Who is the Hardest Person to be Honest with?

We had been spending quite a bit of time together talking about VERY deep and personal things...

The kind of things that if dwelled upon for too long...that bring tears to ones eyes...

The level of trust required to have discussions like the these took years to build.  It was mutually fostered and not due to his or my lack of trust.  Part of the exercise included finding things to talk about...which often was the most difficult of disucssions like these.  It is interesting to realize that many of the things that we write-off as insignificant...actually are ...and often VERY repressed!  It was, in truth, a multi-faceted exercise!  

Some of the topics were soft and cherished and others were dark and hidden...both types are often ignored since their occurance...because in our minds...didn't seem to matter at the time...

"It is a good thing to take inventory of one's life on a routine basis'" he would say. 

I think that he actually said those words to reassure himself...that it was a worthwhile exercise.  He called it REAL soul searching...

I learned to "soul search" from him...and refined the exercise over the years...

Unlike him, I no longer wait for some predetermined day to "review"...I now do so on a continuous basis...a daily list is much shorter and relevant than a quarterly list. 

I used to have a quarterly review too...

Then I realized something...

"It happened when we were talking about a kid that I grew up with..."

"He was the epitomy of a 95 pound weakling...and that was over-stating his weight and strength!"

"The kid was a whimp in every sense of the word...and over-compensated for his weakness, with his mouth..."

"I recalled that whenever he was in the presence of his parents or teachers or whenever he felt a level of safety and protection, his mouth became an uncontrolled weapon...it was the only weapon that he had!  It was a jaded weapon...not always cutting...but full of hollow words!"

"He had no other contribution, of any value to make, to anyone...or a claim to fame...he was bad at sports...although he believed that he was a varsity player!"

"He thought he was a great leader...he never lead anyone!"

"He never produced homework beyond mediocre...even though he believed he was an honor student!"

"BUT THAT MOUTH!"

"He was the king of insults and threats...but every one of them (the insults and digs) came under an umbrella of protection...he had no guts to stand on his own..."

"That mouth" hurt many kids...and threatened even more of them..."

"When he was outside his perceived "umbrella of protection" his mouth did a 180 degree flip and he blew smoke up people's backsides...but NEVER came through with his promises...he was not capable!"

"He boasted that he was one of the best "street fighters" in the city... Everyone that heard that statement just laughed...he had a hard time opening a jar of peanut butter...but he couldn't see it..."

"He believed that he was something...he allowed his own "hollow" words to convince him that he was of value..."

"I felt pity for him...I could see the truth...he couldn't..."

"Whenever possible, I let him tag along...and I often had to come to his defense...when that mouth of his got him into trouble...I guess that he saw me as one of his umbrellas of safety!"

"Then, I left my home town to seek my vision...he stayed...I think..."

"Years later I was asking what happened to him..."

"From the stories...he found himself outside his umbrella..."

"...actually he no longer had an umbrella of protection...he was alone and in the darkness...did I mention that he was scared of the dark?"

"He was forced to face his opponents...and live up to his threats and stand behind his words...(in reality...it was the truth about himself about himself that he faced)...or so the note said..."(more on that later)

"He tried blowing smoke...but the world was no longer willing to take that from him either...it laughed!"

"...and the world got him...he found that he was not a street fighter and that he had deluded himself into believing his capability...he had no claim to fame...no personal product...nothing to contribute...his family saw the truth about him...they felt pity...and the world ate him alive..."

"He was surrounded by his personal reality and had to face the truth of his capability..."

"...those he hurt and those he threatened got him...in a most vicious way...through indifference!"

"He was no "street fighter!"  He was a joke! AN OLD JOKE!"

"The truth was too much for him... He was found dead...ruled a suicide... ...and no one cared!" His final note confirmed the situation and his final decision...it was not his first attempt...so everything pointed to it...he was finally successful in something...

"After hearing the story...and for a time I wondered if it really was a suicide and that it was never investigated because the authorities and the world at large was glad that he was gone!"  Everyone loves a conspiracy...but the fact of the matter was...it was a suicide...

