Over the course of time our sessions grew more infrequent, until they seemed to stop.
I never worried about it as long as I knew that he was healthy and doing what he loved...
He was always there when I needed advice...in actuality it was when I needed someone to help me pull the answer from within...
It was strange...there would be times that months would pass, between our conversations, and they seemed to take off right where they left off...in fact, I began writing down the last few sentences of our conversations and I discovered that they actually did!
Time and distance made no impact on this relationship! It almost seemed other dimensional! I guess that strange was not a good descriptor...it was eerie!
Most of our contact, of late, was not for mentoring sessions or strategic discussions...but for answers to crossword puzzles! That is how we stayed in touch! He discovered that I had a passion for these puzzles and he went as far as to specifically find which ones I worked (daily) and would find local newspapers that had the same one!
He always told me that working the crossword puzzle and knowing that at some point during the day I was doing the same...kept up in "lock-step." It was his way of staying in touch without contact...unless he needed an answer!
English was his second language and he found it entertaining and challenging! Crossword puzzle hints gave him a deeper understanding of the meanings behind the words! He told me that his mind expanded logarithmically when he began trying to find the right word!
He also told me that much could be learned from what an individual does for entertainment or relaxation! A lot of an individual's true nature and abilities are exposed when they least expect it! Watch people closely!
Much can also be seen in what an individual does in excess...
The nature of an individual in found in the middle...their meaning is found at the extremes!
That elicited the image of a bell-curve whenever I heard him say that!
The most frequently occurring behaviors is driven by the nature...that is a person's habits...
What they truly are is shown by how far they go!
These thought were going through my mind as I contemplated an offer for a position with a company that required not only relocation but a totally different skill-set! I would have to say that it met every criteria for a "career change!"
What would he advise I thought?
The offer letter and my resignation sat next to each other on my desk...
Opportunities like this only come once in a lifetime! I need to take it...but...
I have NEVER done anything like that before in my life! Why did they come to me with this opportunity?
Perhaps he set this up...to test me!
If that is the case...there is something bigger in store for me after I decline the offer!
My mind ran every scenario...
None of them really made sense...
I called him and left voice messages...
I sent email...
He never really responded to either...so the silence was not disconcerting or directive!
It was just him!
I guess that I have to figure this out on my own...
Then my phone rang!
He voice as gruff as it was...was like a soothing salve!
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" I asked...
"Africa" he replied...I calculated the time difference and figured that depending where in Africa he was it was at least 3am!
Then he asked, "Did you work today's crossword?"
"Yes..." I impatiently retorted!
"What is the a pastoral spot?" he asked...
"How many letters?" I inquired...
"3" he laughed..."I thought you said you worked today's puzzle..."
"I did...that one was from 4 days ago!" I laughed back...
"Well?" he prodded...
"L-E-A" I responded...
"What the %$#@ is a lea?" he commented...
"A pastoral spot" I admonished...
"Thanks," he said, "Got that one done! Not bad huh?"
Then I thought about the location of that word on the puzzle...he knew that answer! It was a self-filling one! The horizontal clues we Greek and Latin and mathematics...he didn't need an answer! What is he up to!
"Glad I could help..." I said, "Have a productive trip...when are you coming back?"
"A couple of months" he responded...
"OK...I'll see you then" I said, "talk with you..."
"Hold on there Socrates...you figured me out!" he confessed "I didn't need that answer. But it was the only one I could remember! You are getting good!"
"So you want me to tell you whether you should take that job or not...right?" he inquired
"Yes..." I responded...
"So would you take that job if you didn't have one now?" He prodded...
"Absolutely! I have to eat!" came my immediate reply...
He laughed...one of those laughs that required a response! I tarried in the response...just to see where he was going with his thoughts...
In that "pregnant pause'" I heard his office chair squeak in the background...so I knew that he was "taking the position" I also heard the familiar click of the ice in his glass...knowing he was sipping "his rum" without me...but then...we are talking...It was time for me to listen...he was about to remove that sliver and release the answer that was within me!
"So my guess is that you received the offer letter today...and that it is on your desk sitting in front of you...just to your right. Just to the left of it...is your resignation...the one you and I typed up years ago...still unsigned..."
I had to admit to him that he was dead-on! "I wish that I could do that!" I commented...
"You can!" he replied..."But that is not for today...at least not right now!"
"This sounds like a MAJOR career change for you! That is an interesting topic..."
"I can make the argument that it is and is not on our development plan for you...so we can't use that!"
Have you changed since I last saw you?...DON'T ANSWER! I think not!
"So what are the reasons for taking this new position?"
He allowed me to talk for almost 15 minutes...and during that time I went over everything that I thought was on the "Plus/Minus" list...
He focused on more money...which was exactly not what I was thinking of!
He focused on the fact that this was a great company...but no better than the one that I was working for...
He went back to the money...and my comment about eating...and about how much better I could be eating...
He rambled so much that I actually hoped that he would stop and take a drink...but he didn't!
Then he stopped as abruptly as he started!
"I bet that you need a good lea!"
"What?" I asked
"A lea! A secluded and quiet pastoral spot to contemplate the future..."
"Oh...lea"...I said..."I thought you said..." and he laughed!"
"In reality the decision is yours and yours alone..."
"They pay you well..."
"You have your boss under control..."
"You grow and learn everyday..."
"There is no guarantee that it is going to be any better...just remember that..."
"From he who much is paid...much more is expected..."
"Is the change worth it?"
"I bet you could use a drink of my rum huh?" he asked
"I sure could!" I replied..."I can almost taste it..." but it is so nice just to talk with you...and off I went on a short exposition on how hard it is to make these decisions...and I wonder if they really mattered...
I look up and there he was...with a huge smile and two glasses!
"Here's to your decision" he toasted...
...and it was one of the best decisions I ever made!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
My Signature...
I was sitting at my desk...fulfilling one of my company required responsibilities...
Approving and signing invoices!
He sat there quietly...as I completed the last one and took it from the daily mountain...and scrutinized it as if it was his responsibility to double check my work!
After a few minutes he announced..."Today we are going to work on your signature!"
I grabbed one of the papers and looked at my signature...it seemed good to me...official and consistent with the next one on the top of the pile...but I was game for anything...I didn't have any commitments for the next 2 hours!
"That is great!" I replied, "let me get a note pad!"
Fighting writer's cramps from my prior exercise...I wrote my name again...on the top of the pad! and asked, "So what would you like to see changed?"
He sat back and laughed!
"Some times you are so literal...you would have made a great soldier...if it wasn't for your questioning every order's value!"
I knew that I had...AGAIN...gotten myself into something more than I had bargained for!
Tearing that page from the pad...I said, "Let's start over...you tell me!"
So he told me to put my pen down and let's talk about signatures for a moment!
"A signature is your name!...it is a representation of what you are...and many times the only thing that remains long after you are gone!"
"I was just going through some old papers at home and found "the Mrs'" signatures all over them...even though her writing was no where on the documents!...that is the signature that I am talking about!"
Your signature is your meaning and your value...it is what you stand for and what you want to be remembered for!
In a way...your signature is your epitaph! It survives long after you do!
"So my question is...What is your signature?" he re-questioned...
I started to talk...and he stopped me!
You can't tell me...you can write it down...but that is for you and you alone!
You have to show me!
That takes time...because one act does not a habit make!
That is the substance of your signature and the effects the impact!
"Have you thought about what your signature is?"
"Have you thought about how your signature is formed?"
"Have you thought about what people think when they see your signature?"
"Have you thought about whether your signature is written with permanent ink?"
"Will there be people who try to copy your signature? Is it unique enough for it to differentiate itself from the forgeries? Will they be seen as frauds and criminals?"
"You are your signature!"
"Is it clear and legible? Can people others read it and recognize it without much effort?"
"Does your signature tell a whole story and is it shallow and superficial or deep?"
"Do you get where we are going with all of this?" AND then he stopped!
After a few minutes of quiet contemplation...he looked at me with a smile and said..."NOW sign your pad!"
So, like a good soldier...I signed it again...and...
He gently took the pad...looked at it...
It is different!
You got the message!
************************
You need to watch this "oldie-but goodie!"
Your signature must come from your heart in order for it to last!
Approving and signing invoices!
He sat there quietly...as I completed the last one and took it from the daily mountain...and scrutinized it as if it was his responsibility to double check my work!
After a few minutes he announced..."Today we are going to work on your signature!"
I grabbed one of the papers and looked at my signature...it seemed good to me...official and consistent with the next one on the top of the pile...but I was game for anything...I didn't have any commitments for the next 2 hours!
"That is great!" I replied, "let me get a note pad!"
Fighting writer's cramps from my prior exercise...I wrote my name again...on the top of the pad! and asked, "So what would you like to see changed?"
He sat back and laughed!
"Some times you are so literal...you would have made a great soldier...if it wasn't for your questioning every order's value!"
I knew that I had...AGAIN...gotten myself into something more than I had bargained for!
Tearing that page from the pad...I said, "Let's start over...you tell me!"
So he told me to put my pen down and let's talk about signatures for a moment!
"A signature is your name!...it is a representation of what you are...and many times the only thing that remains long after you are gone!"
"I was just going through some old papers at home and found "the Mrs'" signatures all over them...even though her writing was no where on the documents!...that is the signature that I am talking about!"
Your signature is your meaning and your value...it is what you stand for and what you want to be remembered for!
In a way...your signature is your epitaph! It survives long after you do!
"So my question is...What is your signature?" he re-questioned...
I started to talk...and he stopped me!
You can't tell me...you can write it down...but that is for you and you alone!
You have to show me!
That takes time...because one act does not a habit make!
That is the substance of your signature and the effects the impact!
"Have you thought about what your signature is?"
"Have you thought about how your signature is formed?"
"Have you thought about what people think when they see your signature?"
"Have you thought about whether your signature is written with permanent ink?"
"Will there be people who try to copy your signature? Is it unique enough for it to differentiate itself from the forgeries? Will they be seen as frauds and criminals?"
"You are your signature!"
"Is it clear and legible? Can people others read it and recognize it without much effort?"
"Does your signature tell a whole story and is it shallow and superficial or deep?"
"Do you get where we are going with all of this?" AND then he stopped!
After a few minutes of quiet contemplation...he looked at me with a smile and said..."NOW sign your pad!"
So, like a good soldier...I signed it again...and...
He gently took the pad...looked at it...
It is different!
You got the message!
************************
You need to watch this "oldie-but goodie!"
Your signature must come from your heart in order for it to last!
My Competition...
The time had come for me to ask about the other person that he was mentoring! I had to know where I stood relative to him AND what my mentor was thinking about me! I hate being second best!
I did not know who he (my competition) was...where he worked...what he did...and so on!
How can you compete with someone, if you do not know anything about your competition! To me that was like fighting shadows in the dark!
I committed to asking him those details as soon as possible...and how I ranked relative to them...it seemed like the next thing that I should be doing!
The opportunity came within the same day of my epiphany! As is always the case...it was too soon and I felt unprepared!
He was in town...so we met at his apartment...to savor some of "his rum!" the "bootie" that he gathered during his last junket!
