is," he said...
"No one is going to talk about "it!" Not that "it" is illegal or immoral or unethical..."
"In fact, "it" is the reason they work with you and "it" is the most important thing to them...they do not want to hurt "it!"
As we walked, he bagan to lag behind...I was on a mission and he was talking...my "mission pace" and his "talking pace" did not match...
"It" in another sense is just a monster that most people are afraid to face!
I have seem "it" at almost every...now that I think about "it"...I have seen "it" in every company that I worked for!
OK...ENOUGH OF THIS "IT" STUFF! Tell me what "it" is!
I turned to face him so that I could face the truth of "it"...and he was no where to be seen!
"That darn Greek is taking Ninja lessons..." I thought...and snickered...
and I went to the other end of the facility, to meet with the second-third of my group...
The analytical group cloistered in this area away from the others, by their request. Like personalities migrated to his pod of offices. They were "heads-down" workers. They were like machines. Their emotions were about the same as a machine. I expected the welcome to be about as emotional as the greeting that I got from my electric pencil sharpener. Boy was I wrong!
I was greeted with hugs and hand-shakes! They dropped everything and pulled their chairs together in an impromptu circle and we talked as a group. Like proud kids...they showed me what they accomplished and I had to admit that it was way beyond expectations...I told them that and they diverted their success to every other member of the group...there was no mention of any problems or issues and actually shook their heads in disbelief when I asked if the team had any issues while I was gone...
It was close to lunch time so we made our way to the cafeteria and took our regular positions at a large table that we routinely sat around. The entire group congregated, but this is not unusual. It is one of the few times that we were together as a single unit and we cherished that time...we coordinated and shared...and helped with eachother's challenges.
I figured that this would be a great time just to observe the dynamics of the group and maybe "it" would become apparent. There was one part of the team that I hadn't talked with...and this would be a nice way to see if they were the ones who made "it" an issue.
They were no different...they laughed and joked and presented challenges and shared observations and asked eachother for help...not a single thing stuck out..."it" did not rear its ugly head!
I intentionally allowed the lunch to run longer...they always took my queue, to stop, clean up and go to back to work...I was hoping that keeping them together would drive "it" from hiding...but no luck..."it" stayed hidden! The team only talked more laughed more and shared more...
I gave up...and stood up and jokingly told them that I had to get back to work and clean up the messes that they left and tie up the loose ends that remained...no one laughed. They got up...as they always do...bid eachother a great day...and off they went!
I stood thinking for a few moments...absolutely dumbfounded...I was certain that "it" would be there...and then he came from the register area...carrying his salad...and an iced tea...
"Just leaving or are just arriving?" I knew he knew better...and answered that I would sit with him while he ate...He sat and dug in...
"Did you find the problem yet?" he inquired...between bites...
"Not at all...it as if all of you are playing some vicious game with me..."
"Just keep looking...you'll get to it...I really do not think I know what it is either...when you figure it out...please tell me...because I have a feeling that we are going to address this issue many times in our careers...it may be one of the holy grails of management..."
"You know what I found interesting? While you were out...I made it a point to join your group, every day, for lunch...they are exciting to be around...when you are here they all show up...when you are gone...only about half of them came to lunch, on any given day...the others worked...what I thought was strang was that they left your chair empty...some of them even pulled a chair from another table so not to sit in your place...that was weird!"
"They are a strange lot," I laughed "there was a mention that some of the team hardly worked...so I checked their timesheets and I see nothing less than 10 hours per day noted and many of them worked the weekends too...that sucks...some of these people lied..."
"No they didn't" he defended..."If they lied it was that they put less hours than actual down...a gift to you..."
Now I was totally confused...and wanted to think through this puzzle...
I had one more group to visit. They were the "extroverts." First, I could count on them to not be in their offices. Second, I could count on them to tell me everything. Third I always could count on them for an after work party!
Their offices were fittingly located in the middle of the complex. That was where they wanted and needed to be. They were always in the middle of everything. They were trainers and coaches and high energy people...
I arrived and as expected, found a ghost town. I wandered aimlessly in their area for a few minutes and found one...then two and finally the entire team...as they noticed me...they dropped what they were doing...and came to join me...
We talked and I asked their advice...and their help with this issue...and they looked at me as if I were talking another language! A good thing came out of this impromptu get together...a welcome back party was for that evening was arranged and even as we spoke...emails were distributed! All I could do was smile...They absolutely fit the mold...and NEVER let me down!
My other stops gave me a chance to get updates from the individual contributors...and there was no more information gained than at any of the other stops...
I walked back to my office...thinking that I should admit defeat and ask him again to at least give me a hint...
Then, as I walked, I realized that I had been given all of the information that I needed, in the very fact of the absence of information is information too...Now I just had to figure out what that meant...
When I arrived he in my office...he was sitting at my table...working on his stuff...he looked up and smiled...
"I am hiding...and knew that they wouldn't be looking for me here..."
"How can that be? We trade the role of being each other's stalker! They know that...This is the first place they'd look!" I laughed...
Did you get it all fixed?
Nope...but I do know that the fact that I have absolutely no information...I am on the right track!
That is very good! Many people admit defeat based on the fact that they want information...and do not get what they expect...they never to realize that the lack of information is itself great data..."
"WOW! I wished I had thought of that," I said with a smile...it felt nice to be a few steps ahead of him...
"So...if you know nothing...what is that telling you?"
Let me tell you what I know is telling me...before I get into what I do not know is telling me!
I know that the team achieved more in the past two weeks than was expected...and that they are proud of that!
"That is absolutely right...you have given the a clear short-term and long term vision...but your vision is MUCH larger than what the team knows and they know that...you only disclose what they can handle at any given time! They appreciate that because it does not confuse them...You are really good at that! From my perspective...you are one of the best!"
"I know for a fact that the group worked day and night to achieve the short-term visions and goals without me..."
"You are again dead-on...you clearly lay out expectations and leave it them to achieve them...but they know that you will not let them fail if they get into trouble...and they also know that your help comes without a need for an admission of weakness...there are few places where it is this safe to fail and those failures are temporary...and actually learning experiences"
"I know that my team communicates clearly and accurately...what they told me today was exactly the way it was...they are not hiding anything..."
"You are the best I have ever seen at open and fierce conversations...Plato and Socrates would be proud of you...you are so transparent...your team returns that favor by being absolutely transparent with you!"
"Do you know what I think is the coolest thing that I realized today? My team never has to be reminded what they need to be doing? That diverse group of personalities does stuff each in their own way...with their own sense of urgency...and it ultimately ties to my sense of urgency...I am nothing more than an urgency controller..."
"I do not know if that is your sense of urgency or your energy! I think that you have found a way to make the difficult and challenging...perhaps the impossible...fun! I love that line you use...certainty of death...little chance of success...let's get going! They are not afraid to challenge the most difficult things because of that..."
"I also know that the team knows exactly what to do and how to do it...I noticed that as each one told me about their last two weeks they focused on the fact that they stuck absolutely to their portion of the methodology and the contribution to the overall strategy!"
"You know...for a chance agent...you have the most rigorous systems in place that I have ever seen!"
"I also stopped by each person that each one of the the team was working with...and all I got was fantastic feedback...If there was one place that I thought I would hear about issues...it would be from their customers...and the exact opposite was the case...in fact many of them told me to stay away...they got more work out of them!"
"If there is one thing that you are known for is customer focus...and the team knows that...they are diligent in meeting and exceeding expectations...and you heard that!"
"I wish that you would stop with all of these compliments! They are puffing my head up and I will stop thinking...you know as well as I there is a problem here that I have to solve...and by your admission...you do not really know what it is...and you are here to share in my discovery...!"
"You know me well enough to know that I do not pass on hollow or undeserved compliments...your persistence has earned them...so where is your grey matter going on this...?"
"I have searched far and wide to bring this group together...they may seem like a motley crew, but they are the best and the brightest in their areas of expertise...it is delightful to see how different they are and how different each one of them has to be managed..."
"I do not think that even they realize that..."
"I spend most of my time treating each one of the group as an individual..."
"There is no "one-size fits all" management style"
"The greatest injustice that could be done, to any team member, is to expect my self-motivators to follow...or the "good soldiers" to lead...or the introverts to teach...or the extroverts to stay quiet..."
"You know...most of the time...performance issues are not those of the individual...they are the result of bad and narrow management, of those individuals...When I think about it...the wrong person is getting fired!
I hate that...so and so is not an extrovert...or self motivator...so we have to get rid of him/her...That actually is an admission of incompetent management! This team is a team of the BEST people because I help them be the best!" If you can not do that...you have no place in management...
"That is interesting...you know that at lunch...the ones on the team that showed up...like they normally do...talked about how different it would be if you didn't come back...some of them were afraid that you were out interviewing...others that they had let you down...others just sat quiet...but that discussion was a bit creepy!"
"I have given them everything they need to be successful...they do not have to worry about that...look at what they accomplished while I was gone! It was more than they do when I was here! They worked day and night...only a handful of them do that routinely..." If they follw the path I set out for them they will be successful...if they divert...they'll fail...all the right things are there...if they choose otherwise...they are choosing wrong...how simple is that?"
"That's right!"
"So what do I need to teach them...They trust me...they talk with me...they know what I want...they know when I need it...I strive to be appreciative...I listen...They know exaclty how do do it...they focus on the customer..."
"They are some of the highest paid people in the company...they deserve it and earn it...I believe it and put our money where our mouth is...
When I think about it...if they consolidated their resources...they could buy Mount Everest...let alone every one of them could climb it as individuals...each one of them are great...and they know it!"
"I was thinking about what you said...that every company that you worked for, has this problem..."
"I think that "it" is with the management...they do not realize what they are working with...they do not deserve to be in the positions that they have...they expect everyone to be a certain way or they are losers...everyone has to be self-motivated or analytical or precise or...whatever...you know...that is really bad...
"...That is a door slammed shut on their passions...I wish that I could make that behavior a felony and put those poor managers in prison...and then they would get what they deserve for being the way they were..."
"I am so glad that I take the time to teach these people to be great leaders as part of my mission..."
"But have you taught them to be great managers?" And with that he stood up and left...
That is when the light went on...
There is a difference between management and leadership...Everyone on the team was a great leader...they had learned those lessons well...
They had the freedom to manage themselves as individuals...but did not know how to manage between themselves...they thought that their way was the best way...the others on the team had to be like them...or they were not doing their job...
My role has always been to ensure that the air traffic was controlled...I complemented publically, not only as a way of recognition but also as a way to communicate status...and assure each member of the team that we were on track...the humble members of the team...would not talk about their status...when I wasn't there...