"His life was just like a joke...entertaining for a while...then obnoxious...then passe..."I heard that one before...don't waste my time any longer..."

"For most of his life, he couldn't see the truth...he lived in some self-deluded image of himself...he was as much to blame for his demise as the world's reaction to him...it actually made me sad and I had not realized it...the "fixer" in me...made me wish I would have been there for him..."

I was telling him about that...and he listened intently...

"That is an interesting story," he broke in.

"Have you ever had a boss like that?" I asked.

"Yes, I have...in fact many!" he smiled...

"The only difference, with them, is that they never came to the realization of their own capability and demoted themselves..."


"...or saved the company the trouble of demotion by committing suicide!"  He laughed!


"In a macabre way...that extreme should happen more often!"

"Maybe not suicide...but stepping down or aside...rather than struggling and fighting to keep position!  Many people are hurt by the fact that people refuse to accept reality..."

"Leadership is an interesting concept..."

"I do not believe that it is a skill that should stand on its own merit!"

"It is a side benefit!" 


"People have been lulled into believing that Leadership has value!" 

"I am not claiming that it doesn't...it does!" 

"But it is not valuable enough to be paid for alone!"


"Corporations do not see that...yet..."


"The day will come when they do!"


"AND that will definitely upset the corporate apple cart!"

"Let's chase this thought a bit deeper..."

"Leadership is like that commercial...PRICELESS!"


The world says..."You can't put a price on good leadership..."

"I wonder if they ever considered that one can't, because of its lack of measureable value?"


"I feel that "leadership" should be a prerequisite in every job...one of those HR imposed boiler-plate statements..." 


"There should not be a leadership job!"


"Walk up to your leader and ask..."what do you do besides leading?" 

"I bet he answers nothing...he'll answer that "leading is a full time job..." 

"Then ask him "How much $ does that make for the company?"   

"Really make?  By something that he uniquely does for the company!"


"Yet...Organizations currently pay for leadership..."

"Organizations refuse to see the research that goes back to the 1940s and has been refined over the years that shows that BIG salaries do not motivate jobs that require creativity (a leader's claim to fame) to perform better...in fact it often detracts!"

"Don't get me wrong...Money is an incentive to menial tasks...people "making the same widgets," over and over, perform better in relation to their pay...to a maximum capacity...then incentives fail again!"

"Perhaps that is why organizations are hard pressed to change...the leaders are subtly lead to believe that their jobs are "widget making" rather than dynamic and creative!"  

"It is so confusing..."

"At the lower levels they realize that every individual in an organization must contribute value equal to or exceeding their cost...to stay employed..."

"They have measureable standards...miss them and they are on probation...or worse...out the door!"

"I think that every leader should be held to that same standard!"

"They will claim that they do...things like growth...or contribution...or revenue...but those are not products..."

"I hold that EVERY leader needs to have a work product...that is the price of admission...for being a leader!"


"Every leader needs to contribute equal to or more than their cost...AND lead!"


"The standard to which the lower levels are held...(more or equal value) should also be the standard to which leadership is held...make it measureable and hold them to it!"

"Now let's take a side passage in this tunnel!"

"Leadership alone is of no value!"


"That is a scary statement!  Many "so-called" leaders will take exception with that position."


"Leadership is a benefit...but think about the reality!"


"A "so-called" leader gives an assignment to a subordinate...(the theory of delegation)...the subordinate completes the task...and the value from  the task is derived!"


"The leader gets credit...but take that leader out of the "delegation equaltion" and the value of the task is the same!"

"Delegation is a "widget" task!"

"You can automate "delegation!"  A leader's assignment is inconsequential!  NON-VALUE ADDED!"


"Look how much money that organizations could save by eliminating the "assignment givers-credit takers!"


"Organizations were on the right path when they began to "flatten" reporting structures.  They rid themselves of many of those useless people!  It scared many of the "useless/non-value added" positions!  The fight was vicious!  I loved watching that...and seeing how many "useless and downsized" top managers struggled to hold down a McDonalds job after being eliminated!  Showed me their real value!  That made me laugh in delight...I am a bit embarrassed by that response of mine...but I called it just reward!"


"I wish more of that would happen!"