Gathering the nerve to ask...actually after consuming enough of his elixir to make me forget that I was uncomfortable...I asked..."How do I rate compared to the other guy he was mentoring!"
His response was nearly automatic, "There is no competition!"
I felt relieved for about 3 seconds...then I thought about what he had just said!
"You mean that compared to me...there is no competition?" I hoped!
"NO!" he tersely replied...
I crashed!
"I said..." he reiterated..."There is no competition!"
He could see, by the look on my face, that I was slightly confused! So he leaned back in his chair and took his mentor stance...
"One of the strengths of "you American people" is your competitive spirit! It is also one of your greatest weaknesses!"
"Your strength becomes your weakness when it is improperly focused!"
"I do not mentor 2 people to compare them..."
"You do not compete with each other...for my attention" "That sounds like a sibling rivalry..." "That is something that should be cast off when you reach adulthood!"
I mentally stepped back for a moment! I may have gotten myself into a discussion that I did not want!
"From my perspective..." He continued...
"The other (from this point forward is how he addressed him) will be running a large company in a few years!" (side note: He did! AND VERY effectively)
"You will make a larger impact on many organizations!"
"His will be soon..."
"You will not bear fruit for many years!" You will come to fruition in the 21st century!
You are my investment! The other is my immediate return!
Mentoring is like creating an investment portfolio! It must be balanced! You need something to live on and something for the future!
"Along the path...you both will make critical mistakes...and will learn from them!" Every step of the way will be a struggle..."
"He will be successful in his right...because he ultimately looks out for himself" I would not go up against him in his world...because he will win...
I would not go up against you in your game...I would not win!
"You will be successful, because you focus is on what is right...that is part of your soul!"
Comparing you too is like putting a "boxer" and a "fencer" in a ring and telling them to have at it!
"Perhaps when I look deeper...there is a competition...but it is not you against him...it is you against yourself!"
"When I look at it that way...one of you are definitely winning the race!" AND it is the RIGHT you! You refuse to compromise...but find a way to make compromise a win/win situation..."
"You are very good at that!" "You are not afraid to lose!...because you learn...and then everyone wins!"
"You are not afraid to be wrong...so that the other person is right!"
"From that perspective...you are winning!"..."Your race!"
"His game is different...his rules are different!"
"From his perspective...given his rules...he is winning his fight!" "I wouldn't waste my time with a loser!"
"So in a VERY circular way...there is no competition! Yet there is...do you know what I mean?"
"An undefeated champion picks the races that he runs in...so that the risk of losing is low...or he controls the race to minimize the risk...or he prepares so that he knows he will win...or he gives it everything he has...so that he knows he did his best...through winning..."
"You both do that in different measures!"
"Different strategies with the same results!"
"If you did differently than from the way you were programmed...then you would be compromising yourself...that is what is important!"
"You two are governed by your set of rules! You two will be in different arenas and will NEVER run against each other!"
"There is no competition...no shut up and have another drink!"
"We have important things to talk about!"
And our conversation changed to the weather!
I did not know who he (my competition) was...where he worked...what he did...and so on!
How can you compete with someone, if you do not know anything about your competition! To me that was like fighting shadows in the dark!
I committed to asking him those details as soon as possible...and how I ranked relative to them...it seemed like the next thing that I should be doing!
The opportunity came within the same day of my epiphany! As is always the case...it was too soon and I felt unprepared!
He was in town...so we met at his apartment...to savor some of "his rum!" the "bootie" that he gathered during his last junket!
Gathering the nerve to ask...actually after consuming enough of his elixir to make me forget that I was uncomfortable...I asked..."How do I rate compared to the other guy he was mentoring!"
His response was nearly automatic, "There is no competition!"
I felt relieved for about 3 seconds...then I thought about what he had just said!
"You mean that compared to me...there is no competition?" I hoped!
"NO!" he tersely replied...
I crashed!
"I said..." he reiterated..."There is no competition!"
He could see, by the look on my face, that I was slightly confused! So he leaned back in his chair and took his mentor stance...
"One of the strengths of "you American people" is your competitive spirit! It is also one of your greatest weaknesses!"
"Your strength becomes your weakness when it is improperly focused!"
"I do not mentor 2 people to compare them..."
"You do not compete with each other...for my attention" "That sounds like a sibling rivalry..." "That is something that should be cast off when you reach adulthood!"
I mentally stepped back for a moment! I may have gotten myself into a discussion that I did not want!
"From my perspective..." He continued...
"The other (from this point forward is how he addressed him) will be running a large company in a few years!" (side note: He did! AND VERY effectively)
"You will make a larger impact on many organizations!"
"His will be soon..."
"You will not bear fruit for many years!" You will come to fruition in the 21st century!
You are my investment! The other is my immediate return!
Mentoring is like creating an investment portfolio! It must be balanced! You need something to live on and something for the future!
"Along the path...you both will make critical mistakes...and will learn from them!" Every step of the way will be a struggle..."
"He will be successful in his right...because he ultimately looks out for himself" I would not go up against him in his world...because he will win...
I would not go up against you in your game...I would not win!
"You will be successful, because you focus is on what is right...that is part of your soul!"
Comparing you too is like putting a "boxer" and a "fencer" in a ring and telling them to have at it!
"Perhaps when I look deeper...there is a competition...but it is not you against him...it is you against yourself!"
"When I look at it that way...one of you are definitely winning the race!" AND it is the RIGHT you! You refuse to compromise...but find a way to make compromise a win/win situation..."
"You are very good at that!" "You are not afraid to lose!...because you learn...and then everyone wins!"
"You are not afraid to be wrong...so that the other person is right!"
"From that perspective...you are winning!"..."Your race!"
"His game is different...his rules are different!"
"From his perspective...given his rules...he is winning his fight!" "I wouldn't waste my time with a loser!"
"So in a VERY circular way...there is no competition! Yet there is...do you know what I mean?"
"An undefeated champion picks the races that he runs in...so that the risk of losing is low...or he controls the race to minimize the risk...or he prepares so that he knows he will win...or he gives it everything he has...so that he knows he did his best...through winning..."
"You both do that in different measures!"
"Different strategies with the same results!"
"If you did differently than from the way you were programmed...then you would be compromising yourself...that is what is important!"
"You two are governed by your set of rules! You two will be in different arenas and will NEVER run against each other!"
"There is no competition...no shut up and have another drink!"
"We have important things to talk about!"
And our conversation changed to the weather!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The Critical and Often Missing Element in High Performance
On Vision
“WHY DO SOME TEAMS EXCEL AND OTHERS MUDDLE?”
I was deep in thought…pondering some issue…far from the present day’s needs…
“Where did that thought come from?” I asked myself. Then I realized that the question came from behind me and that realization startled me!
In a way it felt like that brief moment between full consciousness and deep sleep…when then 2 are inseparably merged…my world of dreams and the noise of reality!
“Which one do I succumb to?” I thought…
I heard and recognized the voice…I comprehended the question…
I resisted the need to join his dimension, but the encounters were so infrequent…and each lead to a new discovery about myself or the world around me…that I ceded…and turned to him!
“GOOD MORNING!” I replied, “What brings you here today?”
“That question!” he replied, “So? What is the difference?”
As always I gave him my answer…”The team composition!”
I realized that today was going to be one of those days that I would discover that I am doing the right things…just didn’t know what I was doing!
“Are you sure?” he smiled, “I remember a long time ago you said something that I have ever forgotten…it went something like…professing to see, they themselves are the most blind…”
Now I knew I was in trouble!
Look at your team, Look at my team! They excel at everything they do!
Are they the best in the industry?
I knew these were rhetorical questions…so I kept my mouth shut and listened!
They believe that they are…but in reality…on an individual basis…they are mediocre at best! There are many people much better than any one of them!
What differentiates them is success…! Their performance!
Success is not the end…it is not a quality characteristic…but is a component of the process…
Remember what we talked about a long time ago…it is all about controlled collisions!
We can obtain success in one of two ways…first one can meet the required performance, or second, one can redefine the required performance so that they achieve it…
The recipe for high performance is simple I now thought…2 parts activity…1 part definition of success!
Have you considered that high performance has little to do with the team and more to do with the leader?
Someone has to be there to show the team where and when to collide!
Someone must define success! That definition can not come from the player…otherwise you have “the fox watching the henhouse!”
If those two components are missing…then they run around aimlessly!
“Got it and I wholeheartedly agree!” I said…
BUT…Good leadership not only points the team in the direction of the goal line…they do much more…“Do you agree?”
The purpose of the team is to trust and execute.
And to take the direction and adjustments…and re-execute!
A leader’s job is more difficult than setting a goal and watching…sometimes they have to do more work than the actual activity!
It is about ensuring the success! It is about clearing the paths for them and addressing what they can not and should not!
It is the broad perspective and oversight…that reveals the entire path…just not the “tasks at hand!”
True Vision is a rare talent…it is precious!
Many delude themselves into believing that they have vision…or can acquire it…that is even rarer!
This takes me back to your comment…”professing to see, they themselves are the most blind…”
Vision is not an acquired skill! It is a gift! You either have it…or you do not!
True vision is a rare gift!
Very few who have it ever rise to a position where it benefits the group to which they belong!
More often than not…they become suppressed, outcasts…or killed!
It is only after “It is too late” that the vision they possessed is recognized for what it was!
Look at the prophets…or the great philosophers (like Socrates)! Executed for being heretics…then later lauded for their insight!
How sad!
Most people in positions of power…guard their position, rather than what they should be protecting!
As a result, they steal the vision of their underlings…and claim it as their own!
Other dispel “visionaries” as “witches” in order to ensure that their weaknesses are not apparent!
They purport to be visionaries, themselves, based upon their results, not realizing that they were simply the recipients of good fortune within a random scheme!
They create mutual visionary societies…in which they gather other vision-less individuals from the world around…to bolster their position!
How sad!
Teams, groups, organizations and societies that lack true vision are on a path of destruction…those that refuse it, have accelerated their demise!
Those that seek it and embrace it…may encounter a painful reality…but they benefit in the long run!
No one has perfect vision…to some extent everyone (even the most gifted visionaries) are blind…the extent to which they are blind is based upon their recognition of their short-sightedness! Real visionaries seek more keen vision from outside their ranks and welcome the vistas!
Vision is a choice!
One can choose to look inward…or look outward!
One can choose to stay within their own world of thoughts…or come back to reality and listen to the outside voices…
I think that you chose well!
Welcome to REALITY!
“WHY DO SOME TEAMS EXCEL AND OTHERS MUDDLE?”
I was deep in thought…pondering some issue…far from the present day’s needs…
“Where did that thought come from?” I asked myself. Then I realized that the question came from behind me and that realization startled me!
In a way it felt like that brief moment between full consciousness and deep sleep…when then 2 are inseparably merged…my world of dreams and the noise of reality!
“Which one do I succumb to?” I thought…
I heard and recognized the voice…I comprehended the question…
I resisted the need to join his dimension, but the encounters were so infrequent…and each lead to a new discovery about myself or the world around me…that I ceded…and turned to him!