Each in their own way killed themselves to exceed the known goals...but they were the their goals...not the consolidated goals...
They hadn't learned how to manage between themselves...They could not recognize eachothers' idiosyncracies and needs...if it wasn't like them...there was something wrong...they were fighting the illusions of self worth and value...they created standards of performance based on their own biases!
The "it" problem was with me...
"It" was really not a problem...but a matter of style...I was not a problem...but "it" was that I did not share how to overcome "it"
It was that I needed to let go of management...
So I got up and started managing by walking around AGAIN...this time I took one of the team with me on my rounds...and did so everytime thereafter...
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Lasting Beauty Depends on...A Pre-Christmas Story...
It was the weekend after Thanksgiving and as was tradition in my household...I was out in the crisp fall air...
...climbing around the outside of the house and...
....swearing and...
...untangling hastily and poorly stored strings of light and...
...building a manger scene and...
...hanging wreaths and...
...falling off shaky ladders and...
...(Did I mention swearing?) and...
...sipping hot-buttered rum and...
...setting up other "should have been donated years ago" decorations...
...and smashing fingers and cutting my hands on rain gutters and...
...vowing to NEVER docorate the house again and...
...ruing my ungrateful children and life itself...
AND...
...listening to Christmas music and...the distant church bells...
...counting my blessings and...
...dreaming of creating the perfect season and...
...inhaling the aromas of the neighbors' cooking and their wood buring stoves and...
...feeling the light caresses of the infrequent snowflakes that fell from the perfectly blue sky and ...
...simply loving the solitude and the freshness of new season and the promises that it holds...
...it was one of the few chances that adults have to relive the excitement of childhood...
Then...
I heard his voice and a snicker...and looked down from my treacherous perch from on the top rung of the ladder, at ground below...to see him standing there...dressed for 40 degree colder weather and toting the biggest bottle of his rum that I had ever seen!
I laughed so hard at his appearance that I nearly fell from the ladder...I steadied myself and continued the swearing part of the tradition...
How the heck did you get that bottle here...did you dress it as a traveling companion and buy it a separate airline seat? You are definitely a sight! What are you going to wear when it gets really cold?
He kicked at the dusty layer of snow..."I saw your neighbor at the hardware store and he told me that you were putting up decorations...so I thought that I would drop by and lend a hand..."
It was then that I realized that the thickness of his clothing was not for cold...but cushioning...in the event that he fell from the ladder...(not really...but it made me laugh again!)
Why would you come and help me...when you hire a professional company to decorate your place?
"I do that so that I can spend time helping you...if I were alone...I would waste my time fixing up my place...AND these people are professionals...their work comes with a guarantee...it will last through New Year's Day...then they come and take it down...I have no issues with that! Nothing to store...and my place is the best looking place in the neighborhood...Their work is a thing of beauty...a lasting thing of beauty.."
If I hadn't climbed down the ladder and took the bottle from his hand...his discourse on the benefits of hiring a professional company to decorate homes would have gone on for hours...I have gotten wise to the fine points of distracting him...
Would you like me to make some of this into hot buttered rum...or do you want it straight?
As we walked into the house, he contemplated both options to the point of my frustration...and opted for hot...
So I mixed "his favorite" with "my secret"...and we toasted an entirely successful year...with our favorite toast...
"We win some or we learn something...either way we are successful...!"
...and with that he went outside and began criticising every decoration...!
His primary attack was more on the methods behind the how the decoration was assembled and not the what it presented...
They went something like..."I love how you outlined your entire house in white lights and you have those cool icecicles hanging from the gutter...but you know...the first heavy snow or brisk wind and they'll be on the ground....Santa is going to tip over...Baby Jesus is going to blow into the next county if you do not tie him into the cradle...but do it so it doesn't look like you are some kind of pervert..."
I totally ignored every suggestion...because I put almost a whole day's swearing into it...that was a huge investment and now I could go back to my old self...which abhors "lower classed language!"
I was not about to tell him that last year...everything he mentioned was dead on! But I had that covered this year...I put everything up exactly the same way...and this time it was not going to crash!
As I scurried along the edge of the icy roof...he took a positon leaning against my frozen bird bath...knocking the bath part off the pedestal and smashing it into a hundred pieces...
He looked up to see if I had noticed and vowed to buy me a fountain to replace it...(which he actually did in the Spring)
The bird bath incident put him into a mentoring mood...and even though we were a hundred feet or more apart...I could see it clearly...
Want another rum he asked?
"I guess so," I said..."by the time you get back, I'll be done..."
"No...I was expecting you to get it for us," he laughed and he scurried off like a starched little over-stuffed scarecrow!
While I waited for his return...I had sufficient time to pick-up, store, turn evey light on...and step out in the road to survey and admire my masterpiece...
I was actually in a zone...looking at it in a child-like awe...when his voice brought my back to reality!
"Here take a drink...I know that you must be freezing..."
We stood there for a few minutes and he broke the silence...
"This is absolutely beautiful!"
"As far as Christmas lighting is concerned...it is not too gaudy...just nice!"
"That is what I like...you send a message! What do you think that message is?"
"I like bright lights?" I laughed...
"NOPE!...THANK YOU!"
"That is a great message to send and you should send it every day!"
"That should be an enduring meassage...and that is what is missing from this...the every day part!"
"What do you mean?" I inquired.
"You know...that bird bath that I destroyed...was beautiful...but it was not enduring..."
"These lights and the little pocket scenes of the manger and Christmas town and the Santa..."
"They are not enduring and you send a message that you are thankful...but it is superficial..."
As we stood there...the breeze turned into a cutting knife and the snow began falling harder...
"I built a fire in your fireplace...it should be roaring by now..."
What? I said...that fireplace is not real!
He nearly had a heart attack...and began running toward the house...then I confessed that it was a real fireplace...and just wanted to see what he would do!
He joined my in the "swearing tradition" for a moment and then we went in!
As punishment for my momentary trick...he continued with his oral dissertation...
"Lasting beauty depends upon a VERY strong foundation..."
"Beauty is constantly challenged and picked at, by its very nature...it is like a criticism magnet...so you need to ensure that it is twice as strong as anything you think will attack it..."
"That bird bath...built for birds...but not for a slightly overweight Greek..."
"That beauty disappeared the moment that I used it as a leaning post..."
"Your lights and scenes look beautiful...but will crash the minute they are challenged..."
But...I began in defense...
He was standing in the window of the study...and interrupted my objection, "Man...look at that snow...it is blowing...do you mind if I spend the night?"
"No problem...you can use the guest room"..."mein haus ist Ihr house...mein freund..."
We spent the rest of the evening in the warmth of the cracking fire...periodically throwing another log into it, to refresh the embers...and add to the traditional odors...
We talked of the need for sturdy organizational infrastructure...and that we do not focus on it enough...and that ANY change in an organization, demands a thorough review of the infrastructure...and more often than not a rebuild of that too!
Our missions, although unsaid, are about creating "things of beauty..."
In order for beauty to be more fleeting...it needs to be built to last...
Lasting beauty needs a strong foundation...
Being built to last has more to do with the foundation than that which the foundation supports...
Rock solid pilings...that extend into bedrock...
Deep stakes...that can not be easily pulled out...
Strong ties...that require more than a tug to sever...
A worthwhile effort is more than putting a layer of cosmetics, on a pig...
All beauty must go to the very core of the thing created...layer by layer...
So that as people who follow...as they "peel away the onion"...they find as much or more beauty within, as they saw on the surface...
This is a hard thing for "developers" to do...they often so not see the value related to depth...and emphasize the surface...
"Do not make that mistake as you build..."
Finally, the rum supply was exhausted, and the last log had gone from flames to a few orange embers...
Almost simultaneously we both stretched and yawned...then retired and awoke to an amazing "winter wonderland..."
After breakfast and tylenol...we dressed, intending to shovel the drive and the walk...and surprise the neighbors with as many clean drives as we could before they awoke...
He exited the house first...and I followed a few minutes later...
He had already shoveled his way to the street...and when I found him...he was holding the baby Jesus and looking back at yesterday's labor...
Do you want me to help you put your thing of beauty back up or should I call my company?
...climbing around the outside of the house and...
....swearing and...
...untangling hastily and poorly stored strings of light and...
...building a manger scene and...
...hanging wreaths and...
...falling off shaky ladders and...
...(Did I mention swearing?) and...
...sipping hot-buttered rum and...
...setting up other "should have been donated years ago" decorations...
...and smashing fingers and cutting my hands on rain gutters and...
...vowing to NEVER docorate the house again and...
...ruing my ungrateful children and life itself...
AND...
...listening to Christmas music and...the distant church bells...
...counting my blessings and...
...dreaming of creating the perfect season and...
...inhaling the aromas of the neighbors' cooking and their wood buring stoves and...
...feeling the light caresses of the infrequent snowflakes that fell from the perfectly blue sky and ...
...simply loving the solitude and the freshness of new season and the promises that it holds...
...it was one of the few chances that adults have to relive the excitement of childhood...
Then...
I heard his voice and a snicker...and looked down from my treacherous perch from on the top rung of the ladder, at ground below...to see him standing there...dressed for 40 degree colder weather and toting the biggest bottle of his rum that I had ever seen!
I laughed so hard at his appearance that I nearly fell from the ladder...I steadied myself and continued the swearing part of the tradition...
How the heck did you get that bottle here...did you dress it as a traveling companion and buy it a separate airline seat? You are definitely a sight! What are you going to wear when it gets really cold?
He kicked at the dusty layer of snow..."I saw your neighbor at the hardware store and he told me that you were putting up decorations...so I thought that I would drop by and lend a hand..."
It was then that I realized that the thickness of his clothing was not for cold...but cushioning...in the event that he fell from the ladder...(not really...but it made me laugh again!)
Why would you come and help me...when you hire a professional company to decorate your place?
"I do that so that I can spend time helping you...if I were alone...I would waste my time fixing up my place...AND these people are professionals...their work comes with a guarantee...it will last through New Year's Day...then they come and take it down...I have no issues with that! Nothing to store...and my place is the best looking place in the neighborhood...Their work is a thing of beauty...a lasting thing of beauty.."
If I hadn't climbed down the ladder and took the bottle from his hand...his discourse on the benefits of hiring a professional company to decorate homes would have gone on for hours...I have gotten wise to the fine points of distracting him...
Would you like me to make some of this into hot buttered rum...or do you want it straight?
As we walked into the house, he contemplated both options to the point of my frustration...and opted for hot...
So I mixed "his favorite" with "my secret"...and we toasted an entirely successful year...with our favorite toast...
