The Mentoring Begins

We had known each other for years. This day was no different than most of our times together. We sat, each in our personal spot, comfortably reclined. Between us sat 5 critical items...a small table and on it, a bottle of his favorite "can't get it here" rum, two glasses and a bucket of ice.

This is what he called the essential ingredients of a good mentoring session! I knew that he was only half serious...the rum was a rarity (not very expensive, but almost unavailable) and we generally only had it on VERY special occasions like his or my birthday. He refused to drink anything else...and that intrigued me...but I never asked!

He leaned forward and grabbed a handful of half-melted ice, dropped a few in his glass and a few in mine. Then he grabbed the bottle and and poured precisely equal amounts in each of our glasses...emptying the bottle!

"Wasn't that bottle full when we started?" he snickered!

It was getting late...but it was such a joy to sit with him...and it was even more enjoyable seeing him laugh...

"The world does not laugh enough!" he observed, "Perhaps we should start our own business and make drinking mandatory at every break!" He was so amused at the thought that he nearly fell from his chair laughing! "If a union can demand breaks...Why can we force them to drink?"

He could see from my face that I was not as amused as he was..."You are not the one that works with the union...I really do not see the humor in it!"

The laughter began to taper off, into the aftershocks of a few snickers and our discussion took a totally direction...

"Why are you mentoring me?" I inquired..."Why did you choose me, over all of the other people that you could be mentoring? Was the company paying you extra?"

"Those are stupid questions!" he shot back..."You picked me!"

"On the surface, I knew that was the furthest thing from the truth...it was he who approached me...I remember that day vividly!

I remember going to another person and telling him that this "old guy" walked up to me "out of the blue" and asked if he could mentor me! My confidant asked me who it was and his reaction, to that question cemented the relationship!

"OH MY GOD! He only mentors 1 or 2 people at any time and those openings only come via death! TAKE IT!"

...And I did!

...And here we are, on the brink of arguing over who picked who!

I wrote his inaccuracy off as "rum induced!" But I was intrigued..."how did he come to this conclusion? He was one of the most accurate people I know!" So I sat quiet...knowing that it would draw a response!

"Don't you remember the first time we met?" he reflected...

You and I were standing in the processing area with 2 government people and I lit up a cigarette while we talked...and you immediately grabbed it, stomped it out and kicked it into a gutter!

"Yes..." I laughed, "I do remember that! You have the biggest set of...I caught myself...I mean you are always challenging authority...just because you can get away with it!"

"I know what you mean...and that is my weakness...it always gets me into trouble!" he said with an almost confession-like tone...

"Why did you take that cigarette from me?" He queried as he turned the conversation back at me...

"Because I did not want you to get into trouble" I replied...

"That was as gutsy a move, as my lighting up!" he observed as I could see his face drifting back to that moment in time!

"You see my friend...(and this is not the rum talking he added)...A relationship such as ours is special...but any relationship can be just as special..."

"...In fact, if any relationship is missing this element...you have to question whether it is a relationship at all..."

"...It is best explained by my concept of a relationship thermometer..."

"...Back when the Mrs. was still alive...I could tell how well our relationship was functioning with this simple concept...its health...a relationship thermometer...get it?"

He could see that I my ability to comprehend was impeded by the fact that we drank the same amount and that I weighed half as much!

"I'll go a bit deeper...I knew that she (the Mrs) could look out for me better than I could ever look out for myself...and the same was true in reverse..." "Are you following me?" he checked!

I nodded...

"...When I felt that I had to look out for myself...or saw that she had to look out for herself...the relationship needed some shoring up! That is how I took the temperature of my relationship"

"...That was a special relationship!" he reflected, "In fact, I have only had 1 or two other ones like that!"

"So what does your relationship with the Mrs have to do with you mentoring me?" I egged him on!

"...Let's go back to the details of the first day!" he said, "I reach in my pocket and took out a cigarette...and began lighting it...before I could even take the first puff...you had walked over to me...put your fingers around it! You looked me squarely in the eyes...it was not a look of anger or disgust...It was different..."

"...I tugged ever so slightly on "my smoke" and you stood your ground...even when the flames of the lighter burnt your hand...you didn't let go (I bet you didn't know I knew that!)..."

"...Without missing a beat you took it from me and said..."let's take a break...we've stood around here long enough!"

"...It wasn't what you did!"

"...It was why you did it!"

"...I could see your intent...it was automatic...it was deep...a part of you...not a facade"

"...I saw that you were looking out for me better than I could ever do for myself..."

"...I wanted to foster that!"

"...That was you asking me to be your mentor!"

The room quieted and became a bit more somber than I was used to...

"Let me call a cab for you and pay for your ride home...I'll bring your car to work in the morning and you can drive me home in the evening..." "That will give us some time to talk about some important things...besides...maybe it is time that I begin returning the favor! I owe you that"

I could see in his eyes that he was done talking for the night...

The conversation made him long for times past...he was going to close his eyes and spend some time with the Mrs...and I couldn't fault him for that!