“GOOD MORNING!” I replied, “What brings you here today?”
“That question!” he replied, “So? What is the difference?”
As always I gave him my answer…”The team composition!”
I realized that today was going to be one of those days that I would discover that I am doing the right things…just didn’t know what I was doing!
“Are you sure?” he smiled, “I remember a long time ago you said something that I have ever forgotten…it went something like…professing to see, they themselves are the most blind…”
Now I knew I was in trouble!
Look at your team, Look at my team! They excel at everything they do!
Are they the best in the industry?
I knew these were rhetorical questions…so I kept my mouth shut and listened!
They believe that they are…but in reality…on an individual basis…they are mediocre at best! There are many people much better than any one of them!
What differentiates them is success…! Their performance!
Success is not the end…it is not a quality characteristic…but is a component of the process…
Remember what we talked about a long time ago…it is all about controlled collisions!
We can obtain success in one of two ways…first one can meet the required performance, or second, one can redefine the required performance so that they achieve it…
The recipe for high performance is simple I now thought…2 parts activity…1 part definition of success!
Have you considered that high performance has little to do with the team and more to do with the leader?
Someone has to be there to show the team where and when to collide!
Someone must define success! That definition can not come from the player…otherwise you have “the fox watching the henhouse!”
If those two components are missing…then they run around aimlessly!
“Got it and I wholeheartedly agree!” I said…
BUT…Good leadership not only points the team in the direction of the goal line…they do much more…“Do you agree?”
The purpose of the team is to trust and execute.
And to take the direction and adjustments…and re-execute!
A leader’s job is more difficult than setting a goal and watching…sometimes they have to do more work than the actual activity!
It is about ensuring the success! It is about clearing the paths for them and addressing what they can not and should not!
It is the broad perspective and oversight…that reveals the entire path…just not the “tasks at hand!”
True Vision is a rare talent…it is precious!
Many delude themselves into believing that they have vision…or can acquire it…that is even rarer!
This takes me back to your comment…”professing to see, they themselves are the most blind…”
Vision is not an acquired skill! It is a gift! You either have it…or you do not!
True vision is a rare gift!
Very few who have it ever rise to a position where it benefits the group to which they belong!
More often than not…they become suppressed, outcasts…or killed!
It is only after “It is too late” that the vision they possessed is recognized for what it was!
Look at the prophets…or the great philosophers (like Socrates)! Executed for being heretics…then later lauded for their insight!
How sad!
Most people in positions of power…guard their position, rather than what they should be protecting!
As a result, they steal the vision of their underlings…and claim it as their own!
Other dispel “visionaries” as “witches” in order to ensure that their weaknesses are not apparent!
They purport to be visionaries, themselves, based upon their results, not realizing that they were simply the recipients of good fortune within a random scheme!
They create mutual visionary societies…in which they gather other vision-less individuals from the world around…to bolster their position!
How sad!
Teams, groups, organizations and societies that lack true vision are on a path of destruction…those that refuse it, have accelerated their demise!
Those that seek it and embrace it…may encounter a painful reality…but they benefit in the long run!
No one has perfect vision…to some extent everyone (even the most gifted visionaries) are blind…the extent to which they are blind is based upon their recognition of their short-sightedness! Real visionaries seek more keen vision from outside their ranks and welcome the vistas!
Vision is a choice!
One can choose to look inward…or look outward!
One can choose to stay within their own world of thoughts…or come back to reality and listen to the outside voices…
I think that you chose well!
Welcome to REALITY!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
A Birthday to Remember…
I had set my calendar to remind me that his birthday was coming up…
I wanted to get him something VERY special, as recognition for the role he had been playing in my life and my career…and because I thought that it would be the only present that he would be getting!
It wasn’t that he didn’t have a lot of people in his life…or that no one was appreciative for the great and wonderful things that he has done for them…in fact the exact opposite was true!
When you looked at him…it never crossed your mind that he had a birthday! Icons are like that!
They come into existence by some mystical means…and that is that!
Actually, he was not very open with the personal aspects of his life. He never said, “My birthday is coming up!”
It took me years to squeeze that tiny bit of information from him…
For years, the most I knew was his Chinese sign! That simply gave me the year of his birth! We were at a Chinese restaurant, celebrating the close of another project…toasting to the intelligence of the organization we served…he with his green tea and me with sake! As I set my cup down…I noticed the place mat had the Chinese astrological signs printed on it…I scanned across it and declared…”I am a monkey!”
He replied, “I could have told you that without looking at the placemat!”
I wondered if he was referring to the sign, but I wasn’t going to let on that he got a dig in!
I didn’t press him for his sign…but I did watch as his finger ran each of the columns and hesitated at one spot in particular!
Not to be overly apparent...I paralleled his motions with just my eyes…did some simple math…and AHA!
OK…I thought…I have the year…now all I need is the month and the day!
That would take the subversive work of a top CIA operative! He would not tell me!
I was finally able to coerece an individual in the Employee Relations department to look in his file and in almost a humorous way…played higher and lower…and 20 questions…until I hit on the exact day!
In truth, she never told me either…she just never told me I was wrong…when I hit it!
I remember when he first realized that I knew his birthday…
I never let on that something special was planned…he was in town…so I asked if he wanted to go to dinner!
It was a dive…but it had great food…we frequented it almost every time he was in town…I think he felt it was a safe and secluded place to eat…he would never be bothered there…
We met at the appointed time and were seated at our regular table…
The waiter asked if we wanted anything other than the regular…we both nodded…
I added…bring us a bottle of rum…some ice and two glasses…
He interrupted…”Bring me water” and he scowled at me…
I said…”Bring the rum…”
Little did he know that I had gotten a bottle of “his rum” and had pre-arranged for its presence at our table!
He was quiet! I had the feeling that he knew that something was brewing! I did my best not to smile (which is hard for me to do)!
The waiter soon returned…bottle, glasses and ice in hand…
My guest looked at the bottle and said…”I knew that this place was phenomenal…If I had only known that they served it…I would probably be an alcoholic! You can’t get that in the US!”
The waiter said…”We do not have this rum in stock…” and walked away!
He asked, ”You did…this didn’t you?”
Smiled and admitted to the dastardly crime…
“Why?” he prodded…
Because it is your birthday…I proudly announced!
I truly did not comprehend the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde” until that moment!
The relatively soft demeanor turned to a frenzied anger…that I hoped was staged!
How did you find out my birthday? All I have ever let you know was my birth year…Do you remember? At that Chinese restaurant? When I pointed to it on that placemat! I saw you look!
What else do you know about me?
I said, “Nothing!”
“Good answer” he smiled! “I would have to torture and kill you and I would enjoy that!”
It was funny…I halfway believed him!
I poured and we toasted to his health life…ate and closed that night with a few poorly sung renditions of his favorite songs…joined in of course by the staff and clientele of this lowly establishment!
What a birthday! I wish I could better that one…He laughed! He did not laugh enough from my perspective!
But you never have a second chance at a first impression…so the best that I can hope for is to add to it!
My thoughts were interrupted by my assistant, who was delivering the day’s mail!
Among the advertisements were a letter, that was totally unexpected…
I opened it and pulled out a small piece of paper…on it was scribbled…
Phil,
I know that you are struggling to find that perfect gift for me this year…
I know that you are busy…so I have taken the liberty to get it and send it to you…
You probably noticed that there are airline tickets in the envelope too! (I hadn’t)
Would you take a couple of days and celebrate with me at my home!
I have not done that in years…I need to do that
Besides…we need to catch up…
I looked into the envelope and just as he wrote...there were tickets!
I called my assistant back into my office and we rearranged my schedule to that I could travel!
The trip was horrendous! Three plane changes, two delays, and a suicidal cab driver in a car of unrecognizable heritage…
The driver triumphantly announced that we had arrived at my destination!
I thought under my breath that he had better appreciate what I just went through to get here!
We turned a corner and his home was just as I had pictured…a sprawling villa on the shores of the Mediterranean!
The driver jumped from the car and opened the gate…drove through…re-latched the gate…and proceeded to drive around the villa and up to a meager cottage that was planted between the villa and the ocean!
Before I could even open the door…it was opened for me!
“WELCOME to my home!” he proclaimed…
“Thank you! Happy Birthday!” I returned.
He also thanked the driver…paid him and sent him on his way…
We enter his home…
“Is this what you thought it would be like?” He questioned…
“Sort of” I responded, “I really hadn’t envisioned anything…”
“We’ll talk about that me later…go get cleaned-up...I want to hear all about you!”
I seriously expected a massive library, filled with all of the original copies of the classics, an elegant den…fountains…he deserved it…but I would never let on that I was disappointed…it would crush him! Especially after he told me that this place was in his family for generations!
I went to my small room and fell on the bed exhausted…and napped for hours…
I woke startled…at first not remembering where I was…then I realized that I had slept most of his birthday away!
I rushed and bathed…and walked into a small central room of this cottage…he sat in a comfy looking couch…classical music played in the background…he looked up from his reading…
I began to apologize…yet before I could, he said, “Did you nap well?”
“I bet you were beat! Those flights are terrible! It takes me days to recover!”
He rose and motioned me to follow him…we stepped around the corner into a small kitchen…a lady stood at the stove. We were introduced and he explained that she has been a loyal helper and has with the family for as long as he could remember. We then sat at a small table and she presented a multi-course meal, “fit for royalty!”
I complimented her by saying that this is a wonderful celebration meal! She looked at me quizzically and was dismissed…”That will be all you need to do today! We’ll clean up!” She left!
We then returned to the other room sat and talked for the last remaining hours of his special day!
Slightly before midnight, I asked if we could toast to his day…
He smiled and said…today is about you…we can save that for my birthday…tomorrow!
I looked at my calendar watch and also quickly scanned my memory for the position of the International Date Line…nothing made sense!
He smiled and explained, “I made a accidently declared my birthday a day early when I filled out my HR paperwork…so that I would know where the leak came from!”
Without missing a step he continued “It has been a long evening…let’s retire and rise early…I have so much to show you!”
And with that we went to our rooms…He snored throughout the night…and I laughed at how I had been part of a very subtle and humorous test!
“Everything you do should be done in such a way as that it is set up to provide information that gives to a better decision set to work with in the future”…he told me and now I knew what he meant…at least in part!
The next morning we rose and walked the beach!
The whole day was dedicated to his real birthday!
Most of the time we talked about what was next on his plate…and why he was doing it!
It was interesting…
…He never spent more than a minute or two on himself!
…Most of time he asked questions…today was different…almost everything was based in statements!
…I liked hearing about him…sometimes he even reflected and gave me brief glimpses into his past! It was amazing!
The next day I had to leave…before we did…he asked if I wanted to walk the grounds of the villa!
“Can we?” I asked…
“Sure” he replied…
And we did…
As we stood on a pillar surrounded, open-air patio…and listened to the sea…I asked, “Who owns this place?”
“I do!” he replied, “It’s where the staff lives!”
“It was the Mrs' idea...we traded places with them long ago…They deserve to live there!”