"We win some or we learn something...either way we are successful...!"
...and with that he went outside and began criticising every decoration...!
His primary attack was more on the methods behind the how the decoration was assembled and not the what it presented...
They went something like..."I love how you outlined your entire house in white lights and you have those cool icecicles hanging from the gutter...but you know...the first heavy snow or brisk wind and they'll be on the ground....Santa is going to tip over...Baby Jesus is going to blow into the next county if you do not tie him into the cradle...but do it so it doesn't look like you are some kind of pervert..."
I totally ignored every suggestion...because I put almost a whole day's swearing into it...that was a huge investment and now I could go back to my old self...which abhors "lower classed language!"
I was not about to tell him that last year...everything he mentioned was dead on! But I had that covered this year...I put everything up exactly the same way...and this time it was not going to crash!
As I scurried along the edge of the icy roof...he took a positon leaning against my frozen bird bath...knocking the bath part off the pedestal and smashing it into a hundred pieces...
He looked up to see if I had noticed and vowed to buy me a fountain to replace it...(which he actually did in the Spring)
The bird bath incident put him into a mentoring mood...and even though we were a hundred feet or more apart...I could see it clearly...
Want another rum he asked?
"I guess so," I said..."by the time you get back, I'll be done..."
"No...I was expecting you to get it for us," he laughed and he scurried off like a starched little over-stuffed scarecrow!
While I waited for his return...I had sufficient time to pick-up, store, turn evey light on...and step out in the road to survey and admire my masterpiece...
I was actually in a zone...looking at it in a child-like awe...when his voice brought my back to reality!
"Here take a drink...I know that you must be freezing..."
We stood there for a few minutes and he broke the silence...
"This is absolutely beautiful!"
"As far as Christmas lighting is concerned...it is not too gaudy...just nice!"
"That is what I like...you send a message! What do you think that message is?"
"I like bright lights?" I laughed...
"NOPE!...THANK YOU!"
"That is a great message to send and you should send it every day!"
"That should be an enduring meassage...and that is what is missing from this...the every day part!"
"What do you mean?" I inquired.
"You know...that bird bath that I destroyed...was beautiful...but it was not enduring..."
"These lights and the little pocket scenes of the manger and Christmas town and the Santa..."
"They are not enduring and you send a message that you are thankful...but it is superficial..."
As we stood there...the breeze turned into a cutting knife and the snow began falling harder...
"I built a fire in your fireplace...it should be roaring by now..."
What? I said...that fireplace is not real!
He nearly had a heart attack...and began running toward the house...then I confessed that it was a real fireplace...and just wanted to see what he would do!
He joined my in the "swearing tradition" for a moment and then we went in!
As punishment for my momentary trick...he continued with his oral dissertation...
"Lasting beauty depends upon a VERY strong foundation..."
"Beauty is constantly challenged and picked at, by its very nature...it is like a criticism magnet...so you need to ensure that it is twice as strong as anything you think will attack it..."
"That bird bath...built for birds...but not for a slightly overweight Greek..."
"That beauty disappeared the moment that I used it as a leaning post..."
"Your lights and scenes look beautiful...but will crash the minute they are challenged..."
But...I began in defense...
He was standing in the window of the study...and interrupted my objection, "Man...look at that snow...it is blowing...do you mind if I spend the night?"
"No problem...you can use the guest room"..."mein haus ist Ihr house...mein freund..."
We spent the rest of the evening in the warmth of the cracking fire...periodically throwing another log into it, to refresh the embers...and add to the traditional odors...
We talked of the need for sturdy organizational infrastructure...and that we do not focus on it enough...and that ANY change in an organization, demands a thorough review of the infrastructure...and more often than not a rebuild of that too!
Our missions, although unsaid, are about creating "things of beauty..."
In order for beauty to be more fleeting...it needs to be built to last...
Lasting beauty needs a strong foundation...
Being built to last has more to do with the foundation than that which the foundation supports...
Rock solid pilings...that extend into bedrock...
Deep stakes...that can not be easily pulled out...
Strong ties...that require more than a tug to sever...
A worthwhile effort is more than putting a layer of cosmetics, on a pig...
All beauty must go to the very core of the thing created...layer by layer...
So that as people who follow...as they "peel away the onion"...they find as much or more beauty within, as they saw on the surface...
This is a hard thing for "developers" to do...they often so not see the value related to depth...and emphasize the surface...
"Do not make that mistake as you build..."
Finally, the rum supply was exhausted, and the last log had gone from flames to a few orange embers...
Almost simultaneously we both stretched and yawned...then retired and awoke to an amazing "winter wonderland..."
After breakfast and tylenol...we dressed, intending to shovel the drive and the walk...and surprise the neighbors with as many clean drives as we could before they awoke...
He exited the house first...and I followed a few minutes later...
He had already shoveled his way to the street...and when I found him...he was holding the baby Jesus and looking back at yesterday's labor...
Do you want me to help you put your thing of beauty back up or should I call my company?
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The "Secret" to the Building of the Pyramids...
I was riding on my favorite bike trail when I heard "huffing" coming from behind me...
Since I was not expecting anyone to join me, I didn't look back...
I figured that the other rider would either drop back or pass me...so I pulled to the right-side of the trail and rode a consistent speed...
He pulled up beside me and I looked over and saw that it was him!
"Give an old man a break and slow down to a human pace," he pleaded...
"Where are you headed?"
"Just around my regular loop," I replied...
"That's 25 more miles!" he complained, "You are insane!"
"Do you want to stop and rest at the next set of benches?"
"If you would be so kind, I would truely appreciate it"
We rode for about a mile, stopped and shared the water that was strapped to my bike...
"I had to ride like an idiot to catch up with you!" "I thought that I would catch you before you left...I hate being late!"
Did you have something important that you wanted to talk about?
"No...I just wanted to ride with you today...heck, you go fishing with me and you play golf with me...and you drink my rum with me...the least that I could do is something you like..."
What makes you think that I do not like those things?
"Those are things that you only do with me...you never do them when I am not around...so I assume that you do them because of me...not because you like them..."
"Do you remember some advice that you gave me once? NEVER say NEVER and NEVER say ALWAYS...you'll always be proven wrong..."
"Well you just did it!"
"I do not do things that I do not like! If I didn't like doing them or thought that they went against some higher ideal...I wouldn't do them! I fish and golf and drink rum without you...it's not as fun...but I still do it..."
"That's my boy...and that is all I needed to hear! AND yes...you caught me! I did say NEVER!"
"Do you want a real drink?"
He pulled out a HUGE flask and handed it to me...
I laughed and obliged him!
"So what do you want to discuss?"
"I was thinking about "great things" last night...not the what! part of them...but the how?"
"I came across an insight that I just had to share with you..."
"Cool...share it...share it...share it...stop the suspense building!"
"The 7 wonders of the ancient world and the pyramids in particular...that was what I was thinking about..."
"They are an interesting anomoly...."
"The legacy of them lives today!"
"The riddle of the pyramids are more difficult than that of the Sphinx!"
"Do you remember the riddle of the Sphinx?"
With that he went into his reflective stance...
"Long ago...Hera sent the Sphinx from Ethiopia to Thebes in Greece where she asked all passersby the most famous riddle in history: "
“It went something like this...Which creature in the morning goes on four legs, at mid-day on two, and in the evening upon three, and the more legs it has, the weaker it be?”
"To add to the challenge...she strangled and ate anyone unable to answer."
"Oedipus was the first to solve the riddle. His solution was...Man — who crawls on all fours as a baby, then walks on two feet as an adult, and then walks with a cane in old age."
"I do not know if you are aware of it but, there was a second riddle:"
"There are two sisters: one gives birth to the other and she, in turn, gives birth to the first."
"I know the answer," I replied, "Day and Night—both words are feminine in Greek..."
"VERY GOOD...I thought I would catch you on that one..."
With that he pulled back out of his reflective posture.
"Those are tough riddles but not as difficult as trying to figure out how the pyramids were built!"
"You know the best riddles are self-evident...actually the ones with the most difficult answers are those which point to the self evident ones!"
"Mankind has struggled with the riddle of how the pyramids were built for centuries!"
"The real struggle is brought about by their paradigms and perspectives, rather than the answer itself!"
"Here is what is happening...The Egyptians had no advanced technology...when we think about it...we can not do it with our current technology...how could they?"
"Many have theorized that extra-terrestorial creatures helps them or that they had access to some kind of technology that we did not...That is pretty arogant...don't you think?"
"They actually had the same tool at their disposal as we do...the one that mattered...to their building of those great monuments..."
"You know what is interesting? You could build a pyramid of the same immense magnitude..."
"I could too..."
"Do you know what the secret tool is?"
The lever? The wheel?
"No...and it is not some lost technology...although the secret is lost to many..."
"You have it right here with you now..."
"My bicycle?" I laughed...
"It is not your bicycle or magic...even though many people still blame many people's amazing accomplishments upon it..."
"The bicycle or magic? I know magic!" I laughed..
I could see that he was not appreciating my humor...
"Stop it already and cut to the chase," I pleaded...
"The secret of how the pyramids were built is..."
"...hard work, persistence and passion..."
"...lots of hard work and lots of passionate people..."
"AND...the secret tool is your mind...and the capacity that it has for creativity, adaptiveness and ingenuity..."
"There is no stopping people who work hard and are passionate about what they are doing!"
"I can see those ancient conversations now..."
"Let's build a huge pyramid..."
"A monument that will stand for thousands of years and that will baffle generations to come!"
"The reply...OK...that would be really neat...we do not have the technology to do it! All we have are these little rock hammers...and these ropes..."
"WOW! That is all we need! Let's get to work and figure out the rest as we go on!"
"And they did! They did not make the first mistake of not starting..."
"They immediately came upon issues...but they figured them out...and persisted"
"At that point, the secret tool was their mind! When they came up against an obstacle...they figured it out...then they went on to the next one and the next one and the next one..."
"40 ton block by 40 ton block...obstacle after obstacle...they built legacies...that stand today...the pyramids have outlasted history...and generations..."
"I just read that an atomic bomb couldn't flatten them! That is an enduring monument..."
"The Romans destroyed many temples and buildings of many cultures, including the Temple of Solomon...but could not scratch the pyramids...that legacy lives!"
"All that strength can only be attributed to hard work...passion and ingenuity..."
"Not some alien culture who came down here in space ships and helped..."
"That legacy was built by endurance and ingenuity and an unwillingness to give up..."
"Not some far-fetched, sensationalized, conspiracy theory!"
"Our society is ever so wrought with paradigms..."