"Profit margins will increase when organizations realize the TRUE value of leadership!"


"And use it (require it) in its proper context..."

"From an individual's prespective, leadership is an unalienable right..."

He stopped for a minute to revel in that statement!

"It is a given right to both, lead and be lead!" 

"A good leader has a right to lead..."

"People deserve to be lead properly..."

"It is a definite benefit to any organization that has good leadership!"


"It should be required by anyone who claims a leadership title..."


"If that philosophy prevailed...we would have few organizational issues..."


"Leaders must earn the right to be recognized as leaders..."


"Leaders must continually pay for the right to lead..."


"Not through the "assignment giving/credti-taking" interpretation of their job..."


"...but by a contribution that pays for their right to be there and be a leader!"


"If a leader does nothing but "assignment-giving/credit-taking" they are a cost to that organization that SHOULD BE ELIMINATED!"


"No product of value...no pay!"


"They do it to clerks pulling minimum wages...why not do it to leaders that have 6 figure incomes?"

Today's Issues

"The problem with most of today's leadership...when I come to think of it...is the same problem that your childhood friend had...they can't be honest with themselves..."


"The hardest person to be honest with is yourself!"


"People refuse to see themselves as they really are!"


"Talk about a major denial issue!"


"They blow up their egos...why?"

"They can't be honest with themselves or the real contributions!"

"Because if they faced reality...they would realize that their contributions are of NO VALUE!"

"I worked for a CEO that was at the right place at the right time and grew a business from a small operations center...he believed that it was his doing...but in reality anyone could have done what he was doing!" 

"It was sad...but he ruined many people's lives with his arrogance before he was seen for what he really was...and was fired!  To this day...he still thinks he was a great leader...and not just lucky!"

"When a person is like that..."

"The question becomes...why lead or why live?"


"These people waste a lot of an organization's money...and cost the consumers a ton of money in return!"


"Their true incompetence steals money from organizations!  These theives should be in prison...for theft and impersonating a leader!"


"I learned that long ago...during the war (WW-II)."


"The leaders that were worth anything...were those who carried a gun and used their share of ammunition...they lead their people into battle...not from the safety of behind...they were in front!  They caught as many if not more bullets than the people they lead...why...because they were in front...working!"


"Over the course of time...our side was running out of good leaders...so they assigned leaders from supply corps...people who only knew guns by their "supply code!"


"Although I was not witness to it...more of those leaders were casualties of allied caliber bullets, than axis calibers!  Fact of the matter was...they earned those bullets for their lack of contribution to the cause!  War is a funny thing...it brings out the REAL reactive behaviors in people...the things they wished they could do...but couldn't...because of socially accepted rules..."


"The sad thing was that many of these leaders never realized that they had fooled themselves into believing they were worth something...and that deception carried to their familes who got post humonous medals...and believe that their loved ones died heros..."


"These people deserve to know the truth...that their "heros" died shouting orders from the safety of an umbrella...far from harm's way...and got shot there...by a subordinate who had had enough of their "gutless" ranting!"


"Most of these leaders...saw the shots coming...and had more than sufficient time to react...but they couldn't use their guns!  They claimed to be soldiers...and were not...they hid in a uniform...but were fakes!  They were impersonating officers...and were never officers...they were at best clerks...but when I think about it...couldn't even do a clerk's job..."


"Perhaps they got what they deserved..."


"It is a sad thing that war-time, natural selection does not exist in organizations..."


"We have many people in many places...impersonating officers...and they do not possess the talent or ability to be clerks!  When they were clerks...they were failures...and they survived!"


"It saddened me then...and it does now!"


"What you described to me...your childhood acquaintence...is exactly the same condition that I saw during the war...and it lives in today's organizations..."


"You would think that we would learn...from our childhood experiences...or in times of crisis...or just from our own career experiences..but the "collective we" never learns!"


"Perhaps a REAL leader will stand up and say something that opens the eyes of organizations and they take a stand and rid themselves from that drain on money and resources..."


"It will kill our economy someday...it will kill many good organizations...many undeserving people will be hurt..."

Then he looked up and I saw tears...