I wanted to get him something VERY special, as recognition for the role he had been playing in my life and my career…and because I thought that it would be the only present that he would be getting!
It wasn’t that he didn’t have a lot of people in his life…or that no one was appreciative for the great and wonderful things that he has done for them…in fact the exact opposite was true!
When you looked at him…it never crossed your mind that he had a birthday! Icons are like that!
They come into existence by some mystical means…and that is that!
Actually, he was not very open with the personal aspects of his life. He never said, “My birthday is coming up!”
It took me years to squeeze that tiny bit of information from him…
For years, the most I knew was his Chinese sign! That simply gave me the year of his birth! We were at a Chinese restaurant, celebrating the close of another project…toasting to the intelligence of the organization we served…he with his green tea and me with sake! As I set my cup down…I noticed the place mat had the Chinese astrological signs printed on it…I scanned across it and declared…”I am a monkey!”
He replied, “I could have told you that without looking at the placemat!”
I wondered if he was referring to the sign, but I wasn’t going to let on that he got a dig in!
I didn’t press him for his sign…but I did watch as his finger ran each of the columns and hesitated at one spot in particular!
Not to be overly apparent...I paralleled his motions with just my eyes…did some simple math…and AHA!
OK…I thought…I have the year…now all I need is the month and the day!
That would take the subversive work of a top CIA operative! He would not tell me!
I was finally able to coerece an individual in the Employee Relations department to look in his file and in almost a humorous way…played higher and lower…and 20 questions…until I hit on the exact day!
In truth, she never told me either…she just never told me I was wrong…when I hit it!
I remember when he first realized that I knew his birthday…
I never let on that something special was planned…he was in town…so I asked if he wanted to go to dinner!
It was a dive…but it had great food…we frequented it almost every time he was in town…I think he felt it was a safe and secluded place to eat…he would never be bothered there…
We met at the appointed time and were seated at our regular table…
The waiter asked if we wanted anything other than the regular…we both nodded…
I added…bring us a bottle of rum…some ice and two glasses…
He interrupted…”Bring me water” and he scowled at me…
I said…”Bring the rum…”
Little did he know that I had gotten a bottle of “his rum” and had pre-arranged for its presence at our table!
He was quiet! I had the feeling that he knew that something was brewing! I did my best not to smile (which is hard for me to do)!
The waiter soon returned…bottle, glasses and ice in hand…
My guest looked at the bottle and said…”I knew that this place was phenomenal…If I had only known that they served it…I would probably be an alcoholic! You can’t get that in the US!”
The waiter said…”We do not have this rum in stock…” and walked away!
He asked, ”You did…this didn’t you?”
Smiled and admitted to the dastardly crime…
“Why?” he prodded…
Because it is your birthday…I proudly announced!
I truly did not comprehend the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde” until that moment!
The relatively soft demeanor turned to a frenzied anger…that I hoped was staged!
How did you find out my birthday? All I have ever let you know was my birth year…Do you remember? At that Chinese restaurant? When I pointed to it on that placemat! I saw you look!
What else do you know about me?
I said, “Nothing!”
“Good answer” he smiled! “I would have to torture and kill you and I would enjoy that!”
It was funny…I halfway believed him!
I poured and we toasted to his health life…ate and closed that night with a few poorly sung renditions of his favorite songs…joined in of course by the staff and clientele of this lowly establishment!
What a birthday! I wish I could better that one…He laughed! He did not laugh enough from my perspective!
But you never have a second chance at a first impression…so the best that I can hope for is to add to it!
My thoughts were interrupted by my assistant, who was delivering the day’s mail!
Among the advertisements were a letter, that was totally unexpected…
I opened it and pulled out a small piece of paper…on it was scribbled…
Phil,
I know that you are struggling to find that perfect gift for me this year…
I know that you are busy…so I have taken the liberty to get it and send it to you…
You probably noticed that there are airline tickets in the envelope too! (I hadn’t)
Would you take a couple of days and celebrate with me at my home!
I have not done that in years…I need to do that
Besides…we need to catch up…
I looked into the envelope and just as he wrote...there were tickets!
I called my assistant back into my office and we rearranged my schedule to that I could travel!
The trip was horrendous! Three plane changes, two delays, and a suicidal cab driver in a car of unrecognizable heritage…
The driver triumphantly announced that we had arrived at my destination!
I thought under my breath that he had better appreciate what I just went through to get here!
We turned a corner and his home was just as I had pictured…a sprawling villa on the shores of the Mediterranean!
The driver jumped from the car and opened the gate…drove through…re-latched the gate…and proceeded to drive around the villa and up to a meager cottage that was planted between the villa and the ocean!
Before I could even open the door…it was opened for me!
“WELCOME to my home!” he proclaimed…
“Thank you! Happy Birthday!” I returned.
He also thanked the driver…paid him and sent him on his way…
We enter his home…
“Is this what you thought it would be like?” He questioned…
“Sort of” I responded, “I really hadn’t envisioned anything…”
“We’ll talk about that me later…go get cleaned-up...I want to hear all about you!”
I seriously expected a massive library, filled with all of the original copies of the classics, an elegant den…fountains…he deserved it…but I would never let on that I was disappointed…it would crush him! Especially after he told me that this place was in his family for generations!
I went to my small room and fell on the bed exhausted…and napped for hours…
I woke startled…at first not remembering where I was…then I realized that I had slept most of his birthday away!
I rushed and bathed…and walked into a small central room of this cottage…he sat in a comfy looking couch…classical music played in the background…he looked up from his reading…
I began to apologize…yet before I could, he said, “Did you nap well?”
“I bet you were beat! Those flights are terrible! It takes me days to recover!”
He rose and motioned me to follow him…we stepped around the corner into a small kitchen…a lady stood at the stove. We were introduced and he explained that she has been a loyal helper and has with the family for as long as he could remember. We then sat at a small table and she presented a multi-course meal, “fit for royalty!”
I complimented her by saying that this is a wonderful celebration meal! She looked at me quizzically and was dismissed…”That will be all you need to do today! We’ll clean up!” She left!
We then returned to the other room sat and talked for the last remaining hours of his special day!
Slightly before midnight, I asked if we could toast to his day…
He smiled and said…today is about you…we can save that for my birthday…tomorrow!
I looked at my calendar watch and also quickly scanned my memory for the position of the International Date Line…nothing made sense!
He smiled and explained, “I made a accidently declared my birthday a day early when I filled out my HR paperwork…so that I would know where the leak came from!”
Without missing a step he continued “It has been a long evening…let’s retire and rise early…I have so much to show you!”
And with that we went to our rooms…He snored throughout the night…and I laughed at how I had been part of a very subtle and humorous test!
“Everything you do should be done in such a way as that it is set up to provide information that gives to a better decision set to work with in the future”…he told me and now I knew what he meant…at least in part!
The next morning we rose and walked the beach!
The whole day was dedicated to his real birthday!
Most of the time we talked about what was next on his plate…and why he was doing it!
It was interesting…
…He never spent more than a minute or two on himself!
…Most of time he asked questions…today was different…almost everything was based in statements!
…I liked hearing about him…sometimes he even reflected and gave me brief glimpses into his past! It was amazing!
The next day I had to leave…before we did…he asked if I wanted to walk the grounds of the villa!
“Can we?” I asked…
“Sure” he replied…
And we did…
As we stood on a pillar surrounded, open-air patio…and listened to the sea…I asked, “Who owns this place?”
“I do!” he replied, “It’s where the staff lives!”
“It was the Mrs' idea...we traded places with them long ago…They deserve to live there!”
Saturday, August 1, 2009
The Mentoring Begins
We had known each other for years. This day was no different than most of our times together. We sat, each in our personal spot, comfortably reclined. Between us sat 5 critical items...a small table and on it, a bottle of his favorite "can't get it here" rum, two glasses and a bucket of ice.
This is what he called the essential ingredients of a good mentoring session! I knew that he was only half serious...the rum was a rarity (not very expensive, but almost unavailable) and we generally only had it on VERY special occasions like his or my birthday. He refused to drink anything else...and that intrigued me...but I never asked!
He leaned forward and grabbed a handful of half-melted ice, dropped a few in his glass and a few in mine. Then he grabbed the bottle and and poured precisely equal amounts in each of our glasses...emptying the bottle!
"Wasn't that bottle full when we started?" he snickered!
It was getting late...but it was such a joy to sit with him...and it was even more enjoyable seeing him laugh...
"The world does not laugh enough!" he observed, "Perhaps we should start our own business and make drinking mandatory at every break!" He was so amused at the thought that he nearly fell from his chair laughing! "If a union can demand breaks...Why can we force them to drink?"
He could see from my face that I was not as amused as he was..."You are not the one that works with the union...I really do not see the humor in it!"
The laughter began to taper off, into the aftershocks of a few snickers and our discussion took a totally direction...
"Why are you mentoring me?" I inquired..."Why did you choose me, over all of the other people that you could be mentoring? Was the company paying you extra?"
"Those are stupid questions!" he shot back..."You picked me!"
"On the surface, I knew that was the furthest thing from the truth...it was he who approached me...I remember that day vividly!
I remember going to another person and telling him that this "old guy" walked up to me "out of the blue" and asked if he could mentor me! My confidant asked me who it was and his reaction, to that question cemented the relationship!
"OH MY GOD! He only mentors 1 or 2 people at any time and those openings only come via death! TAKE IT!"
...And I did!
...And here we are, on the brink of arguing over who picked who!
I wrote his inaccuracy off as "rum induced!" But I was intrigued..."how did he come to this conclusion? He was one of the most accurate people I know!" So I sat quiet...knowing that it would draw a response!
"Don't you remember the first time we met?" he reflected...
You and I were standing in the processing area with 2 government people and I lit up a cigarette while we talked...and you immediately grabbed it, stomped it out and kicked it into a gutter!
"Yes..." I laughed, "I do remember that! You have the biggest set of...I caught myself...I mean you are always challenging authority...just because you can get away with it!"
"I know what you mean...and that is my weakness...it always gets me into trouble!" he said with an almost confession-like tone...
"Why did you take that cigarette from me?" He queried as he turned the conversation back at me...
"Because I did not want you to get into trouble" I replied...
"That was as gutsy a move, as my lighting up!" he observed as I could see his face drifting back to that moment in time!
"You see my friend...(and this is not the rum talking he added)...A relationship such as ours is special...but any relationship can be just as special..."
"...In fact, if any relationship is missing this element...you have to question whether it is a relationship at all..."
"...It is best explained by my concept of a relationship thermometer..."
"...Back when the Mrs. was still alive...I could tell how well our relationship was functioning with this simple concept...its health...a relationship thermometer...get it?"
He could see that I my ability to comprehend was impeded by the fact that we drank the same amount and that I weighed half as much!
"I'll go a bit deeper...I knew that she (the Mrs) could look out for me better than I could ever look out for myself...and the same was true in reverse..." "Are you following me?" he checked!
I nodded...
"...When I felt that I had to look out for myself...or saw that she had to look out for herself...the relationship needed some shoring up! That is how I took the temperature of my relationship"
"...That was a special relationship!" he reflected, "In fact, I have only had 1 or two other ones like that!"