"One of the secrets that they possessed was that entitlement was reserved to one person...the Pharaoh...it was not an all pervasive right for everyone in that society" The recognized the destructiveness of entitlement and isolated it to one person...BRILLIANT!"
"Back then...people did not believe that they had a God given right to work less and get paid more..."
"The Egyptians believed quite like the Founding Fathers of America...that we had a right to work...and make a living as long as it didn't infringe on the right of others to do the same..."
"DO not get me wrong...they believed in entitilement...but it was much different and our society has ruined the real concept of entitlement..."
"All in all...It is our arrogance that stands in the way of our true understanding...if we could only wipe those paradigms out and become as little children...the kingdom could be ours!"
"When I really think about it...we could do the same...but we have become lazy society...and we attribute that same defect to our predecessors..."
"They were not lazy...they were passionate and creative...and adaptive"
"They were not afraid to work..."
"They were driven by passion and fervor!"
"Those individuals who possess those tools, today, (and there are few) build enduring legacies too..."
"With the right amount of vision and creativity...the legacies that they build will stand as long as the pyramids...unless of course one sets the goal to make them endure longer"
"Enduring monuments, legacies...are not built upon success...they are built by overcoming obstacle after obstacle...through a strength of will...using the tools at hand...and not blaming failure upon the lack of technology or the absence of alien help..."
"The secret of the pyramids is hard work...and it is glaring us right in the face!"
"With that he said...We have 24 more miles to ride today...and then we have a pyramid to build...I have a feeling that our legacy is going to have some major obstacles to overcome...but there is one thing that the Romans can not tear apart...OUR LEGACIES!"
"Let's go do something that endures..."
Since I was not expecting anyone to join me, I didn't look back...
I figured that the other rider would either drop back or pass me...so I pulled to the right-side of the trail and rode a consistent speed...
He pulled up beside me and I looked over and saw that it was him!
"Give an old man a break and slow down to a human pace," he pleaded...
"Where are you headed?"
"Just around my regular loop," I replied...
"That's 25 more miles!" he complained, "You are insane!"
"Do you want to stop and rest at the next set of benches?"
"If you would be so kind, I would truely appreciate it"
We rode for about a mile, stopped and shared the water that was strapped to my bike...
"I had to ride like an idiot to catch up with you!" "I thought that I would catch you before you left...I hate being late!"
Did you have something important that you wanted to talk about?
"No...I just wanted to ride with you today...heck, you go fishing with me and you play golf with me...and you drink my rum with me...the least that I could do is something you like..."
What makes you think that I do not like those things?
"Those are things that you only do with me...you never do them when I am not around...so I assume that you do them because of me...not because you like them..."
"Do you remember some advice that you gave me once? NEVER say NEVER and NEVER say ALWAYS...you'll always be proven wrong..."
"Well you just did it!"
"I do not do things that I do not like! If I didn't like doing them or thought that they went against some higher ideal...I wouldn't do them! I fish and golf and drink rum without you...it's not as fun...but I still do it..."
"That's my boy...and that is all I needed to hear! AND yes...you caught me! I did say NEVER!"
"Do you want a real drink?"
He pulled out a HUGE flask and handed it to me...
I laughed and obliged him!
"So what do you want to discuss?"
"I was thinking about "great things" last night...not the what! part of them...but the how?"
"I came across an insight that I just had to share with you..."
"Cool...share it...share it...share it...stop the suspense building!"
"The 7 wonders of the ancient world and the pyramids in particular...that was what I was thinking about..."
"They are an interesting anomoly...."
"The legacy of them lives today!"
"The riddle of the pyramids are more difficult than that of the Sphinx!"
"Do you remember the riddle of the Sphinx?"
With that he went into his reflective stance...
"Long ago...Hera sent the Sphinx from Ethiopia to Thebes in Greece where she asked all passersby the most famous riddle in history: "
“It went something like this...Which creature in the morning goes on four legs, at mid-day on two, and in the evening upon three, and the more legs it has, the weaker it be?”
"To add to the challenge...she strangled and ate anyone unable to answer."
"Oedipus was the first to solve the riddle. His solution was...Man — who crawls on all fours as a baby, then walks on two feet as an adult, and then walks with a cane in old age."
"I do not know if you are aware of it but, there was a second riddle:"
"There are two sisters: one gives birth to the other and she, in turn, gives birth to the first."
"I know the answer," I replied, "Day and Night—both words are feminine in Greek..."
"VERY GOOD...I thought I would catch you on that one..."
With that he pulled back out of his reflective posture.
"Those are tough riddles but not as difficult as trying to figure out how the pyramids were built!"
"You know the best riddles are self-evident...actually the ones with the most difficult answers are those which point to the self evident ones!"
"Mankind has struggled with the riddle of how the pyramids were built for centuries!"
"The real struggle is brought about by their paradigms and perspectives, rather than the answer itself!"
"Here is what is happening...The Egyptians had no advanced technology...when we think about it...we can not do it with our current technology...how could they?"
"Many have theorized that extra-terrestorial creatures helps them or that they had access to some kind of technology that we did not...That is pretty arogant...don't you think?"
"They actually had the same tool at their disposal as we do...the one that mattered...to their building of those great monuments..."
"You know what is interesting? You could build a pyramid of the same immense magnitude..."
"I could too..."
"Do you know what the secret tool is?"
The lever? The wheel?
"No...and it is not some lost technology...although the secret is lost to many..."
"You have it right here with you now..."
"My bicycle?" I laughed...
"It is not your bicycle or magic...even though many people still blame many people's amazing accomplishments upon it..."
"The bicycle or magic? I know magic!" I laughed..
I could see that he was not appreciating my humor...
"Stop it already and cut to the chase," I pleaded...
"The secret of how the pyramids were built is..."
"...hard work, persistence and passion..."
"...lots of hard work and lots of passionate people..."
"AND...the secret tool is your mind...and the capacity that it has for creativity, adaptiveness and ingenuity..."
"There is no stopping people who work hard and are passionate about what they are doing!"
"I can see those ancient conversations now..."
"Let's build a huge pyramid..."
"A monument that will stand for thousands of years and that will baffle generations to come!"
"The reply...OK...that would be really neat...we do not have the technology to do it! All we have are these little rock hammers...and these ropes..."
"WOW! That is all we need! Let's get to work and figure out the rest as we go on!"
"And they did! They did not make the first mistake of not starting..."
"They immediately came upon issues...but they figured them out...and persisted"
"At that point, the secret tool was their mind! When they came up against an obstacle...they figured it out...then they went on to the next one and the next one and the next one..."
"40 ton block by 40 ton block...obstacle after obstacle...they built legacies...that stand today...the pyramids have outlasted history...and generations..."
"I just read that an atomic bomb couldn't flatten them! That is an enduring monument..."
"The Romans destroyed many temples and buildings of many cultures, including the Temple of Solomon...but could not scratch the pyramids...that legacy lives!"
"All that strength can only be attributed to hard work...passion and ingenuity..."
"Not some alien culture who came down here in space ships and helped..."
"That legacy was built by endurance and ingenuity and an unwillingness to give up..."
"Not some far-fetched, sensationalized, conspiracy theory!"
"Our society is ever so wrought with paradigms..."
"One of the secrets that they possessed was that entitlement was reserved to one person...the Pharaoh...it was not an all pervasive right for everyone in that society" The recognized the destructiveness of entitlement and isolated it to one person...BRILLIANT!"
"Back then...people did not believe that they had a God given right to work less and get paid more..."
"The Egyptians believed quite like the Founding Fathers of America...that we had a right to work...and make a living as long as it didn't infringe on the right of others to do the same..."
"DO not get me wrong...they believed in entitilement...but it was much different and our society has ruined the real concept of entitlement..."
"All in all...It is our arrogance that stands in the way of our true understanding...if we could only wipe those paradigms out and become as little children...the kingdom could be ours!"
"When I really think about it...we could do the same...but we have become lazy society...and we attribute that same defect to our predecessors..."
"They were not lazy...they were passionate and creative...and adaptive"
"They were not afraid to work..."
"They were driven by passion and fervor!"
"Those individuals who possess those tools, today, (and there are few) build enduring legacies too..."
"With the right amount of vision and creativity...the legacies that they build will stand as long as the pyramids...unless of course one sets the goal to make them endure longer"
"Enduring monuments, legacies...are not built upon success...they are built by overcoming obstacle after obstacle...through a strength of will...using the tools at hand...and not blaming failure upon the lack of technology or the absence of alien help..."
"The secret of the pyramids is hard work...and it is glaring us right in the face!"
"With that he said...We have 24 more miles to ride today...and then we have a pyramid to build...I have a feeling that our legacy is going to have some major obstacles to overcome...but there is one thing that the Romans can not tear apart...OUR LEGACIES!"
"Let's go do something that endures..."
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Gentlesmans' Sport...
"Life is all work and no play...is exactly on the opposite end of the truth spectrum," he would say on days like today...
We were up at sunrise to make his regular tee-time! We were the first ones off every Saturday morning! I think that it was that alone that motivated him...he was "kiddy" as we walked up to the first tee box...
We enjoyed golfing together...in fact we probably golfed too much! He had standing tee times 3 days each week and he seldom missed them...We were also a "sub team" on two evening leagues...There were times that I felt "overloaded" with golf...but because we played together...it was a blast!
Our "play" was quite unconventional...
Hit the ball...
Toast to celebrate a brilliant hit (no matter where it landed)...
Drive to it...
Hit it again...and...
Repeat every step...
We supplemented the routine with heavy discussions...most of the topics were those that we had no time to talk about while enjoying "the play" in other aspects of our lives...we actually played golf (from my perspective) in order to give us uninterrupted philosophy time!
He had a unique golf strategy...he never used his driver...most of the time he "teed-off" with a club no larger than his 5 wood...then he jumped into his irons 5,7, 9, wedge and then putt...He played absolutely perfect sub-bogie golf! He'd par the 5's consistently (a rare birdie was celebrated)...the 4's a little over 50% of the time and the 3's his demise! I struggled to do the same...but was a consistent challenge to him and a good team mate!
Today the stars aligned and we were playing more like the regulars who arrive a few hours later than us...and show disgust at pars!
We were reveling in a pair of par 3 birdies (a rarity). He poured another drink and then asked..."Many people claim that golf and business are much alike...do you know how these two are the same?"
We were playing so good...I wanted to concentrate on my game...but I knew better...
I gave him a long winded answer and he patiently listened...sipped his drink and subtly motioned that I should do the same...It was a hint that I should "shut up" and listen...
