On Management

I was sitting at lunch with my mentor after a 4 hours long discussion on the true application of statistics on process…(which by the way…made my head hurt!).

I tried to keep the conversation directed away from statistics…and talked of the cloudy and depressing weather…and that you could not leave the windows on your vehicle open, even a crack…or you would sit on a wet seat!

He was not amused by my deterrents…and looked around the cafeteria…and said in his “politically incorrect” and “out in left field” manner…

“Managing is like falling in love with a prostitute…

Someone will come along with more money…and she’ll leave you in a minute…with only lies…hollow promises…disillusionment…and a broken heart!...”

He looked at me with his wry smile…looking for a reaction…which I remember to be a look of disbelief!

“So what do you think of that?” he inquired…

I did not know if he was looking for agreement or me to take the exact opposite position…

Before talking…I reviewed his behaviors and previous comments on management…

He was one of the best managers I have ever seen!

He had an uncanny ability to recognize talent…and bring it together…his people would die for him…

Heck…he sought me out to mentor…and he only mentors 2 people at any given time! I am a prime example…I am no prostitute!

His “real” team was, by all reckoning, the top in the organization, if not in the world…the individuals were not fantastically talented…but under his direction and tutelage became everything and more of what they thought they were capable of…They often got “cocky” and believed that it was all their doing…he let them think so! He often left them totally on their own…so that they would learn where the talent really resided…sometimes they recognized it…other times they didn’t…I could see that when that happened…he was crushed…as if he were betrayed…I often felt that he was…and could empathize with him…”how could these people be so vain and egotistical and self-centered to believe that they had anything to do with their success…

After my brief mental hiatus…I can back to the moment…

“I agree and disagree with you simultaneously”

“Better put…I agree in part and disagree with you in part…”

Let me start at the most superficial level and say...if what you contend is true...that makes me either a pimp or a John! I can say...in all sincerity...that I am neither!

Any truth in your statement does not depend on my perspective but on the perspective and behaviors of the "party of the second part..."

He smiled and said…”You may be on to something…go on!”

That was all I needed…

“I agree that management is like falling in love…but that is where it ends…”

The old adage…”It is better to have loved and lost; than to have never loved at all…” seems apropos at this moment!

He smiled and egged me on…”you are an extremely successful manager…WHY?”

I told him…”In all honestly…because of what he taught me…”

His response was a classic…”Sucking up will never make you a good manager…but it sure brings a mentor back! Now; tell me what do you do?”

I continued…”I believe that if you manage by the text book…the second part of your sentence is also true…”

You have to be directly vested with your people…their successes and failure…otherwise the superficiality of the relationship is completely like your first statement!

When you do that however…there is a BIG risk!

“The risk?” he asked…

There is a risk that they will not be as vested in return!

If they are not as vested…then that team member is a prostitute!

He smiled and agreed! That smile just prodded me on further!

The risk goes beyond the relationship between me and that person…

“I am effective because I know that each individual, in fact…the entire team is behind me and if I got into trouble…they would be there to stand our ground…an organization can not afford the rebellion of a hundred or more people! They would come to my rescue!” Much like Ghandi and the "passive rebellion" he promoted!

“How do you know that?” he asked…

“They told me…” I responded…

“Has it ever been tested?” he retorted as his face grew grimmer…

“No…” I sighed…

“Lies…hollow promises…” he said continued…somewhat sarcastically; “It will only lead to disillusionment and a broken heart! Your team is nothing but a bunch of prostitutes…they’ll suck you dry and leave you at the first sign of trouble…you have found the key to assembling a great team…but you have yet to learn to teach them cohesiveness and loyalty…”

“…You my friend are a person of passion…one who is willing to risk that passion on people who are thankless and will only let you down…few if any ever really understand the true magic behind a successful team…they are frail and selfish and will jump at the first sign of problems…don’t count on them! They will hurt you! They are willing to stand their ground as long as you are there to take the arrows…ask them to step up front and they’ll scurry like a bunch of rats”

“Man I have NEVER seen this cynical side of you!” I hardened “I can not lead any other way…I can not be like the rest of the managerial world!”

He smiled and said…”That is why I choose you to mentor! I just want you to be ready for your future! You are absolutely right…but you will also be broken hearted! NEVER lose this…it is worth the risk!”

He stood up and began to walk away...I knew the session was now really over...he closed with…“Just remember who you are looking at across your desk…then you’ll never be disappointed!”

"I can't"

"I won't"

"I will NEVER!"

"THEY AREN'T!"

"They are beautiful people…well worth the risk!"

From my perspective...I have said enough!