"So what does your relationship with the Mrs have to do with you mentoring me?" I egged him on!
"...Let's go back to the details of the first day!" he said, "I reach in my pocket and took out a cigarette...and began lighting it...before I could even take the first puff...you had walked over to me...put your fingers around it! You looked me squarely in the eyes...it was not a look of anger or disgust...It was different..."
"...I tugged ever so slightly on "my smoke" and you stood your ground...even when the flames of the lighter burnt your hand...you didn't let go (I bet you didn't know I knew that!)..."
"...Without missing a beat you took it from me and said..."let's take a break...we've stood around here long enough!"
"...It wasn't what you did!"
"...It was why you did it!"
"...I could see your intent...it was automatic...it was deep...a part of you...not a facade"
"...I saw that you were looking out for me better than I could ever do for myself..."
"...I wanted to foster that!"
"...That was you asking me to be your mentor!"
The room quieted and became a bit more somber than I was used to...
"Let me call a cab for you and pay for your ride home...I'll bring your car to work in the morning and you can drive me home in the evening..." "That will give us some time to talk about some important things...besides...maybe it is time that I begin returning the favor! I owe you that"
I could see in his eyes that he was done talking for the night...
The conversation made him long for times past...he was going to close his eyes and spend some time with the Mrs...and I couldn't fault him for that!
This is what he called the essential ingredients of a good mentoring session! I knew that he was only half serious...the rum was a rarity (not very expensive, but almost unavailable) and we generally only had it on VERY special occasions like his or my birthday. He refused to drink anything else...and that intrigued me...but I never asked!
He leaned forward and grabbed a handful of half-melted ice, dropped a few in his glass and a few in mine. Then he grabbed the bottle and and poured precisely equal amounts in each of our glasses...emptying the bottle!
"Wasn't that bottle full when we started?" he snickered!
It was getting late...but it was such a joy to sit with him...and it was even more enjoyable seeing him laugh...
"The world does not laugh enough!" he observed, "Perhaps we should start our own business and make drinking mandatory at every break!" He was so amused at the thought that he nearly fell from his chair laughing! "If a union can demand breaks...Why can we force them to drink?"
He could see from my face that I was not as amused as he was..."You are not the one that works with the union...I really do not see the humor in it!"
The laughter began to taper off, into the aftershocks of a few snickers and our discussion took a totally direction...
"Why are you mentoring me?" I inquired..."Why did you choose me, over all of the other people that you could be mentoring? Was the company paying you extra?"
"Those are stupid questions!" he shot back..."You picked me!"
"On the surface, I knew that was the furthest thing from the truth...it was he who approached me...I remember that day vividly!
I remember going to another person and telling him that this "old guy" walked up to me "out of the blue" and asked if he could mentor me! My confidant asked me who it was and his reaction, to that question cemented the relationship!
"OH MY GOD! He only mentors 1 or 2 people at any time and those openings only come via death! TAKE IT!"
...And I did!
...And here we are, on the brink of arguing over who picked who!
I wrote his inaccuracy off as "rum induced!" But I was intrigued..."how did he come to this conclusion? He was one of the most accurate people I know!" So I sat quiet...knowing that it would draw a response!
"Don't you remember the first time we met?" he reflected...
You and I were standing in the processing area with 2 government people and I lit up a cigarette while we talked...and you immediately grabbed it, stomped it out and kicked it into a gutter!
"Yes..." I laughed, "I do remember that! You have the biggest set of...I caught myself...I mean you are always challenging authority...just because you can get away with it!"
"I know what you mean...and that is my weakness...it always gets me into trouble!" he said with an almost confession-like tone...
"Why did you take that cigarette from me?" He queried as he turned the conversation back at me...
"Because I did not want you to get into trouble" I replied...
"That was as gutsy a move, as my lighting up!" he observed as I could see his face drifting back to that moment in time!
"You see my friend...(and this is not the rum talking he added)...A relationship such as ours is special...but any relationship can be just as special..."
"...In fact, if any relationship is missing this element...you have to question whether it is a relationship at all..."
"...It is best explained by my concept of a relationship thermometer..."
"...Back when the Mrs. was still alive...I could tell how well our relationship was functioning with this simple concept...its health...a relationship thermometer...get it?"
He could see that I my ability to comprehend was impeded by the fact that we drank the same amount and that I weighed half as much!
"I'll go a bit deeper...I knew that she (the Mrs) could look out for me better than I could ever look out for myself...and the same was true in reverse..." "Are you following me?" he checked!
I nodded...
"...When I felt that I had to look out for myself...or saw that she had to look out for herself...the relationship needed some shoring up! That is how I took the temperature of my relationship"
"...That was a special relationship!" he reflected, "In fact, I have only had 1 or two other ones like that!"
"So what does your relationship with the Mrs have to do with you mentoring me?" I egged him on!
"...Let's go back to the details of the first day!" he said, "I reach in my pocket and took out a cigarette...and began lighting it...before I could even take the first puff...you had walked over to me...put your fingers around it! You looked me squarely in the eyes...it was not a look of anger or disgust...It was different..."
"...I tugged ever so slightly on "my smoke" and you stood your ground...even when the flames of the lighter burnt your hand...you didn't let go (I bet you didn't know I knew that!)..."
"...Without missing a beat you took it from me and said..."let's take a break...we've stood around here long enough!"
"...It wasn't what you did!"
"...It was why you did it!"
"...I could see your intent...it was automatic...it was deep...a part of you...not a facade"
"...I saw that you were looking out for me better than I could ever do for myself..."
"...I wanted to foster that!"
"...That was you asking me to be your mentor!"
The room quieted and became a bit more somber than I was used to...
"Let me call a cab for you and pay for your ride home...I'll bring your car to work in the morning and you can drive me home in the evening..." "That will give us some time to talk about some important things...besides...maybe it is time that I begin returning the favor! I owe you that"
I could see in his eyes that he was done talking for the night...
The conversation made him long for times past...he was going to close his eyes and spend some time with the Mrs...and I couldn't fault him for that!
Meaningful Performance Evaluations
I was sitting at my desk reading the performance review that I just received from my boss…
He was in the habit of pulling them together at the last minute and emailing them about an hour before the formal review…
I could not believe what I was reading!
To say that it cut me to the very core of my being would have been an understatement!
“You look crushed!” A familiar voice said from the doorway!
I looked up and told him that I was…
Without asking…as he normally did…he entered and sat down!
Today he was different…he didn’t ask questions…in fact…he didn’t say a word!
I tried to understand the reason behind his presence…he was here for consolation…or perhaps soul searching and a few lessons learned! I found the latter to be true!
Finally the silence was broken…
I gather that your boss didn’t recognize your outstanding accomplishments and achievements?
He missed the boat completely didn’t he?
“I can empathize with you.” He consoled.
I responded like a rabid dog…”You told me that your evaluation went exactly as you expected and that everything was dead-on…HOW CAN YOU RELATE?”
“Let me go back,” He said, “He missed the boat completely, didn’t he?”
I didn’t even answer! He knew that he was right and I did not have to confirm that!
Whose right? Him? You?
“If I step back…and look at it rationally…we both are!” I responded
“No!” He said…”There are very few situations in this world that has a single right and wrong…this is one of them…”
“You are right!” He smiled, “He just doesn’t know it!”
“Let me tell you…” He started…
Seldom did he ever tell me anything and I knew that this was going to be a gift! So I set aside the 10 pages of “bunk” sat back on listened!
Along this may sound like total managerial blasphemy…I want you to hear me out!
I am going to share 2 cardinal rules of performance evaluating with you…
1. Do not EVER give the boss the right to evaluate your performance!
2. Do not EVER take the right to evaluate your team’s performance!
Because of the way you look…I am going to focus on the first tenant and the second one will be addressed in due course…
BUT…before I begin talking…I want to share with you that EVERY ONE of your team had the same look on their faces as you did when you sent them their evaluations!
I started to open my mouth to respond in disbelief…and he immediately told me to stop and listen!
Your boss does not have the right to evaluate your performance…unless…you give that to him!
Most people are too stupid or lazy to realize that!
The only right that your boss has is to agree or disagree with you!
Your performance is yours and yours alone...
Do you realize that…?
I nodded in agreement…but it was a jump for me…because I too had been brainwashed by traditional management theories such as MBO…
You have something in your possession that will change the entire face of your evaluation…do you realize that?
I shook my head…I had no idea of what he was taking about…
Your notebook!
The light went on!
Yet he went on to confirm it!
Every time he gave you an assignment…you wrote down his expectations…I thought that was brilliant and began doing that my self!
You have a chronicle of exactly what he expected from you over the past year don’t you?
AND you know exactly how you did in relation to each of those expectations…right?
Perhaps you should make a list of everything that he assigned to you and ask him if he missed anything…
Then when that list is agreed upon…send him another column that lists what he told you he expected…
Then when that list is agreed upon…send him a list of how you performed in relation to those expectations…
Then when that list is agreed upon…send him your assessment of the expectations versus actual…
OR…
You could just leave it up to him to remember all that stuff…and gamble that you are at the top of his list!
He smiled and walked out…he knew that my evaluation was in 5 minutes and that my definition for being at a meeting on-time was 5 minutes early!
I walked down the hallway and just before I turned the corner...I looked back and he was standing in the doorway of his office...smiling...I smiled back...took a deep breath...and...
"Come on in Phil…I see you have your notebook…no assignments today…its all about you and last year’s performance…let me see…you had a pretty good year…wouldn’t you agree?"
I smiled and said…”Boss…we have a few weeks before the final reviews are due…what would you think if we stepped back and really worked this through?” “Rather than spending an hour today…let’s just take a few minutes and look at what I was assigned and make sure that we have captured everything that mattered! “Besides…I have 12 impromptu "one on ones" that I just came up! ”
He was in the habit of pulling them together at the last minute and emailing them about an hour before the formal review…
I could not believe what I was reading!
To say that it cut me to the very core of my being would have been an understatement!
“You look crushed!” A familiar voice said from the doorway!
I looked up and told him that I was…
Without asking…as he normally did…he entered and sat down!
Today he was different…he didn’t ask questions…in fact…he didn’t say a word!
I tried to understand the reason behind his presence…he was here for consolation…or perhaps soul searching and a few lessons learned! I found the latter to be true!
Finally the silence was broken…
I gather that your boss didn’t recognize your outstanding accomplishments and achievements?
He missed the boat completely didn’t he?
“I can empathize with you.” He consoled.
I responded like a rabid dog…”You told me that your evaluation went exactly as you expected and that everything was dead-on…HOW CAN YOU RELATE?”
“Let me go back,” He said, “He missed the boat completely, didn’t he?”
I didn’t even answer! He knew that he was right and I did not have to confirm that!
Whose right? Him? You?
“If I step back…and look at it rationally…we both are!” I responded
“No!” He said…”There are very few situations in this world that has a single right and wrong…this is one of them…”
“You are right!” He smiled, “He just doesn’t know it!”