I ignored his hints and continued talking until I gave my entire perspective...he smiled and told me that I was totally off base!
"OK...then...how are they the same?" I asked...
"Both endeavors are gentlemens' sports...In golf...everything short of a hole in one is a mistake...an error...or less than adequate performance...every shot from tee to hole is making up for your inadequacies!"
"The exact same thing holds true in management...every day (except in some rare occasions) is sub perfect and all subsequent efforts are around correcting for the initial shot-fall and those that follow!"
"I never looked at it that way! The best players treat that situation with grace and class...recognizing that they are pursuing a nearly impossible goal and that they are constantly playing catch-up!"
"But you called it a gentlemens' sport...what do you mean by gentlemen?"
"Although the mechanics of golf and business are nearly identical...it is the gentlemen part of it that brings the two into the same arena..."
"A gentleman is an individual with "class.""
"A gentleman is a person who controls extremes and is astutely aware of the impact that his behaviors has on others..."
"A gentleman NEVER lowers himself to the tactics of the "lower classed" people around him...he or she is a person of firm integrity!"
"A gentleman stands out in the croud...not because of dress...but because action..."
"A gentleman is a person of charity...they are constantly appreciative for the blessings that they have received and never steal credit where credit is due..."
"A gentleman recognizes their strengths and weaknesses and does not veer from reality..."
"I could go on for a long time with the characteristics of a gentleman...the important thing is to set yourself apart..."
"Business is not a game of aces, or birdies or even consistent pars...not for most of the players..."
"We would love to believe ourselves of being capable of consistent birdie golf...but then we'd be making a living doing that!" "Get REAL...we have to stop deluding ourselves...and see ouselves for what we are really capable of..." "There is a huge difference between a perfect game...a score of 18...and a par game of 72!" "And we celebrate a great game when we are 54 strokes away from realty..."
"We are blessed by the fact that there are so many poor players that our meager efforts look like birdie golf!"
"But if we get realistic...we are limited by those around us..." "That is one of the reasons I like to be the first one off when I play...I have noone in front of me to slow me down..."
"The important thing is to be a gentleman about our efforts...and the performance of others..."
"Look at the most of the early morning players...they curse...they throw clubs...they outwardly show disappointment!"
"Those people are not gentlemen!"
"Think about a majority of the meetings that we attend...many of those players curse...throw thensleves and show disappointment...there is no difference..."
"Acting like that in business is no better...and does not increases one's class or cash! Those behaviors do not take a single stroke off their game (in golf)...or...make the company's performance better..."
"So remember...unless you make a hole in one...you are playing catch-up...don't deceive youself into believing that you made a great shot...if it didn't go in the hole..."
"Then remember to be a gentleman about it all..."
"Be thankful that your shot didn't go into the woods!"
"Gather yourself up..."
"and try again!"
"Do not give up..."
"Catch-up..."
"Get to the hole..."
"AND be a gentleman about it all..."
"Show the world who has class and who doesn't!"
"There are a few professional players that we try to emulate...but the fact of the matter is...a vast majority of players...whether it is in business or golf...are "wanna bees!"
"They are amatuers..."
"Put any of them in the arena with the true professionals and they are embarrassing losers!"
"Don't emulate a loser..."
"I am so entertained by any of those people...golfers or business people...who act as if they are professionals! They lack the most basic components...a sense of reality!"
With that...I walked up to my tee'd ball...and hit the best grass burner I ever hit...
"Great hit!" he sincerely noted...
I smiled and said..."I can not wait to see what my next hit will be like!"
"I have a lot of catching up to do!"
"Pass me my drink...Here's to you...a gentleman and a scholar!"
We were up at sunrise to make his regular tee-time! We were the first ones off every Saturday morning! I think that it was that alone that motivated him...he was "kiddy" as we walked up to the first tee box...
We enjoyed golfing together...in fact we probably golfed too much! He had standing tee times 3 days each week and he seldom missed them...We were also a "sub team" on two evening leagues...There were times that I felt "overloaded" with golf...but because we played together...it was a blast!
Our "play" was quite unconventional...
Hit the ball...
Toast to celebrate a brilliant hit (no matter where it landed)...
Drive to it...
Hit it again...and...
Repeat every step...
We supplemented the routine with heavy discussions...most of the topics were those that we had no time to talk about while enjoying "the play" in other aspects of our lives...we actually played golf (from my perspective) in order to give us uninterrupted philosophy time!
He had a unique golf strategy...he never used his driver...most of the time he "teed-off" with a club no larger than his 5 wood...then he jumped into his irons 5,7, 9, wedge and then putt...He played absolutely perfect sub-bogie golf! He'd par the 5's consistently (a rare birdie was celebrated)...the 4's a little over 50% of the time and the 3's his demise! I struggled to do the same...but was a consistent challenge to him and a good team mate!
Today the stars aligned and we were playing more like the regulars who arrive a few hours later than us...and show disgust at pars!
We were reveling in a pair of par 3 birdies (a rarity). He poured another drink and then asked..."Many people claim that golf and business are much alike...do you know how these two are the same?"
We were playing so good...I wanted to concentrate on my game...but I knew better...
I gave him a long winded answer and he patiently listened...sipped his drink and subtly motioned that I should do the same...It was a hint that I should "shut up" and listen...
I ignored his hints and continued talking until I gave my entire perspective...he smiled and told me that I was totally off base!
"OK...then...how are they the same?" I asked...
"Both endeavors are gentlemens' sports...In golf...everything short of a hole in one is a mistake...an error...or less than adequate performance...every shot from tee to hole is making up for your inadequacies!"
"The exact same thing holds true in management...every day (except in some rare occasions) is sub perfect and all subsequent efforts are around correcting for the initial shot-fall and those that follow!"
"I never looked at it that way! The best players treat that situation with grace and class...recognizing that they are pursuing a nearly impossible goal and that they are constantly playing catch-up!"
"But you called it a gentlemens' sport...what do you mean by gentlemen?"
"Although the mechanics of golf and business are nearly identical...it is the gentlemen part of it that brings the two into the same arena..."
"A gentleman is an individual with "class.""
"A gentleman is a person who controls extremes and is astutely aware of the impact that his behaviors has on others..."
"A gentleman NEVER lowers himself to the tactics of the "lower classed" people around him...he or she is a person of firm integrity!"
"A gentleman stands out in the croud...not because of dress...but because action..."
"A gentleman is a person of charity...they are constantly appreciative for the blessings that they have received and never steal credit where credit is due..."
"A gentleman recognizes their strengths and weaknesses and does not veer from reality..."
"I could go on for a long time with the characteristics of a gentleman...the important thing is to set yourself apart..."
"Business is not a game of aces, or birdies or even consistent pars...not for most of the players..."
"We would love to believe ourselves of being capable of consistent birdie golf...but then we'd be making a living doing that!" "Get REAL...we have to stop deluding ourselves...and see ouselves for what we are really capable of..." "There is a huge difference between a perfect game...a score of 18...and a par game of 72!" "And we celebrate a great game when we are 54 strokes away from realty..."
"We are blessed by the fact that there are so many poor players that our meager efforts look like birdie golf!"
"But if we get realistic...we are limited by those around us..." "That is one of the reasons I like to be the first one off when I play...I have noone in front of me to slow me down..."
"The important thing is to be a gentleman about our efforts...and the performance of others..."
"Look at the most of the early morning players...they curse...they throw clubs...they outwardly show disappointment!"
"Those people are not gentlemen!"
"Think about a majority of the meetings that we attend...many of those players curse...throw thensleves and show disappointment...there is no difference..."
"Acting like that in business is no better...and does not increases one's class or cash! Those behaviors do not take a single stroke off their game (in golf)...or...make the company's performance better..."
"So remember...unless you make a hole in one...you are playing catch-up...don't deceive youself into believing that you made a great shot...if it didn't go in the hole..."
"Then remember to be a gentleman about it all..."
"Be thankful that your shot didn't go into the woods!"
"Gather yourself up..."
"and try again!"
"Do not give up..."
"Catch-up..."
"Get to the hole..."
"AND be a gentleman about it all..."
"Show the world who has class and who doesn't!"
"There are a few professional players that we try to emulate...but the fact of the matter is...a vast majority of players...whether it is in business or golf...are "wanna bees!"
"They are amatuers..."
"Put any of them in the arena with the true professionals and they are embarrassing losers!"
"Don't emulate a loser..."
"I am so entertained by any of those people...golfers or business people...who act as if they are professionals! They lack the most basic components...a sense of reality!"
With that...I walked up to my tee'd ball...and hit the best grass burner I ever hit...
"Great hit!" he sincerely noted...
I smiled and said..."I can not wait to see what my next hit will be like!"
"I have a lot of catching up to do!"
"Pass me my drink...Here's to you...a gentleman and a scholar!"
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
The Right Kind of Ego Problem...?
I had a decision to make and I needed his advice!
Going over the many years that I have known him, I reveled over the constant change in the superficial, defining elements of our relationship...
We started as two people assigned to work together on solving an impossible orgainzational riddle...
Then he became my mentor...
Then we were peers...
and he was my mentor...
Then he was my superior...
and he was my mentor...
then we were just friends...
and he was my mentor...
Then I was his superior...
and he was my mentor...
Over the course of our relationship one aspect did change...it, in fact, grew...it was the respect that we had for eachother's perspective...
I believe that soon after we "formally" agreed upon the mentoring relationship, it became mutual mentoring...
He once told me that the reason that he asked to mentor me...was more that he needed a mentor... and that he respected my advice and guidence....and that his meager offerings were payment for a greater gift...that he received from me!
I wrote that off as "his rum" talking...but I never forgot that!
If just an iota of that sentence were true...it was a great honor and a great responsibility...
For all I knew...it could have been part of his plan and way of teaching me...or simply a way to keep me around...I didn't care...
"So...do you write this play...produce it...or...direct it?" he said with that sly smile...
He knew that the company had given me a set of choices...he couldn't hide it!
"I hate the fact that although you work for me...they talk with you more than me..." I responded...
"WE BOTH work for them...and there is nothing better than having two perspectives isn't there?" he admonished...
"I do not work for you! I work with you! I taught you that lesson a long time ago! If you ever have that feeling with anyone...that is...that they work for you...IMMEDIATELY RESIGN YOUR POSITION!" he reprimanded..."How could you be so arrogant and condescending?" "Only the most infantile and deluded managers hold on to that Victorian concept of management!"
He was right...he never really worked for me...for all I really knew...he was doing what he was doing as a test of me! When he was my boss...I worked with him...not for him! I knew the feeling...but I let the perception of my position within the hierarchy get to me for a brief moment! I never forgot that brief lesson...and I now shake my head in disbelief when I watch the former "high school towel boys, who are trying to prove someting ," pull rank on the undeserving!