“Let me tell you…” He started…
Seldom did he ever tell me anything and I knew that this was going to be a gift! So I set aside the 10 pages of “bunk” sat back on listened!
Along this may sound like total managerial blasphemy…I want you to hear me out!
I am going to share 2 cardinal rules of performance evaluating with you…
1. Do not EVER give the boss the right to evaluate your performance!
2. Do not EVER take the right to evaluate your team’s performance!
Because of the way you look…I am going to focus on the first tenant and the second one will be addressed in due course…
BUT…before I begin talking…I want to share with you that EVERY ONE of your team had the same look on their faces as you did when you sent them their evaluations!
I started to open my mouth to respond in disbelief…and he immediately told me to stop and listen!
Your boss does not have the right to evaluate your performance…unless…you give that to him!
Most people are too stupid or lazy to realize that!
The only right that your boss has is to agree or disagree with you!
Your performance is yours and yours alone...
Do you realize that…?
I nodded in agreement…but it was a jump for me…because I too had been brainwashed by traditional management theories such as MBO…
You have something in your possession that will change the entire face of your evaluation…do you realize that?
I shook my head…I had no idea of what he was taking about…
Your notebook!
The light went on!
Yet he went on to confirm it!
Every time he gave you an assignment…you wrote down his expectations…I thought that was brilliant and began doing that my self!
You have a chronicle of exactly what he expected from you over the past year don’t you?
AND you know exactly how you did in relation to each of those expectations…right?
Perhaps you should make a list of everything that he assigned to you and ask him if he missed anything…
Then when that list is agreed upon…send him another column that lists what he told you he expected…
Then when that list is agreed upon…send him a list of how you performed in relation to those expectations…
Then when that list is agreed upon…send him your assessment of the expectations versus actual…
OR…
You could just leave it up to him to remember all that stuff…and gamble that you are at the top of his list!
He smiled and walked out…he knew that my evaluation was in 5 minutes and that my definition for being at a meeting on-time was 5 minutes early!
I walked down the hallway and just before I turned the corner...I looked back and he was standing in the doorway of his office...smiling...I smiled back...took a deep breath...and...
"Come on in Phil…I see you have your notebook…no assignments today…its all about you and last year’s performance…let me see…you had a pretty good year…wouldn’t you agree?"
I smiled and said…”Boss…we have a few weeks before the final reviews are due…what would you think if we stepped back and really worked this through?” “Rather than spending an hour today…let’s just take a few minutes and look at what I was assigned and make sure that we have captured everything that mattered! “Besides…I have 12 impromptu "one on ones" that I just came up! ”
On Management
I was sitting at lunch with my mentor after a 4 hours long discussion on the true application of statistics on process…(which by the way…made my head hurt!).
I tried to keep the conversation directed away from statistics…and talked of the cloudy and depressing weather…and that you could not leave the windows on your vehicle open, even a crack…or you would sit on a wet seat!
He was not amused by my deterrents…and looked around the cafeteria…and said in his “politically incorrect” and “out in left field” manner…
“Managing is like falling in love with a prostitute…
Someone will come along with more money…and she’ll leave you in a minute…with only lies…hollow promises…disillusionment…and a broken heart!...”
He looked at me with his wry smile…looking for a reaction…which I remember to be a look of disbelief!
“So what do you think of that?” he inquired…
I did not know if he was looking for agreement or me to take the exact opposite position…
Before talking…I reviewed his behaviors and previous comments on management…
He was one of the best managers I have ever seen!
He had an uncanny ability to recognize talent…and bring it together…his people would die for him…
Heck…he sought me out to mentor…and he only mentors 2 people at any given time! I am a prime example…I am no prostitute!
His “real” team was, by all reckoning, the top in the organization, if not in the world…the individuals were not fantastically talented…but under his direction and tutelage became everything and more of what they thought they were capable of…They often got “cocky” and believed that it was all their doing…he let them think so! He often left them totally on their own…so that they would learn where the talent really resided…sometimes they recognized it…other times they didn’t…I could see that when that happened…he was crushed…as if he were betrayed…I often felt that he was…and could empathize with him…”how could these people be so vain and egotistical and self-centered to believe that they had anything to do with their success…
After my brief mental hiatus…I can back to the moment…
“I agree and disagree with you simultaneously”
“Better put…I agree in part and disagree with you in part…”
Let me start at the most superficial level and say...if what you contend is true...that makes me either a pimp or a John! I can say...in all sincerity...that I am neither!
Any truth in your statement does not depend on my perspective but on the perspective and behaviors of the "party of the second part..."
He smiled and said…”You may be on to something…go on!”
That was all I needed…
“I agree that management is like falling in love…but that is where it ends…”
The old adage…”It is better to have loved and lost; than to have never loved at all…” seems apropos at this moment!
He smiled and egged me on…”you are an extremely successful manager…WHY?”
I told him…”In all honestly…because of what he taught me…”
His response was a classic…”Sucking up will never make you a good manager…but it sure brings a mentor back! Now; tell me what do you do?”
I continued…”I believe that if you manage by the text book…the second part of your sentence is also true…”
You have to be directly vested with your people…their successes and failure…otherwise the superficiality of the relationship is completely like your first statement!
When you do that however…there is a BIG risk!
“The risk?” he asked…
There is a risk that they will not be as vested in return!
If they are not as vested…then that team member is a prostitute!
He smiled and agreed! That smile just prodded me on further!
The risk goes beyond the relationship between me and that person…
“I am effective because I know that each individual, in fact…the entire team is behind me and if I got into trouble…they would be there to stand our ground…an organization can not afford the rebellion of a hundred or more people! They would come to my rescue!” Much like Ghandi and the "passive rebellion" he promoted!
“How do you know that?” he asked…
“They told me…” I responded…
“Has it ever been tested?” he retorted as his face grew grimmer…
“No…” I sighed…
“Lies…hollow promises…” he said continued…somewhat sarcastically; “It will only lead to disillusionment and a broken heart! Your team is nothing but a bunch of prostitutes…they’ll suck you dry and leave you at the first sign of trouble…you have found the key to assembling a great team…but you have yet to learn to teach them cohesiveness and loyalty…”
“…You my friend are a person of passion…one who is willing to risk that passion on people who are thankless and will only let you down…few if any ever really understand the true magic behind a successful team…they are frail and selfish and will jump at the first sign of problems…don’t count on them! They will hurt you! They are willing to stand their ground as long as you are there to take the arrows…ask them to step up front and they’ll scurry like a bunch of rats”
“Man I have NEVER seen this cynical side of you!” I hardened “I can not lead any other way…I can not be like the rest of the managerial world!”
He smiled and said…”That is why I choose you to mentor! I just want you to be ready for your future! You are absolutely right…but you will also be broken hearted! NEVER lose this…it is worth the risk!”
He stood up and began to walk away...I knew the session was now really over...he closed with…“Just remember who you are looking at across your desk…then you’ll never be disappointed!”
"I can't"
"I won't"
"I will NEVER!"
"THEY AREN'T!"
"They are beautiful people…well worth the risk!"
From my perspective...I have said enough!
I tried to keep the conversation directed away from statistics…and talked of the cloudy and depressing weather…and that you could not leave the windows on your vehicle open, even a crack…or you would sit on a wet seat!
He was not amused by my deterrents…and looked around the cafeteria…and said in his “politically incorrect” and “out in left field” manner…
“Managing is like falling in love with a prostitute…
Someone will come along with more money…and she’ll leave you in a minute…with only lies…hollow promises…disillusionment…and a broken heart!...”
He looked at me with his wry smile…looking for a reaction…which I remember to be a look of disbelief!
“So what do you think of that?” he inquired…
I did not know if he was looking for agreement or me to take the exact opposite position…
Before talking…I reviewed his behaviors and previous comments on management…
He was one of the best managers I have ever seen!
He had an uncanny ability to recognize talent…and bring it together…his people would die for him…
Heck…he sought me out to mentor…and he only mentors 2 people at any given time! I am a prime example…I am no prostitute!
His “real” team was, by all reckoning, the top in the organization, if not in the world…the individuals were not fantastically talented…but under his direction and tutelage became everything and more of what they thought they were capable of…They often got “cocky” and believed that it was all their doing…he let them think so! He often left them totally on their own…so that they would learn where the talent really resided…sometimes they recognized it…other times they didn’t…I could see that when that happened…he was crushed…as if he were betrayed…I often felt that he was…and could empathize with him…”how could these people be so vain and egotistical and self-centered to believe that they had anything to do with their success…
After my brief mental hiatus…I can back to the moment…
“I agree and disagree with you simultaneously”
“Better put…I agree in part and disagree with you in part…”
Let me start at the most superficial level and say...if what you contend is true...that makes me either a pimp or a John! I can say...in all sincerity...that I am neither!
Any truth in your statement does not depend on my perspective but on the perspective and behaviors of the "party of the second part..."
He smiled and said…”You may be on to something…go on!”
That was all I needed…
“I agree that management is like falling in love…but that is where it ends…”
The old adage…”It is better to have loved and lost; than to have never loved at all…” seems apropos at this moment!
He smiled and egged me on…”you are an extremely successful manager…WHY?”
I told him…”In all honestly…because of what he taught me…”
His response was a classic…”Sucking up will never make you a good manager…but it sure brings a mentor back! Now; tell me what do you do?”
I continued…”I believe that if you manage by the text book…the second part of your sentence is also true…”
You have to be directly vested with your people…their successes and failure…otherwise the superficiality of the relationship is completely like your first statement!
When you do that however…there is a BIG risk!
“The risk?” he asked…
There is a risk that they will not be as vested in return!
If they are not as vested…then that team member is a prostitute!
He smiled and agreed! That smile just prodded me on further!
The risk goes beyond the relationship between me and that person…
“I am effective because I know that each individual, in fact…the entire team is behind me and if I got into trouble…they would be there to stand our ground…an organization can not afford the rebellion of a hundred or more people! They would come to my rescue!” Much like Ghandi and the "passive rebellion" he promoted!
“How do you know that?” he asked…
“They told me…” I responded…
“Has it ever been tested?” he retorted as his face grew grimmer…
“No…” I sighed…
“Lies…hollow promises…” he said continued…somewhat sarcastically; “It will only lead to disillusionment and a broken heart! Your team is nothing but a bunch of prostitutes…they’ll suck you dry and leave you at the first sign of trouble…you have found the key to assembling a great team…but you have yet to learn to teach them cohesiveness and loyalty…”
“…You my friend are a person of passion…one who is willing to risk that passion on people who are thankless and will only let you down…few if any ever really understand the true magic behind a successful team…they are frail and selfish and will jump at the first sign of problems…don’t count on them! They will hurt you! They are willing to stand their ground as long as you are there to take the arrows…ask them to step up front and they’ll scurry like a bunch of rats”
“Man I have NEVER seen this cynical side of you!” I hardened “I can not lead any other way…I can not be like the rest of the managerial world!”
He smiled and said…”That is why I choose you to mentor! I just want you to be ready for your future! You are absolutely right…but you will also be broken hearted! NEVER lose this…it is worth the risk!”