I have watched many leaders let their egos get in the way of success...by that simple phrase...and belief! It can be likened to putting themselves on equal par with God...almost every religion has a story about some arrogant person or being, who attempted to "take the throne" and we all know (well many) what happened to him or her!
All that aside...There was also one absolute constant in our relationship...implicit trust and loyalty...
I could trust him to watch out for my well being, over his personal interests and aspirations...in fact, he looked out for me so well...that I never had to "watch my back." I returned the favor and he never had to look out for himself! I often thought that if I had to "give it all up" for him...I would...and I knew he would do the same...
I remember a time when that loyalty was tested...and I stood my ground! I pulled out my "mobile resignation" and signed it! The organization immediately recanted...knowing that if he left...and I left...our teams would follow...(I hoped so!)...and they couldn't aford that...(I later found out that most of my team and his team lacked the guts to back us up...how sad! What users! Will I ever learn?)
That characteristic in any realtionship is a rarity. "Most people are ultimately self-serving and would cut your throat, at the first opportunity...rather than get a razor burn..." he would often say. Most are less than "fair weather friends"...a little cloud casts a shadow nearby and they'll turn and run!"
It was sad...he was right! Most of the people that I thought that I could implicitly trust turned out to be hollow plaster mannequins! I love that mental image...a seemingly hard exterior...but in reality...crumbly...and ...hollow...nothing of substance beyond that weak shell!
I committed to myself to NEVER to be like that! An unwritten but driving mission...perhaps better stated...a standard of personal performance...within my mission...I have learned to abhor those type of people...
I could write for the rest of my life about how appalling those kind of people are...and how they are a drain on the earth's precious resources and how they are even a waste of the air that they breath, convert to smoke and blow up innocent people's ...OK...I have to stop...even giving them recognition is a waste!
I once heard that the opposite of love is not hate...it is indifference...
It is true...the worse thing that you can do to these kind of people is not to hate them...but become indifferent to their existence! Do not give them the pleasure of recognition or confirm their value through a reaction...do not recognize their life...
"If a tree falls in the woods...and noone hears it...there is no sound!" "If a person is like that...do not recognize their existence...and give them life! Poor logic...but his point was always well made!
In that light...I say...
...
...
...
...
NOTHING!
I am so thankful that I had someone enter my life that modeled true loyal behavior and I was given numerous chances to prove that I was capable of also being truely loyal and trustworthy...
"So what are you going to do? You have three opportunities in front of you...you can run this specific location...you can direct the overall organizational strategy...or you can oversee the finances."
"Just like a movie! the Writer, Director, or Producer!"
"What do you think?" I asked him...
"That is a question that you and you alone have to answer...I will never tell you what direction you should choose! The path must be your decision..."
"A real mentor would never give you that advice...A real friend would not...the only time I would even hint at a path is if I saw it leading to your demise!"
"A real mentor? That is pretty egotistical of you!" I taunted...but I heard him...
...and he heard me!
"Egotistical? Let's talk about egos for a bit..."
As soon as I heard that and saw his sly smile, I knew that I had been blindfolded and lead directly into a trap!
"There are two kinds of egos...good ones and bad ones..."
"No...let me say that differently...there are two kinds of egos...those that are deserved and those that are not..."
I am using ego and confidence in the same context at this point in the discussion...
Each one of us has an ego...some self-image that we believe in and protect...
Some people have a justified ego and others do not...the size of the populations of each group is of no consequence to our thinking right now...but you can guess, and probably with accuracy, which group holds the greatetr number of people...
All egos are built...we may believe that some people are born with HUGE egos...but I have found that not to be the case...this is an entirely different discussion that we'll take up over "my rum" some evening...
Egos are necessery for one to be successful...but there must be substance behind what you believe in yourself...some of that belief, in fact most of it, should be built on prior success. It does not have to be experience on the path that you are walking...but it needs to hold definite lines of similarities.
A highly successful kidney surgeon has an ego related to kidney surgery...he may or may not be justified in his ego related to surgery alone however...he could be an absolute novice (having an unjustified ego) in other surgeries however...like brain surgery...but could be justified on a simple surgery like an appendectomy. There are right uses of one's ego and bad!
Egos should be guarded, because they are truely frail creatures...they must be constantly fed...or they will whither and die...they must be constantly analyzed...asking questions of it like has the world passed me up?
Never allow your past experience feed an ego for too long...because memories lose their nutirtional value quickly...yes...they have a shelf life...and an expiration date!
Although this sounds like an extreme psychological problem...everyone has multiple egos...unless of course he or she is so highly specialized that they only have one thing that they do...
But let's think about it for a moment...
This is why I am using ego and confidence in the same context...
You have a certain ego for public speaking...
another for driving in traffic...
another for leading people...
another your current career path...
another for the paths that you are contemplating taking...
You have an ego for math, science, cooking, fixing your car...
The list is nearly infinite...
Writers have an ego related to their ability to put words on paper...
Producers on gathering and justifying financial support...
Directors on taking words from paper and putting them into the mouths of people and then capturing them on film...
Each successful one knows that they can do a great job, in a way that noone else can!
Over time some writers learn how directors convert those words...and become great directors...and on and on...
That is where you are at...you are at a crossroad...and need to assess what kind of ego problem you have!
Do you have the right kind...? Which means are you warranted in choosing another path...
...or...
Do you have an inflated ego...filled with air and lacking any substance...?
Have you deluded yourself into believing that you are capable of things that you are not...
Has your delusion become so real to yourself that you have others believing it too?
The bottom-line of this discussion is for you to GET REAL!
The beauty of where you are standing at this juncture in your life is that you have an ego finely tuned to one of the choices...it is highly probably that the other paths may not be the best fit!
That is no miracle...the fact of the matter is...that at any point in your life...you have that set of choices...it usually doesn't become apparent until the choice is BIG! They are always there, to those who are astute enough to see them...
Another gift of this world is that very few things are really constant...you can use your choices to feed the other egos and prepare you for the "jump" from one path to another...
Just do not jump too soon...sometimes the gap is too large for you to traverse it...then guess what happens?
...FAILURE...
Where is your ego justified...where does it have substance and lacks delusion?
You have all three egos...
One of them is right...the other two have some growing up to do!
"One of them is the Right ego problem to have... "
"The other two are not and they lower you to the level of of the hoard of rabid lemmings!"
With that...he stopped talking...
I thought for just a moment...and realized that he had told me which job that he thought I should take...and I did! Not because he told me...but because he confirmed what I believed...
I have never regretted...his advice!
and more importantly...
His loyalty...
Going over the many years that I have known him, I reveled over the constant change in the superficial, defining elements of our relationship...
We started as two people assigned to work together on solving an impossible orgainzational riddle...
Then he became my mentor...
Then we were peers...
and he was my mentor...
Then he was my superior...
and he was my mentor...
then we were just friends...
and he was my mentor...
Then I was his superior...
and he was my mentor...
Over the course of our relationship one aspect did change...it, in fact, grew...it was the respect that we had for eachother's perspective...
I believe that soon after we "formally" agreed upon the mentoring relationship, it became mutual mentoring...
He once told me that the reason that he asked to mentor me...was more that he needed a mentor... and that he respected my advice and guidence....and that his meager offerings were payment for a greater gift...that he received from me!
I wrote that off as "his rum" talking...but I never forgot that!
If just an iota of that sentence were true...it was a great honor and a great responsibility...
For all I knew...it could have been part of his plan and way of teaching me...or simply a way to keep me around...I didn't care...
"So...do you write this play...produce it...or...direct it?" he said with that sly smile...
He knew that the company had given me a set of choices...he couldn't hide it!
"I hate the fact that although you work for me...they talk with you more than me..." I responded...
"WE BOTH work for them...and there is nothing better than having two perspectives isn't there?" he admonished...
"I do not work for you! I work with you! I taught you that lesson a long time ago! If you ever have that feeling with anyone...that is...that they work for you...IMMEDIATELY RESIGN YOUR POSITION!" he reprimanded..."How could you be so arrogant and condescending?" "Only the most infantile and deluded managers hold on to that Victorian concept of management!"
He was right...he never really worked for me...for all I really knew...he was doing what he was doing as a test of me! When he was my boss...I worked with him...not for him! I knew the feeling...but I let the perception of my position within the hierarchy get to me for a brief moment! I never forgot that brief lesson...and I now shake my head in disbelief when I watch the former "high school towel boys, who are trying to prove someting ," pull rank on the undeserving!
I have watched many leaders let their egos get in the way of success...by that simple phrase...and belief! It can be likened to putting themselves on equal par with God...almost every religion has a story about some arrogant person or being, who attempted to "take the throne" and we all know (well many) what happened to him or her!
All that aside...There was also one absolute constant in our relationship...implicit trust and loyalty...
I could trust him to watch out for my well being, over his personal interests and aspirations...in fact, he looked out for me so well...that I never had to "watch my back." I returned the favor and he never had to look out for himself! I often thought that if I had to "give it all up" for him...I would...and I knew he would do the same...
I remember a time when that loyalty was tested...and I stood my ground! I pulled out my "mobile resignation" and signed it! The organization immediately recanted...knowing that if he left...and I left...our teams would follow...(I hoped so!)...and they couldn't aford that...(I later found out that most of my team and his team lacked the guts to back us up...how sad! What users! Will I ever learn?)
That characteristic in any realtionship is a rarity. "Most people are ultimately self-serving and would cut your throat, at the first opportunity...rather than get a razor burn..." he would often say. Most are less than "fair weather friends"...a little cloud casts a shadow nearby and they'll turn and run!"
It was sad...he was right! Most of the people that I thought that I could implicitly trust turned out to be hollow plaster mannequins! I love that mental image...a seemingly hard exterior...but in reality...crumbly...and ...hollow...nothing of substance beyond that weak shell!
I committed to myself to NEVER to be like that! An unwritten but driving mission...perhaps better stated...a standard of personal performance...within my mission...I have learned to abhor those type of people...
I could write for the rest of my life about how appalling those kind of people are...and how they are a drain on the earth's precious resources and how they are even a waste of the air that they breath, convert to smoke and blow up innocent people's ...OK...I have to stop...even giving them recognition is a waste!
I once heard that the opposite of love is not hate...it is indifference...
It is true...the worse thing that you can do to these kind of people is not to hate them...but become indifferent to their existence! Do not give them the pleasure of recognition or confirm their value through a reaction...do not recognize their life...