He stood up and began to walk away...I knew the session was now really over...he closed with…“Just remember who you are looking at across your desk…then you’ll never be disappointed!”
"I can't"
"I won't"
"I will NEVER!"
"THEY AREN'T!"
"They are beautiful people…well worth the risk!"
From my perspective...I have said enough!
Deja Vu
I stood on the production floor, watching in awe, as he worked! In my opinion there was no other person like him!
He literally rolled up his sleeves and did what they were doing.
Periodically, he would step away and scribble a note on his pad…or take a few measurements…
He was on the hunt! I knew it and the floor knew it!
What was more exciting was that we knew that what came out of his presence would be better than what is happening now!
He was never happy with “status quo”…and as a result, we too were not happy…it was contagious!
After a seemingly short period of time, he moved from the fray and grabbed my arm…”I have enough!” he proclaimed.
We walked back to his office…a comfortable setting that, in some ways made it a “safe room,” a place where thoughts could be freely shared without criticism. I often wondered if it was the room…or him that made it that way!
He sat at his desk and tucked his notes away…
“…This is what’s wrong…” he explained…
“…This is what is doing…” he continued…
“…This is what it is doing to the rest of the organization…” he concluded…
“This is what we can do to fix it!” he suggested…
I listened, and thought…”Cause – Effect – Impact! He always talks in those terms! It is only after he has stated those three critical aspects…does he make his recommendation”
I smiled…just being privy to watching him perform was reward enough!
He was a brilliant statistician…one of the best I have ever met in my narrow frame of existence…but I knew that he was at the very least…at the top of his field!
He could take a miniscule number of samples…observe things for a while and draw conclusions that that were keenly accurate…
In the beginning, his observations and conclusions were often challenged. Then hundreds of hours and dollars were spent to analyze oceans of data…only to find that he was correct…or at least accurate enough to have drawn that same conclusion… the skeptics soon quit challenging him...
I wanted to be able to do that!
Given the events of today and the fact that from all appearances…he looked like he was “done for the day…” I decided that this was a “coaching moment!”
“How do you do that?” I asked…
“Do what?” He responded…
“Find the answer to issues that have been plaguing the floor for years in a matter of hours!” I said in return…
“…It is really nothing” He said, “…It is simple…I fixed something like that years ago! Today was nothing more than been-there-done-that-before!”
“…I simply stand out there until that moment of déjà vu!” He smiled…
“DANG! I thought…it is going to take me years to get me to that point in my career…one where I have had so much experience that it seems to repeat itself!”
“…I bet you are thinking that you’ll never get that much experience…” he chided “Aren’t you?”
“Kind of…” I replied…
Leaning back in his chair he said, “…It doesn’t take a thousand or a hundred or even ten experiences to get to the point of déjà vu!”
“Then what?” I asked…
“ONE!” he smiled…”Come on…I’ll show you!”
And off we went…
He literally rolled up his sleeves and did what they were doing.
Periodically, he would step away and scribble a note on his pad…or take a few measurements…
He was on the hunt! I knew it and the floor knew it!
What was more exciting was that we knew that what came out of his presence would be better than what is happening now!
He was never happy with “status quo”…and as a result, we too were not happy…it was contagious!
After a seemingly short period of time, he moved from the fray and grabbed my arm…”I have enough!” he proclaimed.
We walked back to his office…a comfortable setting that, in some ways made it a “safe room,” a place where thoughts could be freely shared without criticism. I often wondered if it was the room…or him that made it that way!
He sat at his desk and tucked his notes away…
“…This is what’s wrong…” he explained…
“…This is what is doing…” he continued…
“…This is what it is doing to the rest of the organization…” he concluded…
“This is what we can do to fix it!” he suggested…
I listened, and thought…”Cause – Effect – Impact! He always talks in those terms! It is only after he has stated those three critical aspects…does he make his recommendation”
I smiled…just being privy to watching him perform was reward enough!
He was a brilliant statistician…one of the best I have ever met in my narrow frame of existence…but I knew that he was at the very least…at the top of his field!
He could take a miniscule number of samples…observe things for a while and draw conclusions that that were keenly accurate…
In the beginning, his observations and conclusions were often challenged. Then hundreds of hours and dollars were spent to analyze oceans of data…only to find that he was correct…or at least accurate enough to have drawn that same conclusion… the skeptics soon quit challenging him...
I wanted to be able to do that!
Given the events of today and the fact that from all appearances…he looked like he was “done for the day…” I decided that this was a “coaching moment!”
“How do you do that?” I asked…
“Do what?” He responded…
“Find the answer to issues that have been plaguing the floor for years in a matter of hours!” I said in return…
“…It is really nothing” He said, “…It is simple…I fixed something like that years ago! Today was nothing more than been-there-done-that-before!”
“…I simply stand out there until that moment of déjà vu!” He smiled…
“DANG! I thought…it is going to take me years to get me to that point in my career…one where I have had so much experience that it seems to repeat itself!”
“…I bet you are thinking that you’ll never get that much experience…” he chided “Aren’t you?”
“Kind of…” I replied…
Leaning back in his chair he said, “…It doesn’t take a thousand or a hundred or even ten experiences to get to the point of déjà vu!”
“Then what?” I asked…
“ONE!” he smiled…”Come on…I’ll show you!”
And off we went…
The Road Less Traveled...
The encounters between him and I were the most unpredictable part of my life…sometimes I didn’t see him for months…then there were other times that he was a shadow...one that followed me for days!
I would like to say that he was there for me in the bad times and stayed away so that I could revel in the good ones, without sharing…but the exact opposite was true!
“It was simply his busy schedule” I would conclude…
In somewhat a satirical way…I would always judge what my day was like by if he was around or not!
Out of the blue…my phone rang…and it was him!
"Ahhhh…It is going to be a good day," I literally thought! "Not because of him…but because he showed up!"
Just his "Hello!"…brought a smile to my face!
Before I could fill him in on the “goings on" in the area…he interrupted, “Phil…do you remember that saying about the road less traveled?”
I sure do I proudly responded! It comes from a poem by Robert Frost from his last collection.
It actually goes….
”… I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the road less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference…”
“I am impressed!” he said, “is it on a poster on your wall?…or did you grab his anthology from your bookshelf?”
“NEITHER!!!! You know better me than that!” I responded, “What brings that up? Are you getting soft and reflective in your golden years?”
“NO!” he growled…with veiled snicker. He knew I could "jab back" at every one of his "digs." He used them to test the waters...most people thought he was just nasty!
“Just thinking…and thought I’d call you! What does it look like?” he asked…
“The road less traveled?” I checked…
By the silence I could see that...today was not a playful day for him and that he was getting frustrated…
He quoted Frost too…but not that one…
“…Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper…”
I think that he chose that thought as a reminder, to himself, that the learning process can be VERY frustrating…especially for the teacher!
"Today..." he announced, "You are the teacher and I am the student!..."
This role reversal caught me totally off guard! But I relished the opportunity!
I stepped back in our conversation and and mentally assessed every minute detail!
"Let's walk down that road (that Frost describes), together, for a while!" I suggested
"I like that!" he replied, with a child-like enthusiasm!
The road leading to "the divergence" is quite hectic... in fact everyone is on that road...it leads everywhere and there is no place that one can't get there from any point on that road!
It is chaotic!...people bump into each other...some totally ignore the others present! There is yelling...and insults...come to think of it...it looks like that trading floor at the New York Stock Exchange!
So...we make our way down the road...and if we thought about it...we would be awed by the simple fact that we made headway!
Before you near "the divergence" it becomes a bit wooded...A bit darker, because of the trees...the road seems to narrow and because of this...it gets more crouded! If you look at the people around you...they have a look of confusion on their faces...as if they knew that they had a choice to make...they feel it...but it is simply a feeling...
At some point...much to our surprise...the road diverges! Most, if not all, of the travelers take the wide option, as if not thinking, or as if they didn't even see the other road...But we, being who we are, pause and look at that tiny and almost hidden path...
It is over-grown with plants...it is sandy...and there are few footprints marking the fact that others tried this route. That makes it a bit scary!
We talk and decide that this path is the one we must take...it will be a bit more treacherous...harder to traverse...but worth it...why?...that may be impossible to determine...it may be out of our nievity or out of curiosity or because of a true personal integrity! I guess that it doesn't really matter...the destination is the same!
So forward, trudge on...
"Hold on there teacher!!!" he interrupted, "You are walking too fast...Take a breather, so that I can catch up and ask some questions!"
I was embarrassed at his comment...I knew that pauses were critical in good teaching and mentoring! He taught me that long ago! In kind of a weird way...
My thoughts wandered...back to that slice of time!
Our meetings were getting to be almost obsessive! OK...they were! We were both like that! Obsessive, that is...I think we took "Carpe Diem" literally! We enjoyed each other's company...he was a lonely, since "the Mrs" left. I knew that if I wasn't with him...no one was...That bothered me...and...that also fed my side of the obsession!
In reality...I enjoyed listening and learning...the mental sparring and the growth! He was entertaining and challenging at the same time! I have had few people in my life like that...I was no willing to let go of that!
When we were together, he would do or say something and I would think, "I need to learn that!" I took as many notes about how he did things, as the notes I made about what he was doing!
From his perspective. he would say that he "finally" found someone that could understand and apply, what he hungered to share...and this will be what the next millennium will be in dire need of! So...before he joined the Mrs...(heaven forbid!)...he wanted to know that the legacy would carry forward...that the seeds were planted...that the fields was florishing and would be ready for harvest and distribution when then season was upon it!
I really think it was just that he found an audience for his ranting! AND I was happy to oblige!
For whatever reason...it was getting in the way of our other lives...work and personal! That is when he shared the lesson of pauses! I think that we actually realized that we were in a "bad place" at almost the same time!
I had mentally prepared to bring that up when we met for breakfast, the next morning...yet he beat me to it!
That morning we talked about value...and priorities...and commitments...and then made a plan that balanced all of them! He said that the only time that you really learn...is when you have time alone...the pause...even during a lecture...he would pause...so that his audience could learn! Some times his pauses were veiled in stories...or just plain rambling...most of the people missed what he was doing...but that was OK...it had the desired effects...he was often labeled as a kook! BUT...if they only knew!
At the end of our breakfast, which ran over, as had become the norm...something happened that never happened before in our relationship...and in fact, never happened after...he hugged me! That from a man who delved out handshakes as if they were on the endangered species list!
I never asked him why? Some things are best left unquestioned! But I noticed tears in his eyes...as if he was losing or lost something...or had hurt someone! It was confusing!
Then through the cool and soothing fog of my thoughts...I heard a voice calling me back into the present world...
"I think that we have not taken enough time at the fork! Let's go back and look at it a bit closer!" He interjected...
He caught me! I made a cardinal mistake in teaching! I took the student down a mental path that describe exactly what was intended...and not what it was, in reality! I wondered if he was testing me...or was he actually teaching me in a new, unique and VERY subtle way...or perhaps he really didn't know and wanted to learn! I didn't need the explanation...the destination was exactly the same...