"If a tree falls in the woods...and noone hears it...there is no sound!" "If a person is like that...do not recognize their existence...and give them life! Poor logic...but his point was always well made!
In that light...I say...
...
...
...
...
NOTHING!
I am so thankful that I had someone enter my life that modeled true loyal behavior and I was given numerous chances to prove that I was capable of also being truely loyal and trustworthy...
"So what are you going to do? You have three opportunities in front of you...you can run this specific location...you can direct the overall organizational strategy...or you can oversee the finances."
"Just like a movie! the Writer, Director, or Producer!"
"What do you think?" I asked him...
"That is a question that you and you alone have to answer...I will never tell you what direction you should choose! The path must be your decision..."
"A real mentor would never give you that advice...A real friend would not...the only time I would even hint at a path is if I saw it leading to your demise!"
"A real mentor? That is pretty egotistical of you!" I taunted...but I heard him...
...and he heard me!
"Egotistical? Let's talk about egos for a bit..."
As soon as I heard that and saw his sly smile, I knew that I had been blindfolded and lead directly into a trap!
"There are two kinds of egos...good ones and bad ones..."
"No...let me say that differently...there are two kinds of egos...those that are deserved and those that are not..."
I am using ego and confidence in the same context at this point in the discussion...
Each one of us has an ego...some self-image that we believe in and protect...
Some people have a justified ego and others do not...the size of the populations of each group is of no consequence to our thinking right now...but you can guess, and probably with accuracy, which group holds the greatetr number of people...
All egos are built...we may believe that some people are born with HUGE egos...but I have found that not to be the case...this is an entirely different discussion that we'll take up over "my rum" some evening...
Egos are necessery for one to be successful...but there must be substance behind what you believe in yourself...some of that belief, in fact most of it, should be built on prior success. It does not have to be experience on the path that you are walking...but it needs to hold definite lines of similarities.
A highly successful kidney surgeon has an ego related to kidney surgery...he may or may not be justified in his ego related to surgery alone however...he could be an absolute novice (having an unjustified ego) in other surgeries however...like brain surgery...but could be justified on a simple surgery like an appendectomy. There are right uses of one's ego and bad!
Egos should be guarded, because they are truely frail creatures...they must be constantly fed...or they will whither and die...they must be constantly analyzed...asking questions of it like has the world passed me up?
Never allow your past experience feed an ego for too long...because memories lose their nutirtional value quickly...yes...they have a shelf life...and an expiration date!
Although this sounds like an extreme psychological problem...everyone has multiple egos...unless of course he or she is so highly specialized that they only have one thing that they do...
But let's think about it for a moment...
This is why I am using ego and confidence in the same context...
You have a certain ego for public speaking...
another for driving in traffic...
another for leading people...
another your current career path...
another for the paths that you are contemplating taking...
You have an ego for math, science, cooking, fixing your car...
The list is nearly infinite...
Writers have an ego related to their ability to put words on paper...
Producers on gathering and justifying financial support...
Directors on taking words from paper and putting them into the mouths of people and then capturing them on film...
Each successful one knows that they can do a great job, in a way that noone else can!
Over time some writers learn how directors convert those words...and become great directors...and on and on...
That is where you are at...you are at a crossroad...and need to assess what kind of ego problem you have!
Do you have the right kind...? Which means are you warranted in choosing another path...
...or...
Do you have an inflated ego...filled with air and lacking any substance...?
Have you deluded yourself into believing that you are capable of things that you are not...
Has your delusion become so real to yourself that you have others believing it too?
The bottom-line of this discussion is for you to GET REAL!
The beauty of where you are standing at this juncture in your life is that you have an ego finely tuned to one of the choices...it is highly probably that the other paths may not be the best fit!
That is no miracle...the fact of the matter is...that at any point in your life...you have that set of choices...it usually doesn't become apparent until the choice is BIG! They are always there, to those who are astute enough to see them...
Another gift of this world is that very few things are really constant...you can use your choices to feed the other egos and prepare you for the "jump" from one path to another...
Just do not jump too soon...sometimes the gap is too large for you to traverse it...then guess what happens?
...FAILURE...
Where is your ego justified...where does it have substance and lacks delusion?
You have all three egos...
One of them is right...the other two have some growing up to do!
"One of them is the Right ego problem to have... "
"The other two are not and they lower you to the level of of the hoard of rabid lemmings!"
With that...he stopped talking...
I thought for just a moment...and realized that he had told me which job that he thought I should take...and I did! Not because he told me...but because he confirmed what I believed...
I have never regretted...his advice!
and more importantly...
His loyalty...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Something Big!
I have to admit that I loved it when he is wrong!
Not that I have a demented streak hidden deep within me...although some may accuse me of that because of my appreciation for the humor that I find, in the absurdity of many human behaviors...
It was not that he was ever wrong in a bad way...he normally under-estimated the outcome...
He was known for that...and everyone that knew him...knew that whereever he went or whatever he did...things got better...most often better than everyone...even he ever expected...that is a nice position to be in...
When he estimated "good"...it turned out GREAT!
Many would think that..but he was not a pessimist...in fact...just the opposite!
Everything he set out to do...became better...REALLY BETTER...I think that what he truely underestimated was not his efforts...but his own impact and ability to make change...
To the outside...he was humble and arrogant at the same time...
I believed that those simultaneous personality traits played into his estimating ability...
"I need to take him to a casino when he is feeling lucky" I thought, "we'll walk out millionaires!"
Despite all of the humbleness...to most people, he was an ominous being and well respected...
Yet he never took that seriously...in fact he never took himself seriously...or at least it appeared that way!
For those who were within "his circle," he was light and humorous...almost a clown...or a crazy professor...but deep down there was a constant and pointed seriousness...
...it was just that the outside world can NEVER be allowed to see that..."They may get the wrong message!" he would say...
...That single characteristic was only seen by the closest of those within his circle...
For the rest, the consistency of his atitude was amazing...he responded to set-backs and victories exactly the same...
While working...his pace was always the same...
When relaxing...he was the same...
I chalked all of that consistency up to either to experience and personal control or mood altering drugs! (actually not the latter! I used that to get a rise out of him.)
I was so excited to see that he had AGAIN under-estimated the length of his hiatus between assignments!
He had predicted that he had a "couple of months" to wrap up his loose ends...in fact his absence was only two weeks!
I heard the entry door to our offices slam and caught a glimpse of him carrying his small box of personal items back to his vacant office...
I smiled and realized that they never removed his nameplate from the door! They always do that immediately when "someone leaves"...I should have known! I am so narrow and literal sometimes! I have to be more observant and think in a broader context...I reminded myself!
In his normal way...everything that he "needed to wrap-up" was done in one week...he worked with a focused intensity...and sense of urgency...got them done...and then spent the next week depleting his rum reserves...which I somehow knew would never get to empty!
I hurriedly finished my daily routines and left my office to welcome him back...and tell him that he was wrong about how long he was going to be gone...and that it was really great to have him back!
I was about halfway to his office, in the hall, when he too walked out of his office and turned toward me...
His pace was far different from his normal saunter...it was a rushed and his usual smile was missing...and the intensity that I only saw in his eyes at offsite locations...was there...
It was a bit alarming...
More alarming was what happened when the distance became feet rather than yards...
"Hey boss! How are you doing today?" he congenially said.
"Great!" I replied...as I stopped...
and he kept walking...right past me!
"HEY!" I responded...
He immediately came to a stop...having realized that he had broken his normal character...he turn back and then I saw the "old him!"
"We'll talk later" he said in a reassuring voice, "Got to be busy...you never know who the next person to judge your performance is going to be..."
We laughed for a brief moment...at his words of wisdom...and he went on his way...
"Whew!" I responded..."He can't help himself...he always has some tidbit of wisdom to share!"
It was blatantly apparent that he was on a mission...a BIG mission...I couldn't wait to hear all about it!
The next six hours were the longest six hours that I ever lived through! I must have checked his office thirty or more times, it was as empty as it was before he returned and he was not sitting in his normal position, looking out the window...and contemplating great and brilliant things...
I had no idea where he disappeared to!
My office was located between most of the offices and the rest of the building...not many comings and goings occurred, without me being aware of them...I liked it that way...in fact, I chose that office just for that reason!
Many think that the "corner office" is the most important one...but during one conversation, we found the truth...corners are where seldom used tools are stored...so that they do not get in the way! Stay out of the corner...unless you have nothing of value to contribute to the moment...was our conclusion!
Upon his return, he took on a new character trait...he became a ghost! Everyone knew he was there...just not visable...almost paranormal!
I was about to give up on him for the day...when I heard the front door slam again and he reappeared in the hallway...I figured that he would scuttle back to his office to wrap up the day with his journal writing...but instead he walked straight down the hall, to my office...
I tried not to let on that I had been secretly waiting for him and that saw him. I made believe that I was intensely working...
He stood in the doorway for a few moments...and then said, "Hey boss...sorry about this morning...I had so many things to get moving...things happened quicker than the company or I anticipated..."
"I know...I wanted to point out that you were wrong again...and we are working together in weeks rather than the months you anticipated!" I said...and he just grinned...
"What brings you back so soon?" I inquired...
"It will be announced in the next couple of days...I am sworn to secrecy..." he replied...
Recognizing that this was my queue to confirm his confidence to prying ears, in a voice loud enough for all to hear...and to invite him to eat, I responded, "I will respect your commitment and I won't ask that again...how about we go out to dinner?"
"I appreciate that'" he replied, "How about a rain check on the dinner invite?"
With that he disappeared!
I was taken aback! This never happened in all of the time that I knew him! SOMETHING BIG IS UP!
I went home and after my domestic responsibilities, retired...and fell asleep reflecting on the days events...
I was startled back into consciousness, by the ringing of my bedside phone...as I searched around to put a stop to the noise...I also looked at the clock and saw that it was 3:07am...
I hope that it is a wrong number and the caller was someone that does not know me...because I do not want anyone who knows me think that I am capable of the swear words I was about to use...
But before I could start...I heard his voice..."Did I wake you up?"
"Ahhhhh...Yes!" I responded...
"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior today...it kept me up...now I can go to sleep..."
"Oh...OK...no problem," I confirmed...half asleep..."Good night!"
"Good night!" he said...sounding very relieved!
"Do you want to meet for breakfast?" I asked...
"Can't...got to go in early and get to work..." he responded...
"OK...see you sometime tomorrow...Great dreams!" and with that I hung up and tried to go back to my dreams...
...and tried...
...and tried....
...and tried!
It became apparent to me that something as menial as a simple change in a person's behavior can keep me from my second most favorite thing...sleep!
I finally fell back into unconsciouness shortly before the alarm was set to go off!
...
...
As I pulled into my parking spot I noticed that I his car was not there...yet...
I spent most of the day sifting through my email, looking for the announcement...
Every note caused me to jump, look and frown in disappointment.
I also waited for him to appear in my doorway...
I had seen that his car was in its spot...but he was not!
My PC made its familar beep, announcing the arrival of another disappointing email and almost the same time that the PC make that noise...he appeared at my door...
Do I turn and check the message or do I focus on my visitor...?
I decided that the email could wait! Unless the network AND my PC were destroyed by some catestrophe...that email would be there...the ghost would not!
"It is nice to have you back in the land of the living..." I said as a welcome...
"It is nice to be back" he cordially responded...
He scanned me as if he were looking for something...which made me rather uncomfortable...
Without my invitation he entered my office and sat down in a chair directly in front of my desk...normally he sat at the table out of the line of sight from peering eyes in the hallway...
"Have you read the announcement?" He asked
"No...I haven't received it yet..." I responded
"Look" he demanded...
And sure enough it was the one that just arrived...
I read it and was not surprised...
"So they are reorganizing again...that happens on a regular basis..."
"So my boss is moving up...that is great news...For him..."
"That it is...he'll do really well in his new position" he observed..."They asked my about that and I told them I thought that he would..."
"You know that I have always told the company that you would be good..."
"I hope that you estimating ability with me is as good as the rest of your estimations!"
"Of all of my estimations...this is one of the few that I can say will definitely exceed my calculations...but I have a reputation to uphold..."
"Don't let me down...OK?"
"Never...why would you say that?"
"Although the announcement indcated a few changes...I suspected that he was going to run the place until they could find a replacement...which often takes months...that was cool...we can make many of the changes we always dreamed of...before the next guy gets in...and then it would be up to him to carry them through..."
"So what are we going to with this opportunity that is afforded us?" I asked...
"What do you want to do?" He asked in reply..."It's your show for the next 6 months!They asked me to tell you that! I work for you now!"
"I knew that I had a month at most and he had told me that with the first two words out of his mouth! If I had only listened...I would have known days ago!"
"...I am so narrow and literal sometimes! I have to be more observant and think in a broader context...I reminded myself! Some lessons are harder to learn than others!
Not that I have a demented streak hidden deep within me...although some may accuse me of that because of my appreciation for the humor that I find, in the absurdity of many human behaviors...
It was not that he was ever wrong in a bad way...he normally under-estimated the outcome...
He was known for that...and everyone that knew him...knew that whereever he went or whatever he did...things got better...most often better than everyone...even he ever expected...that is a nice position to be in...
When he estimated "good"...it turned out GREAT!
Many would think that..but he was not a pessimist...in fact...just the opposite!
Everything he set out to do...became better...REALLY BETTER...I think that what he truely underestimated was not his efforts...but his own impact and ability to make change...
To the outside...he was humble and arrogant at the same time...
I believed that those simultaneous personality traits played into his estimating ability...
"I need to take him to a casino when he is feeling lucky" I thought, "we'll walk out millionaires!"
Despite all of the humbleness...to most people, he was an ominous being and well respected...
Yet he never took that seriously...in fact he never took himself seriously...or at least it appeared that way!
For those who were within "his circle," he was light and humorous...almost a clown...or a crazy professor...but deep down there was a constant and pointed seriousness...
...it was just that the outside world can NEVER be allowed to see that..."They may get the wrong message!" he would say...
...That single characteristic was only seen by the closest of those within his circle...
For the rest, the consistency of his atitude was amazing...he responded to set-backs and victories exactly the same...
While working...his pace was always the same...
When relaxing...he was the same...
I chalked all of that consistency up to either to experience and personal control or mood altering drugs! (actually not the latter! I used that to get a rise out of him.)
I was so excited to see that he had AGAIN under-estimated the length of his hiatus between assignments!
He had predicted that he had a "couple of months" to wrap up his loose ends...in fact his absence was only two weeks!
I heard the entry door to our offices slam and caught a glimpse of him carrying his small box of personal items back to his vacant office...
I smiled and realized that they never removed his nameplate from the door! They always do that immediately when "someone leaves"...I should have known! I am so narrow and literal sometimes! I have to be more observant and think in a broader context...I reminded myself!
In his normal way...everything that he "needed to wrap-up" was done in one week...he worked with a focused intensity...and sense of urgency...got them done...and then spent the next week depleting his rum reserves...which I somehow knew would never get to empty!
I hurriedly finished my daily routines and left my office to welcome him back...and tell him that he was wrong about how long he was going to be gone...and that it was really great to have him back!
I was about halfway to his office, in the hall, when he too walked out of his office and turned toward me...
His pace was far different from his normal saunter...it was a rushed and his usual smile was missing...and the intensity that I only saw in his eyes at offsite locations...was there...
It was a bit alarming...
More alarming was what happened when the distance became feet rather than yards...
"Hey boss! How are you doing today?" he congenially said.
"Great!" I replied...as I stopped...
and he kept walking...right past me!
"HEY!" I responded...
He immediately came to a stop...having realized that he had broken his normal character...he turn back and then I saw the "old him!"
"We'll talk later" he said in a reassuring voice, "Got to be busy...you never know who the next person to judge your performance is going to be..."
We laughed for a brief moment...at his words of wisdom...and he went on his way...
"Whew!" I responded..."He can't help himself...he always has some tidbit of wisdom to share!"
It was blatantly apparent that he was on a mission...a BIG mission...I couldn't wait to hear all about it!
The next six hours were the longest six hours that I ever lived through! I must have checked his office thirty or more times, it was as empty as it was before he returned and he was not sitting in his normal position, looking out the window...and contemplating great and brilliant things...
I had no idea where he disappeared to!
My office was located between most of the offices and the rest of the building...not many comings and goings occurred, without me being aware of them...I liked it that way...in fact, I chose that office just for that reason!
Many think that the "corner office" is the most important one...but during one conversation, we found the truth...corners are where seldom used tools are stored...so that they do not get in the way! Stay out of the corner...unless you have nothing of value to contribute to the moment...was our conclusion!
Upon his return, he took on a new character trait...he became a ghost! Everyone knew he was there...just not visable...almost paranormal!
I was about to give up on him for the day...when I heard the front door slam again and he reappeared in the hallway...I figured that he would scuttle back to his office to wrap up the day with his journal writing...but instead he walked straight down the hall, to my office...
I tried not to let on that I had been secretly waiting for him and that saw him. I made believe that I was intensely working...
He stood in the doorway for a few moments...and then said, "Hey boss...sorry about this morning...I had so many things to get moving...things happened quicker than the company or I anticipated..."
"I know...I wanted to point out that you were wrong again...and we are working together in weeks rather than the months you anticipated!" I said...and he just grinned...
"What brings you back so soon?" I inquired...
"It will be announced in the next couple of days...I am sworn to secrecy..." he replied...
Recognizing that this was my queue to confirm his confidence to prying ears, in a voice loud enough for all to hear...and to invite him to eat, I responded, "I will respect your commitment and I won't ask that again...how about we go out to dinner?"
"I appreciate that'" he replied, "How about a rain check on the dinner invite?"
With that he disappeared!
I was taken aback! This never happened in all of the time that I knew him! SOMETHING BIG IS UP!
I went home and after my domestic responsibilities, retired...and fell asleep reflecting on the days events...
I was startled back into consciousness, by the ringing of my bedside phone...as I searched around to put a stop to the noise...I also looked at the clock and saw that it was 3:07am...
I hope that it is a wrong number and the caller was someone that does not know me...because I do not want anyone who knows me think that I am capable of the swear words I was about to use...
But before I could start...I heard his voice..."Did I wake you up?"
"Ahhhhh...Yes!" I responded...
"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior today...it kept me up...now I can go to sleep..."
"Oh...OK...no problem," I confirmed...half asleep..."Good night!"
"Good night!" he said...sounding very relieved!
"Do you want to meet for breakfast?" I asked...
"Can't...got to go in early and get to work..." he responded...
"OK...see you sometime tomorrow...Great dreams!" and with that I hung up and tried to go back to my dreams...
...and tried...
...and tried....
...and tried!
It became apparent to me that something as menial as a simple change in a person's behavior can keep me from my second most favorite thing...sleep!
I finally fell back into unconsciouness shortly before the alarm was set to go off!
...
...
As I pulled into my parking spot I noticed that I his car was not there...yet...
I spent most of the day sifting through my email, looking for the announcement...
Every note caused me to jump, look and frown in disappointment.
I also waited for him to appear in my doorway...
I had seen that his car was in its spot...but he was not!
My PC made its familar beep, announcing the arrival of another disappointing email and almost the same time that the PC make that noise...he appeared at my door...
Do I turn and check the message or do I focus on my visitor...?
I decided that the email could wait! Unless the network AND my PC were destroyed by some catestrophe...that email would be there...the ghost would not!
"It is nice to have you back in the land of the living..." I said as a welcome...
"It is nice to be back" he cordially responded...
He scanned me as if he were looking for something...which made me rather uncomfortable...
Without my invitation he entered my office and sat down in a chair directly in front of my desk...normally he sat at the table out of the line of sight from peering eyes in the hallway...
"Have you read the announcement?" He asked
"No...I haven't received it yet..." I responded
"Look" he demanded...
And sure enough it was the one that just arrived...
I read it and was not surprised...
"So they are reorganizing again...that happens on a regular basis..."
"So my boss is moving up...that is great news...For him..."
"That it is...he'll do really well in his new position" he observed..."They asked my about that and I told them I thought that he would..."
"You know that I have always told the company that you would be good..."
"I hope that you estimating ability with me is as good as the rest of your estimations!"
"Of all of my estimations...this is one of the few that I can say will definitely exceed my calculations...but I have a reputation to uphold..."
"Don't let me down...OK?"
"Never...why would you say that?"
"Although the announcement indcated a few changes...I suspected that he was going to run the place until they could find a replacement...which often takes months...that was cool...we can make many of the changes we always dreamed of...before the next guy gets in...and then it would be up to him to carry them through..."
"So what are we going to with this opportunity that is afforded us?" I asked...
"What do you want to do?" He asked in reply..."It's your show for the next 6 months!They asked me to tell you that! I work for you now!"
"I knew that I had a month at most and he had told me that with the first two words out of his mouth! If I had only listened...I would have known days ago!"
"...I am so narrow and literal sometimes! I have to be more observant and think in a broader context...I reminded myself! Some lessons are harder to learn than others!
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