"You're right!" I admitted, "Let's turn around and walk back!"
"Is that path at the same level as the other option? he inquired....
"I think at the beginning it is...but as soon as you round the first bend, it becomes an upward climb!" I answered...
"Good...I see the same thing!" he confirmed...
Something that he did so well, and I had learned later...was to stop in the middle of an important thought or concept and confirm that both were on the same page!
I continued, "Did you realize that that road will take your breath away?"
"Why?" he asked..."Because of the beauty?"
"Exactly the opposite!" I responded...(I could almost see his coy smile)..."It's an ugly route! It takes your breath away, because of the altitude and it's treacherous, there is no sure footing along its entire length!"
It is a lofty path...the air is thin...and every effort saps your energy...
...Many if not most people trip and fall, early...and roll down the incline, to the easier route
...Some lose their footing when it gets really tough and AGAIN, roll down to the other road...they stand up, dust off the dirt and continue on that crouded path!
...Others get scared when it gets it darkest and runback to what they know and is comfortable...
...Others hate traveling alone and turn around simply because they have no one around them!
I could give you as many reasons for not using this road as there are grains of sand on it...but let's go on!
"Did I mention that this route is often the longer route?"
"AND...Guess what the name of this road is?"
"What?" he asked that child came out again!
"The HIGH ROAD!" I revealed!
"I love it!" he said, "This is exactly what I was looking for!"
"But I think that this path is worth it though! Let's look at it a different way." I continued...
Reach into your pocket and take out the map...I will do the same! You'll see there are lots of bends...many dead ends... There are also many rest stops...and picnic areas! There are scenic overviews...and landslides!
Wait! The maps changed before our very eyes! Wait! Your map is different from mine! This is confusing! It is if the map was made for each of us alone! Your road is your road and yours alone...as is mine!
"I am loving this!" he exclaimed! "This mental image is a thing of beauty!"
"A thing of beauty"...That was his greatest compliment, although he constantly complimented everyone...there was a hierarchy in the phrases that he used...this one he doled infrequent enough to say that he never used it!
"I guess when you put it this way...It is always the HIGH ROAD, my friend, that we should be taking!" he concluded.
I was not finished, but I could tell that he was.
I replied, "I think that is what Frost wanted us to learn, that is if he wanted us to learn something!"
OK! Enough! I knew that, he, either, had learned enough, confirmed what he needed to know, or I had, in a very subtle and reverse way, learned what he needed to teach me!
"Hey!" he interjected, "I am going to be in town for the next couple of weeks…can you carve out some time?"
"I have a bottle of my rum and we can share it…if you want…"
"It is going to be a good couple of weeks!" I thought, "It has to be...he is in town!"
"Oh Yeah...there is something else I wanted to mention and have you think about, before I get there..."
I would like to say that he was there for me in the bad times and stayed away so that I could revel in the good ones, without sharing…but the exact opposite was true!
“It was simply his busy schedule” I would conclude…
In somewhat a satirical way…I would always judge what my day was like by if he was around or not!
Out of the blue…my phone rang…and it was him!
"Ahhhh…It is going to be a good day," I literally thought! "Not because of him…but because he showed up!"
Just his "Hello!"…brought a smile to my face!
Before I could fill him in on the “goings on" in the area…he interrupted, “Phil…do you remember that saying about the road less traveled?”
I sure do I proudly responded! It comes from a poem by Robert Frost from his last collection.
It actually goes….
”… I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the road less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference…”
“I am impressed!” he said, “is it on a poster on your wall?…or did you grab his anthology from your bookshelf?”
“NEITHER!!!! You know better me than that!” I responded, “What brings that up? Are you getting soft and reflective in your golden years?”
“NO!” he growled…with veiled snicker. He knew I could "jab back" at every one of his "digs." He used them to test the waters...most people thought he was just nasty!
“Just thinking…and thought I’d call you! What does it look like?” he asked…
“The road less traveled?” I checked…
By the silence I could see that...today was not a playful day for him and that he was getting frustrated…
He quoted Frost too…but not that one…
“…Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper…”
I think that he chose that thought as a reminder, to himself, that the learning process can be VERY frustrating…especially for the teacher!
"Today..." he announced, "You are the teacher and I am the student!..."
This role reversal caught me totally off guard! But I relished the opportunity!
I stepped back in our conversation and and mentally assessed every minute detail!
"Let's walk down that road (that Frost describes), together, for a while!" I suggested
"I like that!" he replied, with a child-like enthusiasm!
The road leading to "the divergence" is quite hectic... in fact everyone is on that road...it leads everywhere and there is no place that one can't get there from any point on that road!
It is chaotic!...people bump into each other...some totally ignore the others present! There is yelling...and insults...come to think of it...it looks like that trading floor at the New York Stock Exchange!
So...we make our way down the road...and if we thought about it...we would be awed by the simple fact that we made headway!
Before you near "the divergence" it becomes a bit wooded...A bit darker, because of the trees...the road seems to narrow and because of this...it gets more crouded! If you look at the people around you...they have a look of confusion on their faces...as if they knew that they had a choice to make...they feel it...but it is simply a feeling...
At some point...much to our surprise...the road diverges! Most, if not all, of the travelers take the wide option, as if not thinking, or as if they didn't even see the other road...But we, being who we are, pause and look at that tiny and almost hidden path...
It is over-grown with plants...it is sandy...and there are few footprints marking the fact that others tried this route. That makes it a bit scary!
We talk and decide that this path is the one we must take...it will be a bit more treacherous...harder to traverse...but worth it...why?...that may be impossible to determine...it may be out of our nievity or out of curiosity or because of a true personal integrity! I guess that it doesn't really matter...the destination is the same!
So forward, trudge on...
"Hold on there teacher!!!" he interrupted, "You are walking too fast...Take a breather, so that I can catch up and ask some questions!"
I was embarrassed at his comment...I knew that pauses were critical in good teaching and mentoring! He taught me that long ago! In kind of a weird way...
My thoughts wandered...back to that slice of time!
Our meetings were getting to be almost obsessive! OK...they were! We were both like that! Obsessive, that is...I think we took "Carpe Diem" literally! We enjoyed each other's company...he was a lonely, since "the Mrs" left. I knew that if I wasn't with him...no one was...That bothered me...and...that also fed my side of the obsession!
In reality...I enjoyed listening and learning...the mental sparring and the growth! He was entertaining and challenging at the same time! I have had few people in my life like that...I was no willing to let go of that!
When we were together, he would do or say something and I would think, "I need to learn that!" I took as many notes about how he did things, as the notes I made about what he was doing!
From his perspective. he would say that he "finally" found someone that could understand and apply, what he hungered to share...and this will be what the next millennium will be in dire need of! So...before he joined the Mrs...(heaven forbid!)...he wanted to know that the legacy would carry forward...that the seeds were planted...that the fields was florishing and would be ready for harvest and distribution when then season was upon it!
I really think it was just that he found an audience for his ranting! AND I was happy to oblige!
For whatever reason...it was getting in the way of our other lives...work and personal! That is when he shared the lesson of pauses! I think that we actually realized that we were in a "bad place" at almost the same time!
I had mentally prepared to bring that up when we met for breakfast, the next morning...yet he beat me to it!
That morning we talked about value...and priorities...and commitments...and then made a plan that balanced all of them! He said that the only time that you really learn...is when you have time alone...the pause...even during a lecture...he would pause...so that his audience could learn! Some times his pauses were veiled in stories...or just plain rambling...most of the people missed what he was doing...but that was OK...it had the desired effects...he was often labeled as a kook! BUT...if they only knew!
At the end of our breakfast, which ran over, as had become the norm...something happened that never happened before in our relationship...and in fact, never happened after...he hugged me! That from a man who delved out handshakes as if they were on the endangered species list!
I never asked him why? Some things are best left unquestioned! But I noticed tears in his eyes...as if he was losing or lost something...or had hurt someone! It was confusing!
Then through the cool and soothing fog of my thoughts...I heard a voice calling me back into the present world...
"I think that we have not taken enough time at the fork! Let's go back and look at it a bit closer!" He interjected...
He caught me! I made a cardinal mistake in teaching! I took the student down a mental path that describe exactly what was intended...and not what it was, in reality! I wondered if he was testing me...or was he actually teaching me in a new, unique and VERY subtle way...or perhaps he really didn't know and wanted to learn! I didn't need the explanation...the destination was exactly the same...
"You're right!" I admitted, "Let's turn around and walk back!"
"Is that path at the same level as the other option? he inquired....
"I think at the beginning it is...but as soon as you round the first bend, it becomes an upward climb!" I answered...
"Good...I see the same thing!" he confirmed...
Something that he did so well, and I had learned later...was to stop in the middle of an important thought or concept and confirm that both were on the same page!
I continued, "Did you realize that that road will take your breath away?"
"Why?" he asked..."Because of the beauty?"
"Exactly the opposite!" I responded...(I could almost see his coy smile)..."It's an ugly route! It takes your breath away, because of the altitude and it's treacherous, there is no sure footing along its entire length!"
It is a lofty path...the air is thin...and every effort saps your energy...
...Many if not most people trip and fall, early...and roll down the incline, to the easier route
...Some lose their footing when it gets really tough and AGAIN, roll down to the other road...they stand up, dust off the dirt and continue on that crouded path!
...Others get scared when it gets it darkest and runback to what they know and is comfortable...
...Others hate traveling alone and turn around simply because they have no one around them!
I could give you as many reasons for not using this road as there are grains of sand on it...but let's go on!
"Did I mention that this route is often the longer route?"
"AND...Guess what the name of this road is?"
"What?" he asked that child came out again!
"The HIGH ROAD!" I revealed!
"I love it!" he said, "This is exactly what I was looking for!"
"But I think that this path is worth it though! Let's look at it a different way." I continued...
Reach into your pocket and take out the map...I will do the same! You'll see there are lots of bends...many dead ends... There are also many rest stops...and picnic areas! There are scenic overviews...and landslides!
Wait! The maps changed before our very eyes! Wait! Your map is different from mine! This is confusing! It is if the map was made for each of us alone! Your road is your road and yours alone...as is mine!
"I am loving this!" he exclaimed! "This mental image is a thing of beauty!"
"A thing of beauty"...That was his greatest compliment, although he constantly complimented everyone...there was a hierarchy in the phrases that he used...this one he doled infrequent enough to say that he never used it!
"I guess when you put it this way...It is always the HIGH ROAD, my friend, that we should be taking!" he concluded.
I was not finished, but I could tell that he was.
I replied, "I think that is what Frost wanted us to learn, that is if he wanted us to learn something!"
OK! Enough! I knew that, he, either, had learned enough, confirmed what he needed to know, or I had, in a very subtle and reverse way, learned what he needed to teach me!
"Hey!" he interjected, "I am going to be in town for the next couple of weeks…can you carve out some time?"
"I have a bottle of my rum and we can share it…if you want…"
"It is going to be a good couple of weeks!" I thought, "It has to be...he is in town!"
"Oh Yeah...there is something else I wanted to mention and have you think about, before I get there..."
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